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I am very glad that I found this site. It is good to know that I am not the only woman going through this and there are others willing to share their stories as well. I am sure my friends are tired of hearing about the drama caused by my husband two ex-wives. He was married twice and had a daughter which each one. If we aren't getting it from one we are getting it from the other. Sometimes we hit the jackpot and get it from both at the same time. I don't have any children of my own and my husband and I don't intend to start our own family. I am not sure if I would even want to subject a child of my own to the chaos these two bitter women cause. Neither one of them are brave enough to behave badly in my presence but Lord have mercy on my husband when he shows up to pick the child up alone. It is as if he is being punished for going on with his life. He would gratefully take custody of both girls but the mothers have too much fun using them as weapons to continue tormenting him. I have always been polite to the ex's for the sake of those two little girls. However, there are days when I really want to give them a piece of my mind but I can't because if we end up taking these women to court I don't want my actions to be used against my husband. My question for all of you is do any of you have to deal with a crazy stepfather? We are trying to deal with the second wife's current husband who I am sure suffers from anti-social disorder and is constantly harrassing my husband. He has even told my husband that he can take the childs love away from him anytime he wants. We don't know what to do about the jerk without going to court but that will cost us thousands and is not guaranteed to get rid of his harrassment. Can anyone here give some good advice? I sure can use some right now.
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Comments
Sounds like the SF needs..
Sounds like he needs some anger managment.
You are doing the right thing by being civil.
The SF cannot take the love of your husbands child away. No matter what happens a child always loves there bio parents. I have not had to deal with the SF issue only the bio mom issue.
Did these two women want the divorce from your husband? If so then I do not understand why women who want it act the way they do.
I would make sure that everytime your husband goes to get the children that you are present. Especially if you guys go to court. I would document dates, times everything of phone calls and what was said to both of you. That way if you do go to court you will have documentation. I hope things get better for you and your husband..
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Stepfather is interferring
Thanks for responding. The stepfather is a real thorn in our side. He is more trouble than both mothers combined. He has real control issues and the child that lives with him hates him. On her last visit with us she told me (she is eight by the way) that he told her if she was mean to me he would buy her a surprise. I was not shocked by this as we are used to the stepfather doing evil things like that. I told her that I didn't want her to be mean to me but it was okay with me if she told her mom and stepfather she was mean to me because I wanted her to get the surprise. This is only the tip of the iceberg of what the that freak has done. We have even had to call the police and request a peace officer to be present when we pick the child up due the conflict caused by this man. The whole time this is going on the mother just stands there and does nothing. We suspect there is abuse going on in the household but without evidence or somebody from the home telling us there is nothing we can do. Our lawyer had informed us to document everything which we have been doing from the start. The mother also has another child with her first husband and the stepfather really treats her like crap. We have communication with her father and compare notes. He recently hired our lawyer to represent him. We figured one of these days the mom and stepfather are going to make a wrong move then both the other father involved and my husband are going to pounce on them. They are stupid enough to make a custody case for us. But until then we have to tolerate the garbage from him. This couple is the worst of the two mothers. And to answer your question, my husbands ex-wives both left him for other men. It was the whole "the grass is greener on the other side" sort of thing. That is why I don't understand why they won't leave him alone. I guess they are not happy with the choices they made and see that he has moved on to bigger and better things which I know drives them nuts. Especially the second wife who is married to the above mentioned moron. She asked my husband to go back to her after they had been divorced for two years and we were newly engaged. Needless to say he laughed at her but what we don't understand is why she wanted him back if he was so horrible to be with in the first place. My husband has his faults (what man doesn't) but he has a good heart and adores his children. This whole thing is just a huge mess and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel until these girls are grown and we can tell them the truth about what really happened. The only good thing to come from all this conflict is that my husband and I have grown closer together and are more determined not to allow their bitterness to ruin our marriage. Perhaps God has a purpose for all this...
The only scary thing is..
I would be afraid he or they are going to harm one of the children..
Your SD is 8, how old is the other little girl? Just curious. He sounds physcho. Kinda like some movie I watched with John Travolta and he was divorced and the SF was very mean to the son and all that. The mother was blinded by love I guess.
Anyways.. hang in there and give this little girl all the love and support she needs because it sounds to me like she is really going to be messed up.. I am so sorry..
That is horrible..
Harm to the children would be a concern!
The SF does exhibit some strange responses...it would be a concern about what his behaviour is like with the family. In terms of the biomom being blinded by love...I don't know if I would call that love. Love means wanting the best for others and not having to live with disrespect and dishonour. I would call that relationship more one of co-dependency.
Sounds to me...
that if he wanted custody of his children, (or the child in particular you are discussing), there is enough cause for him to file a Motion to Modify Custody. Are there formal custody agreements on file? Comments to a child about "being mean" to a step-mother is emotional abuse of that child. It will cost some money to get this accomplished, but will be well worth it in the end. In some States, The Department of Human Services monitors child support enforcement and custody issues. AT times they will file documents, for free, on behalf of the child. DHS can be scary, and gets a bad rap for a lot of things.. and yeah, I think that they do go overboard at times and can be completely negligent. But they do good things as well. Tehre are also free legal aid services in most cities and child advocate places where they will work on behalf of the child for free. If it happens again, or gets worse, you may want to look into these types of places. Good luck.
If you only knew....
I wish I had time to tell all of you what this man has put my husband through. I don't think the mother stays for the sake of love. She is always telling her older daughter that they are going to leave the stepfather. She does not work and has no assests to speak of. It is very sad for the children involved. We picked my husbands daughter up tonight with no big scene. It is always a day full of anxiety when it comes to picking this one up. I have tried to call DHS about what the SF does but they told me there was nothing they could do about suspected mental abuse unless a professional calls it in, i.e, a therapist, school, doctor, etc. We have made steps to get the child into therapy but the therapist wants to see us first then gradually bring the child into the sessions. He said that the child may think she is in trouble at first so it has to be done very carefully. I have looked into free legal but we make what they consider too much money and are on our own. If we do go to court we will ask the judge to appoint a guardian at litem for the child. The child is very bright and always tells us when something wrong is going on at home. She never wants to go home but loves her mother very much so I am sure she feels the need to protect her mom. The mother is not a bad person, she just makes bad choices and unfortunately her children suffer the most. I wish I could have a woman to woman talk with her but I know it would get us nowhere so I don't bother. I try to be reasonable and see her side as a mother but I cannot overlook what she does to the children and my husband. All of you have been so wonderfully supportive. I really appreciate your responses and encouragement. Thank you very much.