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OT - Social Battery Almost Always Depleted

Lillywy00's picture

Invited to a gathering about 40ish people there. 

Before this event I start feeling regret for RSVPing because of the incomplete tasks I want to complete but decide getting out the house and having new experiences would be the way to go. 

When I get there, I notice everyone has grabbed food and gravitated towards the back patio area. All the chairs were filled except one in the shade and three in the sun. Of course I opt for the shade but my seat was situated next to seats filled by kids. So I kind of had no one to look over and talk to unless I wanted to stand which I did not. 

I did get up and briefly mingle few times but majority of the time I was there I sat alone. I didn't mind that much because I didn't want to stand and I didn't have a lot of mental energy to strike up convos with people who I've had minimal contact with over the years. 

After the gathering it gets back to me that a few people were asking why I was sitting alone. 

Now I kind of regret not making more of an effort to be more "mingly" especially since I might not see these individuals again in life. It was so kind of them to host/invite to such a wonderful event so I hope no one took me sitting solo (kind of by default) personal. 

Just wondering if anyone has dealt with a similar issue 


JRI's picture

As an introvert, this is how I feel at large gatherings, including the regret later.  Are you an introvert?

MorningMia's picture

I hate that feeling of obligation (because I RSVPed) to go somewhere when I'd much rather stay at home/take care of things at home. It is ok to cancel. And sometimes, that feeling of not wanting to go might be a gut feeling we have about the upcoming event.

I'm wondering (I know no one has the answer) why the people asking why you were sitting alone didn't come up and say hi . . . or wave from afar. . . or motion for you to join them? I know hosting an event can be exhausting, but I also feel like it's up to the host to "check on" their guests. 

la_dulce_vida's picture

I was going to ask just this. I am also an introvert and I tend to skirt crowds of people. I rarely jump into the throng. And the easist explanation is that you wanted to SIT in the shade. Anyone who was bothered could have joined you. It's funny how the people in the throng think others must join the throng. I find conversation much more enjoyable 1:1 or in groups of no more than 3. In larger groups, I tend to listen and observe more than I would contribute.

Don't let it get to you, please. Other people find it strange that you're not adhering to constrictive social constructs. They think it's normal to stand in the sun just to be "part of the crowd". They don't understand the importance of knowing what you need to be comfortable and doing it unapologetically. You'd be surprised at how many people don't feel free to tend to their own wants and needs.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I am an ambivert. Extroverted around my close friends, but introverted the rest of the time. I attended a memorial for a family member who passed and it was agonizing. I am claustrophobic in crowds. I knew 7 people out of the 200+ in attendance (4 were the immediate family of the deceased). The other 3 were one of my brothers, my niece, and her jackass, er, fiancé. My brother treats me like I'm 10yo and stupid. Niece is a selfish, spoiled brat who expects to be catered to. Fiancé has verbal diarrhea. I said very little to them. Oldest brother messaged me last night asking why I dissed her pwecious poopsie. Seriously? This was a memorial service; not a rave. 

I am still mentally exhausted from the crowd and interactions. DH has said nothing other than "good morning, babe" and "more coffee". 

AlmostGone834's picture

I lost my social battery a few years ago. I haven't been able to find it and I've given up looking.

Im at near-hermit level these days. I just need to have my house relocated down a dirt road somewhere off the grid, complete with old wooden pallet signs that read "go back" "no trespassing" "turn around now" etc lining the road.