My step kids did NOT want my involvement at all as they got older. They resented it 

My stance on the role and position of SParent is.... the breeder mate and their spawn can do what they are told when they are told to do it.

Failed family progeny do not get to stipulate that their time is only spent with daddy or mommy.  If the SParent's mate is of that mind, then that mate and their shit spawn need to be gone.

The breeder mate's failed family former breeding partner gets absolutely zero say about shit for anything in the SParent's marriage, how kids are parented in the SParents home, or what the breeder partner, the SParent, and the Skids do as a family in the SParent's home.

PERIOD. DOT!

My SS never asked for only mom time.  We were/are a family.  It likely never entered his mind.   Certainly he had plenty of 1:1 time with his mom and with me.  Life makes those things happen.  Mom in night school or on business trips, dad on road warrior project travel, etc, etc, etc.  Though that 1:1 time was never a designed thing or something he ever asked for.

If the SParent chooses otherwise, so be it.

Demands made by a Skid or a prior failed family breeder X are pretty much a universal NO! from my perspective.

Go back, think it over, and ask nicely, and you will get a more pleasant no.  But, likely the response will still be no with a required action the requester has to do regardless.

Though there may be a rare granting of a reasonable respectfully submitted request.

Or not.

No one should tolarate toxicity or disrespect in their relationships, lives, or family. Most definately those should never be tolerated in a blended family. 

While a SParent should ensure basic care, feeding, and safety of a SKid in their presence.  Beyond that, SParent envolvement is earned with compliance with behavioral and performance standards stipulated by the SParent and entirely at the SParent's discretion.

I think I was lucky, (think not know), I was a parent of a child w/ a step parent long before I becamse a step parent myself. I was friendly but not cloying, and I took my cue from the dad & kid relationship. We had some hiccups, mostly because mom was in skiddos ear and not thrilled that dad was (ure quote) "parading women in and out the door" I suppose our door was broken because after over 20 years I'm still a parade of one. 

A few things changed. Dad doesn't cook so they ate out every time he had him, 2 or 3 meals a day. I put an end to that. I also put an end to not saying "no" when it was something Dad wanted to do and skiddo didn't want to. But really, I think I helped Dad see a different side to solo parenting.  And they both helped me let go of the proverbial reins. 

She was over strict to drive SK back to bio mother. Easier then saying " I don't like SK ".   She actually is very strict as  :you must toe the line{.   Bet ...she just didn't  want SK around ...interfering with her gappy life.  She feels she didn't give birth  she is not going to be control by SK

I think it all depends on the dynamics of the family though also... like how old was the stepkid or kids when the Step parent came around? is the birth parents both upstanding/stand up parents or are they no better than the s**t you dig out from underneath your shoe? Sometimes Stepparents have no other choice but to step in and step up for the kids because nobody else will.. 

My kids was 1, 2 and 4 when I came in the picture... there was 2 different mothers involved, one he was married to but just recently divorced from... she jumped ship completely and abandoned her child. the other one is still very much a pain in my a** she only kept stringing the kids along in the time that she did for the welfare money. 

I am a disciplinary and old fashioned my husband is laid back and would rather not deal with them/it at all, but also man enough to say it. and when I say old fashioned and disciplinary i don't mean i beat my children or abuse them 

I mean... its lights off at 830, no electronics etc... you listen to and respect your elders.. i believe in a firm hand to their hind quarters when they are agressive or screaming and lashing out... You walk a line and have some manners when your at familys and loved ones... yes mam no sir... and keep those elbows off the table and sit like a lady kind of mom.. 

but i also follow it all up with lots of I love you's hugs and butterfly cheek kisses and always tell them goodnight and tuck them in with love... i made a vow to protect them at all costs because they didnt have that until i came along...

again it all is about the families dynamics... if my situation was different and i came in their lives and the parents were wonderful a+ on the ball parents... got things done for their kids and didn't need help being a parent then I should have done the right thing and stood in background and let mom and dad both handle their children... i could have just enjoyed being a stepmother and living my best life, stayed in my own lane.. But thats not so... here i am raising 4 children 3 i didn't give birth too and now that I see they needed me as much as i needed them... 

I wouldn't have it any other way.