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Today is Day 1, again

messitupjess's picture

Where do I start. I married her dad a little over a year ago, he is 41, I was 26. She at the time was 14, the fights and attitude have not stopped since. She all but flirts with him to get him away from me. I am using flirt, for lack of a better word. He has told me if the shoe was on the other foot, he would have already left. Now, here we are, I hardly talk to her. She has made up horrible lies about things I supposedly did to her. She tells everyone, even my whole family awful things, how horrible her life is. I buy her things everytime I go to the store, I make her things she likes to eat. I must just expect some respect and that is to much to ask for. She has came from a hard life, I will give her that. Her mother is/was a drug user, was incarcerated, that is how he got custody of her. Now that the mother is out, she begs for attention from her and that she doesn't get. I know there is built up anger in that little girl and I don't know how to treat her. Everytime I ask her to do something or clean something. I get a huge confrontation, it is never easy. I have to tell her dad to tell her. Like I am tataling. It is awful. She has just recently told everyone I hit her in the face during one of these confrontations. Which will never happen. Later admitting to the lie, and now I am so bitter towards her. Why should I have to do anything for her. I have tried and tried, but she continues to stab me in the back and give me a hard time. I feel like I don't even want to come home. Like I don't even want to look at her. Is that normal? Will it always be her and him and then me and him? Will it ever be the three of us?

Comments

BMJen's picture

Wink

I would suggest some serious counseling for SD, DH, and even yourself.

MeanOleMe's picture

I wish I had some advice, I don't but I know what you are going through. I am 25, my DH 39, and my oldest SD is 16 (almost 17). I also can't stand seeing her anymore. I don't talk to her at all, and she is always lying to BM about me. I am to the point where I don't care. I have stopped doing anything for her (buying her thinks, cooking what she likes, helping her with dances, homework... I mean everything). Makes it easier to deal with the BS she tells BM because I do not feel resentful because I do so much for her anymore. However, I still will NOT put up with the disrespect from her. She can tell anyone what she wants to about me, the ones I care about know the truth, and the rest, I don't care what they think, but I will not put up with the disrespect in my home. I have made that more then clear to my DH, and either he will punish her, or I will.

"I will not take responsibility, where I do not have authority." ~ MeanOleMe

stepoff's picture

I can't really offer advice other than seriously taking her to counseling. But welcome to the site. I hope someone can give you some solid advice...

messitupjess's picture

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS! I HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH ONE. MY DH IS VERY SUPPORTIVE. SHE TREATS HIM THE SAME WAY. BUT HE CAN DISIPLINE HER IN A WAY THAT I CAN'T. SHE IS JUST A VERY UNGREATFUL TEENAGER AND I MARRIED HIM RIGHT AT THAT TIME. MY HUSBAND IS ACTUALLY A WONDERFUL HELP TO ME. IF I AM UP CLEANING OR COOKING, SO IS HE. HE IS MY OTHER HALF. SHE IS JUST UNRULY. THANKS FOR THE WEBSITE, I AM CHECKING IT OUT NOW.
GOD BLESS YOU