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Vent but would also welcome your advice if you've ever felt this way and came back from the edge

MJL2010's picture

Submitted by MJL2010 on Sat, 04/29/2017 - 7:36am

I am truly starting to feel like I completely dislike all of my "tween" children. It is blissful every time DH and I just have DS4 and the others are at their other parents' houses. (This rarely happens.)

These kids, 11, 12, 12 and 12, are becoming so increasingly demanding. Their problems are becoming bigger. Their attitudes are becoming worse. Their activities are costing more. And the "returns" are dwindling: every rule in this house is challenged, every chore they're asked to do is constantly negotiated, their fights with each other (which everyone says is just how siblings behave) are becoming worse (SSs twins A and B broke DS12's bed the other day while they were fighting.)

DH is on his way to pick SSs up in the first of "off" weekends where ALL the kids won't be here together. I can't decide whether that will be better or worse. Luckily I have plans for basically all of today and some of tomorrow.

Comments

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Submitted by Dontfeedthetrolls on Sat, 04/29/2017 - 8:40am

Sadly I also have to say right now this sounds like "normal" tween going to teen behavior. Right now their hormones are going crazy. Their brains are growing in amazing ways. They are trying to figure out who they are which is changing by the minute. They are craving autonomy but don't know how to use it. Don't be afraid to lock yourself away for a while. Make time for just you and SO. Pick your battles like others said and let the kids fail sometimes. Let them experience natural consequences. Good luck.

MJL2010's picture

Submitted by MJL2010 on Sat, 04/29/2017 - 11:11am

So I just got back from yoga, which I sobbed my way through....and read your comments. Thank you ALL for your advice and empathy and understanding! I don't feel like such a horrible human now- Gimlet you're right about this- many would think it's awful, what I'm admitting. This feels freeing, to be able to admit it and know that it is STILL ok.
Have a wonderful weekend, all! I can't wait to process and practice the tricks and tips you have suggested!!

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Sat, 04/29/2017 - 12:30pm

Good for you for going to yoga! I only have ONE SS17 & am on my way to the gym to do some much-needed cardiao... but of course, I cannot text & type. I only post now because I am huddled in an obscure parking lot in the small town where BM also lives, with lots of tree coverage... smoking a couple of cigarrettes (I know, gross!) to de-stress.

So it's a smokey, sweaty survial!

Ladystark's picture

Submitted by Ladystark on Sat, 04/29/2017 - 12:07pm

Wow- i am sorry- my sisters and i were terrible to each other too as teens. More screaming than breaking stuff though!!

You are going to be in the war zone for awhile, but i like the try to keep them seperate suggestion!!

Maybe when you guys are all together like that you and dh could switch off, maybe dh could take two of them out of the house, even if its just to homedepo!!

Man. Hugs!! Just remember it will calm down the older they get, soon they will have friends that drive and you might not see them as much!!

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Sat, 04/29/2017 - 2:08pm

Ugh. I have DD3 and it's been as you describe. Increasingly crappy for several weeks and the last few days I was thinking about how nice it would be to just leave her screaming her head off lying on the sidewalk and go home for some peace and quiet. But no, responsible me dealt with it like a d@mn adult. Screw adulting.

I'm sure what you describe is normal, but that only helps so much since it sucks bigtime. And you have several, and you can't pick them up bodily to assert your authority.

SourGrapes's picture

Submitted by SourGrapes on Mon, 05/01/2017 - 10:15am

My bio daughter is 9.5 and the tween behavior has already started. Back talking, challenging rules, arguing with everything I ask her to do. I love her dearly, but I'm *thisclose* to making her live in a tent in the backyard.

Monchichi's picture

Submitted by Monchichi on Tue, 05/02/2017 - 3:06am

So glad I am not the only one. Love my girl to bits but seriously she is going to end up locked in the linen closet and gagged soon.

OP you're not alone and anyone who doesn't dislike their children at some juncture is telling a big fib. I cannot imagine how you are still sane with 4 of them all in the same horrid age range.