So this last week has been pretty rough especially since the grandparents were out of town for the week.
I made a reward chart for SD9 to get points accumulating for the end of the week so she can get a reward. We did this for last week because grandma was out of town and she is the one that wakes up in the morning and sees that SD9 gets off to school on time and appropriately. In the original plan I was supposed to be working as well but instead my Dr put me on bed rest so I was around but still not able to make SD9 breakfast and such. So we kept the reward chart anyways and for the most part she did REALLY well.

She only had a 10 point buffer out of 100 before she did not get her reward so by the end of the week she fell 4 points short of making her reward which was a slumber party and pizza with her "best friend" so we told her she could make up the 4 points by earning somehow but SD9 was not on that trip at all so instead we just did pizza and a movie with her friend. meanwhile the whole week aside from the chart she had been an absolute nightmare to try and get her to do ANYTHING she did not want to do. So anyways moving on to the original story. SD9 had her friend over and while they were not watching the movie several questionable things came up. First they were talking about moving away from our town like her friend said next year I'm moving to ____________ then SD9 says I have a real mom her name is _______ and we will be moving to ________ next year too. Well I overheard this and told SD9 that she should not lie to her friend like that because she as well as I know that is NOT ever going to happen as BM ditched them when she got divorced from my now DH and he adopted her because BM wanted to put them into the system < foster care>.

She has not seen them since even though she is still fairly local and every time we schedule visits or something she flakes out. Now generally I would have not said anything and just let it be because this poor girl knows that her BM does not want her except for the fact last week at school she had just told her WHOLE class that her BM had died and I was her new mom and was super affectionate. I gave her hugs and didn't say anything because I thought it was her way of dealing with things. BM left about 3 years ago. SD9 has a lot of issues I would even say perhaps some hormonal and chemical imbalances due to an addict bio dad and a mentally unstable BM who refuses to get help.

So back to the story I asked DH to talk to SD9 about the whole BM thing while I went to take the friend home and when I came back he looked fairly pale and I asked him what happened and he said we have a problem and then he relayed to me that SD9 from nowhere blurted out that her friend had asked her if she wanted to learn something another girl in the neighborhood had taught her SD9 said okay and then proceeded to say her friend then jumped on top of her and humped her and then told her not to tell anyone that she did that.

Now I know this friend quite well and she has been abused in the past and knows about personal space and I honestly do not think she would do that to anyone unless they were both doing it to each other. I also know that SD9 has a history of getting into inappropriate play with some of her girlfriends as she has been caught before exploring and is not allowed to play with the girl that something happened with. < this was before my time>. So thinking that this is a fairly serious accusation I talked to SD9 without DH around cuz he was not in the state of mind to deal with this and her story stuck and then she went into melt down mode as she does when something does not go her way when she is angry or upset.

Shaking, hyperventilating rocking like everything you could possibly imagine she was doing. So eventually she calmed down after writing in her journal and coloring with me and she went to bed really nicely and passed out almost immediately. So I went over to the friends house to talk to her mom about what SD9 had said and she talked to her daughter and the only similarity in both girls story was this other neighborhood girl and teaching one or both of the girls how to pole dance later SD9 had said that this girl taught her how to do that. So me and friends mom talked after she had talked to her daughter and it was not quite adding up when both seem to be telling the truth I was a bit hesitant though to believe SD9 because of her history and you can not really tell when she is lying because she is so good at it. so the next I talked to SD9 and told her that something did not add up and that I talked to her friend and her friends mom about what happens and that they were going to come over and we were all going to work this out.

