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Mamaneedshelp89's picture

Submitted by Mamaneedshelp89 on Thu, 04/30/2020 - 8:22am

You know I am about to give up on this relationship. I mean there are other ppl out there. I can't deal with her kids anymore. Like I am done. I'm sick of being the mean one because she doesn't see that her daughter has a sassy attitude and a problem with following directions. Helllllpppp. Problem with the daughter is she gets treated like a princess by Mom and Dad but the SD does more things wrong than the 8yr old son and doesn't get told about it. Like I can't deal with it. Then I yell and get punished for it. Like wtf any advice. I'm so happy other ppl feel how I do I thought I was screwed up for hating her. 

Comments

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Thu, 04/30/2020 - 9:52am

Your wife is using you. She is using you to help have a better lifestyle than she could afford on her own. She's also using you to be the bad guy when it comes to her kids. Whenever she takes their side when you try to be a real parent and discipline she gets the ego-boost of them preferring her. Chances are she positioned herself with the kids father in the same way and she never learned to have a healthy relationship that isn't competition-based.

I would ask her if she is willing to do couples counseling because I think that is the only way you are going to be able to get heard in this situation. If she is not willing to do couples counseling then I would seriously consider leaving.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Thu, 04/30/2020 - 2:43pm

If you already feel like you have 1 foot out the door. What do you have to lose by sitting SO down and setting limits of what you are and are not willing to tolerate. For example if she has an issue with you redirecting SD then you put it on her that you expect x,y, and z behaviors be addressed. You establish which rules you want in the house and to be enforced. But, be reasonable,  pick only the most severe behaviors to focus on, the ones that you absolutely can not live with. Here I only have 1 rule I make him enforce. Everything else like the messes, I just tell him there is a mess and I am not cleaning it. Either he can clean it or have his kids do it, doesnt matter to me. 

Phonemanal29's picture

Submitted by Phonemanal29 on Thu, 04/30/2020 - 7:25pm

I am dealing with some of the same issues. When kids aren't properly raised they are exhausting to be around. That leads to deep resentment. I recommend couples therapy. If that doesn't work run!! It needs to be room for compromise.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Fri, 05/01/2020 - 7:26am

If you are ready to leave then leave.

I am always confused why people who profess to hate their step kids deeply continue to stick around for years and live with this person who they hate for years just so that they can have a mediocre relationship with thier partner when the kid(s) are not there. Choosing a partner is not just about the person themselves but also about the people around them and the lifestyle that you live with them.