Delusional Bioparents

So yesterday this dude REALLY pissed me off during an argument and tossed out the phrase "you might as well move out"

I suppose he was saying it hypothetically but how I heard it sounded serious and fast tracked my move out plans, and booked a storage unit and started packing.

He saw me packing and tried to convince me to stay. (Not going to)

Then we had more discussions and I have been feeling for a long time as if I'm not being authentic with him and when the topic of his desire to have his kids full time came up, he FINALLY admitted that he used to keep his kids full time after he divorced (for approximately the entire year of 2019), never charged his ex wife child support, and was desiring to do it again.

He claims if I wasn't with him his kids would be here full time

That's when I told him point blank, if you have a desire to get your kids full time....go get them! But I'll be honest in that, unless your ex wife is physically abusing your kids or becomes mentally insane, the desire to stepparent full-time time is not there for me because my kid is almost out of the nest and I REFUSE to sign myself up for another decade of step HELL.

It WILL be hell because his son is annoying af, sloppy as shit because oh he's a boy and thinks that's how boys are, and doesn't follow rules well.

The weekly pissing matches about his kids struggling to follow basic house rules will turn into daily squabbles

IDGAF how "easy" this dude thinks his son. I praised him for wanting to be as involved in his kids lives as possible but I'm not about to voluntarily sign up for a decade of living in eggshells, my rules being overridden in favor of his kids whims, being obligated to being a free nanny/chauffeur/maid/janitor for his trifling son

I ABSOLUTELY will leave before this dude fixes his crusty lips to say "full custody"

So apparently his son is begging to live here, this dude claims he has the desire to do it but doesn't feel he has the resources, and has decided to allow his son here 1-2 weekdays during the month

I'm glad he's being honest about it and I was able to be honest about my position too because I did feel like had I known he had this desire to be a full time parent to his kids upfront, and had I realized that when you agree to be a stepparent you indirectly agree to full-time (if emergency happened or the older kids desired it ), I would have NEVER agreed to move this far into a relationship with him.

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What kind of resources does

What kind of resources does he think he's lacking? If it's money, tell him to go after his ex for child support. If it's someone who looks after his kids so he doesn't have to, well... he can dream on.

I wouldn't waste my breath on

I wouldn't waste my breath on that conversation. He's proven time and time again he doesn't listen to her or respect her desires. Keep working on getting out. Then strengthen yourself for the turbo hoovering he will unleash. He was planning on OP being his resources.

That's my opinion too. OTOH,

That's my opinion too. OTOH, the question was intended to show him that she's on to him and she's nobody's fool.

He's working two job (which I

He's working two job (which I'm not really seeing the extra money come into the household) and isn't going to be available and expecting I'd do the work for him ... most likely for free.

HELL NO!!!

It’s your life.

You only live it foe a short time. You choose how to live it... Your SO is total Delusional, That a SO, would want to SP his kids full time. Unless he has boat lodes of money. The hiring a housekeep , going on monthly cruises type of money.

You know in your heart of hearts this is not going to work. You are in different phases of your life, your are going into the grandmothers phase. See GK. Feed them candy return the, to there parents. He is in the Happy Family life.

Agreed!

Bye!

At least he is making it easier for you to leave by the day. Proclaiming he wants his son FT when that is absolutely not something you want, and showing he is willing to do it at a financial detriment to himself (and you also)...the list of reasons to leave keeps growing.

So you were packing- did you actually go, or how did it end?

Packing up. Got storage unit

Packing up. Got storage unit procured and now working on applying to a rental place until I can get the down payment to buy.

He huffed and puffed about it when I told him I was not about to sit here help him enable his lazy ass exwife/shift his exwifes responsibility on to me.

I get no child support for those skids and paying my share of the rent is not enough to deal with ft stepparenting (like another poster mentioned unless he takes me off my job and pays ALL these bills including mine.....I refuse)

Guess he think 1-2 days a month is going to be "soooo easy" knowing good and damn well that skid is going to weasel his way into living at this house 24/7

if I wanted to take on some kids full time when my bio nest is empty, I will be a foster parent because at least I'll get paid and won't have to have sex with their bio parent

So when do you think you'll

So when do you think you'll be out of there? When will you have your down payment?

Years ago my husband made an

Years ago my husband made an executive decision to move in his son then 14yo to our home after he had multiple arguments with BM1 and she kept calling asking for help (after years of PAS and withholding here and there). I was not asked but told. I expressed concerns regarding school change in the middle of the year and how nothing was ready and that the OSS had exhibited anger and conflict behaviors towards me before + refused to listen. My husband hung up on me and told OSS that I didnt want him to move in and OSS told BM1 and they all made up a story that I was a hater who wanted to keep my husband away. I received a text from OSS then 14 telling me "his kids come first, he had them before his wife" (BM1 probably wrote that). The same night, OSS was at our home unpacking his trash bags from BM1s car with her help. I was treated as non existent.

This debuted a long 3 years of conflicts and abuse with my husband siding with OSS all the time. They nearly drove me to suicidal thoughts. I have recordings and pictures of that time in my life and its pitiful. I keep these mementos to remember what steps did to me

All of this to say, leave before you end up like I did. OSS had become the wife and was even deciding which couches and how furniture should be set up to his liking so he can watch tv how he wanted. He also took my extra TV in his bed when we moved and tried to fight me when I mentioned i was putting my TV in my room....I was expected to not have a TV while OSS had my TV in his room and my husband would watch his in the living room. They absolutely tried to break the TV when i took it back....

Dont let that happen to you...He wants you to stay so he can force you into the life he wants.

I told my husband many times lets end this and since your children dont like me (for no reason) you should perhaps prioritize them. I told him if i was a parent and my children did not like my partner, I wouldnt hesitate to break up, but he constantly refused and insisted to keep this marriage up and eventually wore me down.

OSS eventually moved out but our marriage will never be the same. Damage cannot be fixed. Your relationship will probably become abusive if your SS moves in. Boys are difficult to deal with and cannot be left unparented

thank you for sharing your

thank you for sharing your story. This forum is so helpful in not feeling alone in the trenches of stepparenting.

It highlights exactly what is in store for me if I stay. I'm working my hardest to get tf out of here before this dudes son gets dropped of here permanently/full-time without my consent.

It's horrible knowing that these skids have the audacity to think they are on some imaginary pedestal these bio parent have in their delusions of grandeur / come before the spouse. And your husband not backing up during this time is insane!