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Is there any hope for me?

Living the dream's picture

I am being treated for severe depression, but I never get better. I cry often, apparently for no reason. I started taking a different med today.

I am so tired.

I am bone tired of absolutely everything about being married to a man with kids.

I am tired of the intrusive texts/calls from BM/skids, of feeling like an intruder in my own home, of having a significant portion of what should be our income go to another household.

I never had children. It bothered me for a while in my late 30s, but now I am glad that things turned out the way they did.

I wish I had not married a man with kids. There. I said it. I regret it every day. Sometimes I feel there is nothing but regret left in me. The funny thing is, I think I still love my husband. But I wish I had never laid eyes on him.

I don’t see how I can stay in this (less than two years old) marriage.

If you have felt like this and stayed, how did you do it? If you left, how soon before you felt like a human being again?

If you are a spiritual person, please pray for me.

Comments

Sparklelady's picture

Big hugs, and please try to find the book Radical Acceptance - it may make all the difference in helping you cope, whether you stay or leave. I went through a pretty tough time myself not too long ago, so please know you're not alone.

Living the dream's picture

I think you are on to something with that last sentence; thank you for your insight.

Marie Fleming's picture

I wish I never married a man with kids too. Two adult daughter's like their borderline Mom. I know how it is to leave a relationship. I have done it before. It takes allot of planning. I am in my 50's now. I will see how it goes. This website has enlightened me. Because I see me in so many comments.