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Socializing with SDs In-laws

Kinder1's picture

Submitted by Kinder1 on Fri, 06/10/2016 - 6:10am

I'm looking for opinions here. I'm currently disengaging from 3 adult Skids. The most difficult one is 24 and married to a great guy who has great parents. DH and I have socialized with them a few times a year over the last several years. Now that I am disengaging and based on the fact that SD haI am thinking why should I befriend SDs in-laws when she won't even say hello to me on the phone anymore. I am rethinking seeing the in-laws. DH asked last night if we should call them to go out to dinner and I said not this weekend. Do you think I should steer clear of them as well as SD?

Comments

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Fri, 06/10/2016 - 6:50am

Are these people part of the same group that would be at SD's Father's Day BBQ?

If so, IMO, you'd be initiating awkwardness by refusing the BBQ (due to SD's guest list of including BM and SF) but then inviting SD's in-laws to instead have a dinner out with you and DH. You're disengaging from SD and snubbing her BBQ, which is fine. But then why put SD's husband's parents in the position of 'choosing sides'?

Find some other couple to be occasional social dinner friends with.

Just my 2 cents. I just feel it's the beginning of unintended troubles ahead with SD.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Fri, 06/10/2016 - 7:25am

To me, this is like when family members stay friends with your EX or with family of the EX. If you want to disengage from SD, there is no compelling reason to nurture a friendship with her husband's parents. Of course, if you see them in other social settings you can be cordial, but I wouldn't be interested in actively pursuing a relationship. I guess your DH may be a little in the middle if HE isn't disengaged and wants to be more involved.

Icansorelate's picture

Submitted by Icansorelate on Fri, 06/10/2016 - 8:14am

You are disengaging, meaning, while still being cordial to the SDs you are not letting them take up head space, are not jumping when they tell you to, are not trying to make them like you, etc?

If that is what you mean by disengaging, then go ahead and socialize with the in laws. I actually would see that as part of successful disengaging.

If by disengaging you have banned the SDs completely from your life, then no, do not socialize with the in laws.

sammigirl's picture

Submitted by sammigirl on Fri, 06/10/2016 - 9:18am

No, you are not disengaging from in-laws. Just try to spend time without SD. I also am disengaged from my grown SD (7 years). I don't invite her and I spend anytime I wish with my DH's family when they come to town. DH has finally got the hint that I don't want to be around my SD56 and SGD30. I don't disengage from any of DH's family except these two toxic women.

If you go to dinner with the in-laws; just tell DH you prefer to go with them only. No excuses or explanations.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 06/10/2016 - 8:16pm

I think this could get tricky.

On one hand, if you like them, you should be able to socialize with them. On the other hand, you only know them because of your SD, correct?

So, what happens when they suggest a get together with everybody, including their son and your SD, their daughter-in-law? How do you tell them, "No can do, hate that bitch."