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How stupid/entitled/irresponsible/immoral/unprepared for adulthood was/is BM?

MJL2010's picture

Got a nice thick package in the mail the other day- from a new lawyer- about impending foreclosure of their former marital residence, which DH signed over ENTIRELY to her in their divorce (she put $ down on that residence with proceeds from sale of her apartment plus a generous "loan" made to her by a gentleman "business acquaintance" who she never paid back because "he had plenty of money and wouldn't need it to be paid back")

She has not paid her mortgage or taxes in quite a while. Began trying to sell the place, had one offer, which fell through. In the meantime, she has flown herself and SSs to see her family in UK four times, and plans to go for the holidays as well. This woman is the queen of living beyond her means and letting other people pay for it. Just fantastic that DH's name is still on the mortgage. His divorce document is pretty precisely worded and his attorney says this packet is pretty standard procedure for foreclosure proceedings. But still.

What's the saying? Marriage isn't forever but divorce with kids is, or something to that effect? Who the hell knows what this woman would have done had it not been for the axe that she refuses to stop grinding....six years later. UGH!


furkidsforme's picture

If he signed over the deed to the house but didn't assure he removed himself from the mortgage than I would say it's your DH who is the dumb one. BM is pretty damn smart.


DaizyDuke's picture

THIS^^^ Did your DH have a lawyer??? I have no idea who in their right mind would sign a Quit Claim deed, but remain on the mortgage??? It really should be the other way around... he should have made BM refinance in her own name and THEN and only then, sign Quit Claim.


Ljcapp1's picture

This same thing happened to me. My exH and I shared an attorney and the attorney told me I wouldn't be liable for the house anymore if I signed a quit claim deed. Naive and young...I signed the quit claim deed and then I was shocked 3 months later to be getting foreclosure papers from the bank.
Live and learn...
I tell people all the time who are advised this to demand a sale of the home or the ex-spouse to buy your half.

WokeUpABug's picture

Yes this happened to us to. In their divorce agreement it says BM was supposed to refinance the house in exchange for DH relinquishing his interest in it. Of course she didn't and then the lawyer said that no judge would force her to refinance since her credit was poor. Eventually interest rates dropped low enough she refinanced anyway. That was one year before she declared bankruptcy.

Last In Line's picture

If BM didn't get a new mortgage on her own, then your DH is still on the hook. It's crappy, but that's how it works.

MJL2010's picture

Getting one's name off of a mortgage is not easy, as I understand it- you may be right Furkids but I'll tell you what: BM is utterly filthy and immoral and how she can look in the mirror without wanting to die is beyond me. If I owed what she owes to companies, individuals, etc...and was still trying to screw my ex over, I would hate myself. So maybe by some standards she is smart but she still loses overall!

Maxwell09's picture

BMs like her look at themselves in the mirror just fine unfortunately.

BSgoinon's picture

It's as simple (or difficult depending on if BM works and has decent credit) as refinancing to qualify for the loan on her own. These ladies are correct. That foreclosure will show up on your DH's credit. And while showing the divorce papers and writing a letter of explanation will satisfy any underwriter (and it would) it still doesn't change the fact that his FICO score will suffer. FICO doesn't except excuses. It just is what it is. Sad sucks.

ctnmom's picture

Banker here- your DH had a shitty attorney for his divorce. If the house is signed over to one party, that's the easy part. The difficult and time consuming part is getting his name off the deed to the house, but I'm sure his lawyer knew this is ESSENTIAL in cases like this. The only thing your DH can do now to save his credit is to pay up the arrears. But since he signed over the house, he would get no $$$$ back from the proceeds if the house were to sell, since he signed his ownership away. Without getting his name off. :O

robin333's picture

We must have the same BM. For years, BM was trying to refinance the house. We had to hire an attorney and spent thousands of dollars trying to force a refinance or to sell in order to get DH'S name off of the mortgage since she was chronically late despite thousands of CS each month.

