Mixed Feelings
Hello all! This is my very first entry so please be kind. Lol. Well to start off my issue is with my 10 year old (soon to be 11 years old) step son as well as my husband. I have tried to ignore the fact that for various reasons I do not like my step son. I feel guilty to a certain extent for having dislike towards a child but I cant seem to stop myself from having negative feelings towards him. One of my biggest issues with my step son is his horrible behavior. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and sometimes I feel bad for getting upset with him for things that he really MAY not be able to control. He says some of the rudest things, he is very impulsive, not to mention having constant behavior issues. I know that my husband is somewhat responsible for his sons overall bad attitude and is partially to blame along with his ex for the way they raised him. I dont agree with the morals they have instilled in him. My step son is only 10 and already judges people based off of their appearance, the type of car they drive, how much money they have, as well as the type of home they live in. For example, I drive a 2008 Nissan Versa and I was told by my step son that my car was trash and I needed to get a new one. When I questioned him about his rude comment to try and grasp his reasoning he simply told me that his mother drives a Lexus as if to insinuate that my car wasnt up to his standards. I know it seems like something so small to get upset about but I have a 6 year old daughter of my own and I would never let her disrespect me or my husband and I dont feel I should have to put up with disrespect from my step son. I have tried to talk to my husband about his sons behavior but he is completely oblivious and thinks that his son can do no wrong. Over all I feel this deep seeded resentment growing deep down inside for my step son and I honestly dont want to feel this way. I would never mistreat my step son in any way but Im not ignorant to the fact that I really dont feel any emotions or connection to him as much as I want to. I pray all the time about this situation and ask God to help me be more patient and understanding with my stepson. I feel so guilty but I also feel that I have a valid point when it comes to my concerns.
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Comments
Read StepCoupling and
Read StepCoupling and StepMonster.
The first may give you some suggestions and a little validation that how you feel is normal, the latter will validate your feelings.
I started out like you, best intentions, I have my own 2 bios I cherish, how could I not like DH's kids. I grew with SD who is now 13 and we do fine, but SS7, it started out like you are describing in your blog, it got worse, it got even worse than that, I disengaged and now here I am. Things haven't changed except for my disengagement. I simply don't like him.
StepCoupling tells you to find one thing you can like about the skid, one small thing and focus on it, if its his athletic ability - try to play catch with him, blah blah. I can't find a thing. I have tried a few times to find something, i feel so bad that I can't find a thing I give up. I hope someday I will be able to find something about SS7 I can focus on - today I am at a loss.
Thanks so much for your
Thanks so much for your comment. Sometimes I do feel like I am just this horrible person for having these feelings. The thing about focusing on my SS good qualities is a good idea. I guess because there are so many bad qualities to choose from I never really looked for the good. Thanks again
You are welcome - I do all
You are welcome - I do all the reading, but I struggle applying what I read. I hope it works for you. I am still trying to make it work myself.
This boy is very very rude. I
This boy is very very rude. I know how you feel. My fiancees son told me my face looks like an old suitcase the first Thanksgiving I spent with him. He has three kids and they are all horrible brats. The funny thing is I am 39 and I look younger then 30. I am a size 4, much prettier then his mother, my face looks nothing like an one suitcase, and well, even if it did this boy is lazy, has a low IQ, never brushes his teeth or changes his clothes, gets average grades, is weird, isn't popular at school, and the list goes on and on. He has grown up with a sense of entitlement and being spoiled just like your future step son. It sounds like anyways. These kids expect to have everything handed to them yet they have never worked a day in their life.
It feels pretty miserable to be around that garbage....and when the father does nothing to stick up for you it hurts even worse. Try and remind yourself where this kid will be when he grows up. Unless he is handed everything, eventually he will have to earn a living and realize what an idiotic thing that was he said. He sounds like he's just an asshole. You'll just have to get used to it and decide if you can ignore him or not. My skids are the most spoiled useless entitled little shits ever and they think they are like STARS. its hilarious. I just laugh because they will fail at life and I know this. They are idiots. Like the rest of us, you have to learn to disengage, not take it personally, get out of the house more often, or.....leave permanently.
I feel for you and wish you the best. What an asshole.