So later on that day we sat both the girls down told them no one was in trouble and we just wanted to know what happened and explain to them about personal space and all other things related with making those accusations < now the friend is actually very sheltered from anything of the sort including today's "pop music" unlike SD9 who has been exposed to these things her whole life> So anyways neither of the girls was backing down from what they told us and when in the same room things seemed to be fine and all we wanted was the truth and for them to be honest and nothing really came of it other than SD9 after hearing what her friend had to say changed her story a bit minor details about the neighborhood girl and the pole dancing. So we just talked to them about boundaries and told them that maybe some space was good for now and that if they were going to play together again that it had to be supervised. Out of nowhere SD9 says I did it I did it to her she didn't do it to me it was all me sounding a bit relieved I didn't know really how to handle this nor did DH honestly I felt like being sick so the friends mom had told SD9 that curiosity is natural and appreciates her honesty and that she was not in trouble and again we went over boundaries SD9 at this point is a little bit upset but not a whole lot so it was the friends birthday and there was a birthday party at her house several hours from then and SD9 was clearly not interested in going so before they left I had given the mom her present and said our goodbyes.

Well after that SD9 completely FREAKS OUT like really bad freak out worse than melt down and says she was lying that she didn't do it and that her friend was lying about the whole thing and that she was telling the truth and OMG I thought we were going to have to call someone she was freaking out so bad saying to her self she did it not me that's so disgusting i never want to see her face again and all sorts of muttering along those lines and this is worse than normal freak outs she had not knowing what to do or say I just kind of walked away and let DH talk to her while I gathered myself because woa this is some pretty intense shit. So DH comes out of her room and says I can't talk to her she needs to calm down. So I gather myself run her a lavender oil bath and make her a cup of relaxing tea with honey in it. I go into her room give her a hug tell her it's going to be okay tell her I made her a bath and a cup of tea and it would help calm her down immediately she goes into the bathroom and almost instantly stops her freak out and is singing that sexy and I know it song by lmfao 20 minutes later she comes out of the bath completely fine clean and relaxed.

A little bit later we talk more because she was seeming pissed off and we talked some more she was pissed off extremely angry that her friend did not get into trouble and started going on a tangent about how no one believes her or cares about her etc. Well I told her that we did believe her and that no one was going to be in trouble for this because it seemed fairly harmless and really I think they were just goofing around and perhaps got confused about what happened told her that it was over now and I asked her what she thought we should do and if she feels that we did not do enough etc she just kept going on about how her friend lied and she didn't and that she "got away with it" well I reminded her that she had lied as well in her eyes by fessing up to something she did not do.

After that she went quiet and the conversation was done after a hug and a suggestion that she write in her journal then she was fine again. Later on that day I get a call from friends mom saying that her daughter told her something and that she felt was important that I know so i said okay let me hear it so it turns out that apparently SD9 had tried to " have sex" with another one of the girls friends and that is why she does not play with SD9 anymore.... Now I'm stumped I really want to believe SD9 but I honestly have no idea what to think or do at this point I mean shit how does one handle this other than therapy which she is already receiving. I feel sick just at the thought of my SD being a sexual predator at 9 years old. What if she is telling the truth though I mean I've seen those girls play together before and they are always jumping around sometimes on each other on the trampoline and I always reminded them of personal space. I just don't know what to do about this DH thinks that something must have happened because why would she blurt it out of nowhere for no reason. Me I think they were just goofing around and it got blown out of proportion and perhaps in SD9's mind she believes she was assaulted but not on purpose.

She hasn't said boo about it since and even referd to her friend yesterday as her friend and had asked to go play with her... I feel so sick about this and so worried that what if something did happen or what if SD9 is lying about lying and she really did do it with all the other things on her plate that she has been caught doing and with what I was told on the phone I have NO idea where to even go with it... other than her therapist... I'm almost thinking that perhaps before my time she was sexually abused and has never dealt with it but whenever asked about it she says no and to my knowledge she has not.

I'm so worried that this is going to blow up though like when/if she tells her school counselor or her other grandma or her aunt next thing I know I have police at my door wanting to question her and everyone else next thing i know were gunna get the kids taken away and it's all going to turn out to be one big fucking lie all because SD9 didn't feel like she was getting enough attention.

so any comments suggestions or ideas on how to deal with this are more than welcome!