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A little rant

JRI's picture

Im the 74yo SM of SD58 who we subsidize after a 10- month residence with us where we were terrorized by her drug use, lying, stealing, manipulation and night creeping.  Part of the deal is that her car insurance is charged to our credit card and she reimburses me in cash for it monthly.  This is working ok altho I don't know if the money she hands me is hers or 83yo DH's but I don't care since he and I separated finances.  She has no credit.

When I got my charge a couple days ago, I noticed a different insurance amount, say $20.  I told DH to let her know. Today, I said, did you talk to her about the insurance.  DH: ok, I'll call her.  Later, DH: it's not that big a deal (meaning just pay it and don't bother her).  I said, i know it's not a big deal but she needs to know what it is.  DH:  can't you call?  I said, no, I can't call, I don't know the policy number or anything (note: I wouldnt call even if I did).  Later, he called her but at his age, gets confused and gave me the phone. 

I explained to SD58 that we are seeing a diffetent amount and I don't know what it is and suggested she call.  Next, she went on for 15 minutes how she hates this stuff, how all her friends pay less, how her brother gets hundreds of tickets and doesn't pay this much, how this type of thing makes her anxiety worse.  As she was ranting, i noticed the $20 was on the same day as we normally see the debit so I suggested this might be a rebate or one-time deduction.  Another 15 minutes ensued of how she knows her insurance isn't going down to $20 a month, how she is going to call and cancel, how this stuff makes her so nervous.

At this point, I was holding the phone about a foot from my ear and DH was looking on anxiously.  I finally said, call them, it might be goid news, a one-time reduction, here's Daaad.

Her last question, what's their phone number?




Kona_California's picture

I feel like you are being taken advantage of and it makes me angry. It's difficult to hear about a 58-year-old acting like a freaking teenager. You are helping her out in a big way and she yells at you when you ask her about a charge? That isn't anxiety, that's entitlement.  It sounds like she knows soooo much when it comes to insurance and how much she should pay, so she can go handle it herself! Cut that ungrateful ball of stress off.

JRI's picture

You are singing to the choir here.  You are perceptive saying that she sounds like a teenager.  In her head and in her actions, she's the same person she was at 17 and yes, entitled.  That was the point I was trying to make to DH and her: here"s a fact, handle it.  Everything is a big, damn deal.  I'm constantly saying variations of, " that's life:.

SteppedOut's picture

A lot of insuance companies are giving refunds or credits to insureds since people are driving less. My insurance company gave 20% off for May and June and 10% for July and August. 

JRI's picture

It's probably good news, but in her world, everything is impending disaster.  It boggles my mind why it's such a big deal just to find out.  I try to disengage and gray rock as much as possible but..... sigh.

Catmom23's picture

Yeah, i agree...even my insurance company gave out a rebate a couple of months ago because of COVID19.  I had a check sent because I only pay my car insurance once a year.

advice.only2's picture

I swear this is Meth Mouth, except her father is dead and it doesn't sound like her mother will be here much longer either.  I figure this will be Spawns fate dealing with Meth Mouths bills and whining, but hey that's how Spawn always wanted it, just her and her Meth Mommy. 

JRI's picture

SD58 is like her dead mom in that she is a dependent, aggressive, volatile, needy person.  I don't think BM was quite so whiny, just more demanding.  SD58 isn't so much demanding as manipulative.  Her core belief is that someone, dad, husband, SM, whoever, should be smoothing her path, paying for everything, solving all problems.   She has had success with that mode between dear ole Daad and SM in the early years, then 2 husband's til they got sick of it, now dear ole Daad again.  I keep thinking about that Steptalker whose therapist told her DH, "You are going to die.  How will she cope then?"

Catmom23's picture

Yes, that was me...that's what my counselor told my BF the ONE time he went to counseling with me .

So...what WILL happen to SD when her father passes away???

JRI's picture

My 97yo mom is in long term nearby so I'm here til she passes.  But when DH passes after that, Im moving out of town to be by my bios.  When that happens, I plan to have a come to Jesus meeting with SD58's 3 kids and lay it all out saying, "Im done".  If one of them chooses to step up and take over the expenses and put the car insurance on their credit card, good.  Otherwise, sayonara, see ya.  I plan to consult a lawyer about it all first.  SD58 isnt in the best health so maybe she will go earlier than DH and none of this will.happen.

Catmom23's picture

Unreal.  My son has managed his own car insurance policy on his own for years and he just turned 25.  He'd be embarrassed if a parent had to do something like that for him.

No one ENJOYS making follow up phone calls on these sort of things but guess what?  Most people suck it up and do it.  Why are these skids exempt from any sort of discomfort or having to do anything slightly unpleasant?

Kes's picture

As said by another poster above, she indeed sounds like a teenager, wanting Daddeee to make all right for her and put his hand in his wallet.   Her mental and emotional age sounds like about 16 or less.  Given her Dad's age, being realistic she is not going to have him around for more than another 10 yrs and possibly a good deal less, and it doesn't sound like she is prepared for that inevitability at all. 

JRI's picture

I think even she realizes she is not prepared to handle her own life.  She monitors his health news and when she hears optimistic news often says, " I'll have him here for a long time".  So sick.

Winterglow's picture

"Let me make this easy for you to understand SD, either you call them to find out or I'm taking your insurance off of our CC. Your call." And hang up.

ESMOD's picture

My insurance company has given me not one.. but two rebates this year due to a "covid" refund they are returning to policy holders.  

still learning's picture

Time to wean her off the insurance. Just tell her that the insurance won't insure her under your policy since she's not in the same household.  Call the insurance and tell them she's no longer living with you. Give them her address and have them transfer it to her ASAP! Their decision not yours so they're the *bad guy* not you.  

58 is waaaaaay to old for this! 

JRI's picture

That would be heaven but its her own insurance company.  They required billing via charge and she has no credit


Iamwoman's picture

This whole scenario sickens me.

At yours and DH's ages, skids and kids should be taking care of and looking out for YOU.