You are here

Entitled Teens

Jesselaine's picture

Submitted by Jesselaine on Sun, 10/18/2020 - 11:33am

Hi! I'm two years into being stepmom to two teenage girls, 14 & 16. Well, last night we had a family talk that escalated FAST...this has never happened before. It all came about because their dad wanted to spend the day with them, after taking several days off work this week to hang out with them over their fall break, and them making other plans those days.

i learned something from that conversation last night, as I sat there, incredulous at their lack of respect for their dad, who is one of the kindest people I've ever known...I realized that they are GREAT kids, as long as: 1. They are constantly entertained, or have fun things going on around them all the time, and 2. As long as they get to do whatever they want(!). The word "no" is foreign to them, and I've known this from early on. Their birth mom is a doctor and they're well-off, and travel all over the world, etc., and have a massive sense of entitlement. 

This is no reality I've ever lived in, and their well-meaning parents have created monsters, and I saw it last night. (Oo-boy! I saw it! And when they turned on me, it was NO FUN.) If I'm being honest, I know there's very little chance of changing their well-worn patterns at this point in time, and my gut instinct is to just want to run away and not deal with this crap, but I love their dad dearly and we only have a few years left of them being at home. (I am counting the days). Does anyone have any advice on how to get through the next 4 years? Do I just shut my mouth & stuff what I really think?

Comments

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sun, 10/18/2020 - 11:40am

Personally, I would not put up, and shut up.  Spent too many years doing that, and all it does is affect your mental and physical health very badly, and cause you a lot of resentment.  Speak your truth, albeit kindly not harshly, even if it means your relationship ends. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Sun, 10/18/2020 - 11:56am

Can you be sure it's only for 4 more years? Like, in writing? If you read enough blogs here you will see that some entitled teens grow to be entitled adults who are thorns in your side forever. There's a poster here still dealing with this and her SD is pushing 60!

Dovina's picture

Submitted by Dovina on Sun, 10/18/2020 - 12:06pm

OP  them turning 18 will NOT change anything. Catered to kids become catered to adults. The older they get the harder it is to watch. So pls push out of your mind its only 4 more years...chances are it will be a lifetime.

Best thing to do is disengage as to what daddy does for them. However if it affects your finances, and the relationship is at the expense of you then you need to speak up to your DH.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Sun, 10/18/2020 - 3:02pm

It NEVER ends because they are going to get worse, and ATM momee and dadee will pay the price. Or else. Kids like this turn into a$$hole adults and just when you think "oh good, 18 and out!" Then there is college to pay for and college breaks to negotiate, and then they have children that they can use as little hostages. You want to see your grands, well you have to do what I want. You said no? Well no grands for YOU!

How did your husband respond? Did he just sit there and take it? If he did the only thing to do is disengage and tell him why. You do not want them thinking its ok to treat you badly. You do not want your husband to allow you nor himself to be treated badly. State this to him. He needs to have balls and stand up to them.

You must disengage. Do do anything for them. No mani pedi parties, no special trips. They are showing you who they are. If he has less custody time than the mother, he can organize all that for them, you do not. Focus on your marriage and yourself and if you have bios, focus on that. Focus on YOU.