Now that CS is ending I am sure it will be foreclosed upon which is very sad considering there's less than $20,000 owed on that house. And she will never find a place with a lower rent / mortgage than what the monthly payment is. Honestly, it will be a relief that it is over and hopefully DH'S credit will recover from some of the crap, lots of it intentional, inflicted by BM'S greed.

Last In Line's picture

I was actually in the BMs position with a house. I tried to refinance but couldn't because the house didn't appraise for the amount owed. My only option was to sell the house, but due to the housing market it was a short sale. My credit and my exHs credit were affected, but there was nothing else I could do. It's part of the risk of having two people buy a house together. It may vary some state to state, but where I was, the mortgage company was under no obligation to remove exH from the mortgage--he signed it just like I did.

robin333's picture

Sounds like you did all you could. Will you be my BM please?

I wish my BM would sell. She could outright purchase something then. She actually thought that she would get money if the house foreclosed.

Last In Line's picture

Is she doing it for vindictive reasons?? Maybe she is just clueless as to how any of it works at all. Honestly, I didn't care if it affected my exH's credit or anything else, I just wanted to be rid of any ties to him as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Hopefully it will be in the past soon.

robin333's picture

She would have been able to refinance when the divorce was final. The mortgage had been paid on time up to that point. She kept saying she was working on it... fast forward almost 3 years later, she then alternates between trying to refinance and not knowing how. DH offered to help, hell, I even offered to help.

So, no progress, we hire a lawyer. Thousands of dollars later, we dropped. DH and I were putting more effort into trying to get her to save her house or at least walk away with the equity (it is a 200,000 home with 20,000 remaining).

No, she is not totally stupid on these things as she knows enough about state foreclosure laws- she only pays on 3rd month enough so the bank can't start foreclosure. She has said she won't sell. The mortgage is 650.00. She was getting almost 2000.00 a month in CS and kept telling DH it wasn't enough to cover the mortgage. Oldest has graduated and CS ends this month (she works part time ).

She thinks that if she doesn't refinance that DH will bail her out. She admitted that in court. So, I think it is laziness, entitlement and part vindictive as DH stupidly told her he was going to get a lawyer as we cannot get a home together in attempt to get her to refinance.

Oh, DH can not even get a credit card since she opened account in his name and wrote bad checks (he was almost arrested as notices went to BM as that was address on check. DH never knew). Oh, and she opened gas/department store accounts in his name and defaulted on those.

With CS ending, she may change her mind and sell. She *might* get a full time job (when hell freezes over ). She will not be getting any assistance from DH.

hereiam's picture

This is why I am not a fan of all the co-mingling of financials, married or not. It's so hard to separate later and it's not always the fault of the person awarded the property. Refinancing later down the road, when the market and values have changed can be a problem.

Putting somebody on a loan, who will not be able to pay or refinance later, is not a good idea. I know people don't think about that when everything is hunky dory at the time the loan/mortgage is taken out but it really should be.

And courts should not be able to award something to somebody before the other person's name can be taken off, or to someone who cannot afford to keep it in the first place. Ridiculous.

When DH and I bought our house, I took the mortgage out in my name only and bought a house that I knew I could afford payments on, even without DH (though I was approved for much more). Maybe I have just always been too cynical but I was not taking any chances!

Snowflake's picture

Happened to my dh as well. He was asked to leave the marital home, but helped to keep paying on it. Ex was supposed to refinance or sell. Of course that never happened because vacations and top of the line private schools are more important then paying for a roof over your head.

notasm3's picture

My BFF's DH (been married to him for over 30 years) had a short marriage in his early 20s. During his divorce (over 50 years ago) the agreement was that his ex wife could live in the home with their two children until the children were grown and then the house would be sold.

The "children" are now in their 50s. BM is still living in that house and still collecting alimony. That bitch should die. They divorced because she "didn't like the cult he decided to join".

Sounds kind of 60ish doesn't it? Makes it sound like he became a Moonie. So what is it that he actually did? He converted to Catholicism. Which in her Primitive Baptist mind was ungodly.

My friend says that when her DH dies she is going to cede her half of that house to the Catholic Church and let them evict her. And she is just the person to do that.