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O/T......TMI Question

just_tired's picture

1. How often do you and your SO have sex
2. Who has the higher sex drive
3. How often do u think u should have sex

Here's why I'm asking...I'm 35 my DH is 31, I have a way higher sex drive than he does. I want sex multiple times a week and he would be good 1 or 2 times a month. I feel like I have to beg for sex and it makes me feel unwanted, he tells me that's not true.

Comments

simifan's picture

1. 2-3 times a week
2. I have a much higher sex drive
3. I could have sex just about everyday

I'm 42 my DH is 40. I have a much higher sex drive and we've have many arguments about this. I too felt like I had to beg for sex, felt unwanted and unloved. I too am told "that's not true." DH says he can't keep up with me and I've always had an abnormally high sex drive - personally i think my sex drive has changed very little since i was younger. He has been tested. There are no physical issues. He says he feels "stressed about sex."

We schedule "intimate time" 3 times per week. No clothes, 1 hour long - I will be taken care of regardless of what "pops up". It's working so far.

Best of luck to you.

furkidsforme's picture

1. How often do you and your SO have sex- two to four times A YEAR Sad
2. Who has the higher sex drive- I'm not sure. I want to say me, but I don't know. DH has issues with ED, so issues around sex have gotten REALLY complicated. I don't initiate anymore because I'm tired of being frustrated with the "I'm sorry Honey, it's just not working" and me having to lie and say "Oh, it's really OK" when it fucking ISN'T ok.
3. How often do u think u should have sex- at least once a week. If the sex was good, as in I got to have a climax, I would be up for 3-4 times a week. But it is never good anymore. Haven't had an orgasm with him for about a year. Before that one it also about a year.

Indigo's picture

Great topic. In the past, I did have to beg for sex with ex-DH. A few times/month. Years and years of feeling as if I were undesirable, infertile, etc.

Currently, logistics dictate our sexlife. SO/FDH lives in different town. He drives down and spends one day during week, we tend to drive up there for 1-2 nights on weekend. Works for us.

1. It varies a little, but in general 3-4 times each week over the last 2 years. If we're tired at night, the early mornings are fair game.
2. I'm post menopausal so my drive may be lower than when I was younger. Currently, I may have the stronger drive, but SO knows that it is important to me so he "works hard" to keep the physical expression going. (grin) Something to be said for dating an experienced older man ... he understands foreplay.
3. I'd like 3-4 times/week when we live together. Lots of cuddles, hugs, PDA etc during the week.

I'm 51+, SO is 69+. SO purchased a "double-wide" recliner for us when we started dating. Lots of physical contact --- sexual and nonsexual. I'm worried about SO's aging and decreasing desire, but so far we're good. A few "quickies" every month just for fun, but in general, longer sessions with the bedroom door locked ... or the recliner when the kids are gone ... or truly, I'm having the time of my Life.

WokeUpABug's picture

We live in different cities and see each other only on weekends. Due to craziness of the weekends we have skids it might be only once. So I guess once per week. Pretty depressing.

DH has the higher sex drive, but not by a lot.

I don't think there's any right answer. I think it is entirely dependent on the sex drive of the two people. As long as the couple more or less is on the same page. It's bad when a high drive person is paired with a low drive person. That's a recipe for unhappiness on both sides.

Sunflower1's picture

1. Pre pregnancy? At least four times a week. While we where TTC? Twice a day some days ( there is something freeing about not worrying if you might get pregnant. Currently? Once every couple of months. I wish I had a sex drive, you hear about pregnant women wanting it all the time-sadly I'm not one of those women.

2. Usually I have the higher sex drive.

3. Four + times a week with plenty of snuggles. Currently we try to make sure to get plenty of touching in. Back rubs, kisses, snuggles and hugs.

z3girl's picture

^^THIS^^

Pregnancy has destroyed my sex drive. I don't mind it, but I don't want to initiate. It feels like a complete chore to take care of him, especially since he won't take care of me in any way while I'm pregnant. Since pregnant, I get orgasms from dreams in my sleep, but not DH.

Prior to pregnancy, probably 1-2 times per week after we had children. Before we had children, more like 3-4 times per week. DH thinks his sex drive is higher than mine, but I beg to differ. He gets "bored" easily, and is less sensual than I am, so for him it gets stale, whereas I love the comfort of a person you are close with and know so well. Blah...

Sunflower1's picture

I get those dreams too! And then feel a bit guilty for not wanting to get busy! Sigh, I want to want sex.

momof3smof2's picture

Unless one of us is sick, or something weird is going on, we have sex at least daily. 1-2 times a month? That would end our relationship.

HungryEyes's picture

1. I do. I always have in every relationship.
2. 2-3 times a week.
3. 6 times a week.

We're pretty well matched but I definitely want it more. He has a physical job so it's been difficult but we're still hanging on.

just_tired's picture

Well I would love daily but in reality 3 to 4 times a week would be wonderful. My DH has had his level checked and according to the chart he is in the normal range, but at the low end of normal. So his male doctor told he was fine and with age the want to have sex can go away, ummmm I am not okay with that answer. I am lucky to get some once a week, sometimes it's once every 2 weeks. He does cuddle with me every night to go to sleep, but I want more of him and less of cuddling..lol

Otherwise I have an amazing hard working hubby, sex just isn't important to him; I guess.

Thank you all for honest replies Smile