there are so many things going on right now that I had to talk to my steptalk family without fear of recriminations

So I have changed my account name-I am not going to divulge who I used to be but for those that were here yesterday hopefully it will be easy for you to figure out.

A lot has happened since my last post. I guess my ss is moving in. MIL has decided that he's just an "asshole". And wants him to leave. Evidently this has been coming down the pike for quite a while-dh has known about it for about a week-which is why the heck he has been acting so strange all this time. He asked me about a week ago what I would do if mil just didnt want ss anymore-I thought this was hypothetical question and didnt bother to think thru it and simply said something along the lines of I guess we couldnt be together. He took that as our whole discussion on what we were going to do. So he WAS making plans to move out-NOT he said because he wanted to, but because he felt that I was kicking him out. He literally called me at work and said can we talk? I'm going to find a place of my own for ss and I and withdrew half of our savings!!! Excuse me? So the more we talked-he evidently feels he has no choice-mil doesnt want ss-ss already called bm a week ago and she refused to take him, bm is moving in with her mom, so that grandma is now no longer an option. End of the road.

I told him that I was not going to allow a child who does not wish to behave to tear my marriage apart and take MY kids father away from them. I told him if I agreed to letting ss come there would need to be some condition. One, we have to do things MY way. He has tried his way, we've tried bm's way, mil's way and with no success-and since I have 3 fairly good kids myself it's time for dh to start letting me make the decisions. He agreed. I told him that if some months down the road it is just horrible he is going to have to be willing to throw in the towel and be ok with us just driving him to bm's and dropping him off if necessary. He said he was unsure that he could "Just drop him off"-I told him not to worry that I felt that I could :). I needed an out. I couldnt agree to this if the thought is that he will definitely be with us for the next 4 years no matter what. He did agree and said that he would find another option (that didnt include dh leaving)if things are bad with ss. And lastly, my ds12 had the option of moving into our office downstairs that is next to our room. He agreed.

so, yeah, we are moving on this within days. I've talked to my kids. My ds12 definitely wanted to move downstairs and is quite excited about the idea (of the room, not ss). My kids expressed a few concerns which were mostly related to ss13 at school-(my dd14 is in the same grade, ds a grade below them). SS evidently has no clue-he stayed up all night last night drinking energy drinks and posting on facebook-dh is going to tell him tonight.

I've prepared a list of items to discuss with dh. Is it crazy to say I almost feel a little relieved? I know that's weird. But I've known this day was coming since the bm kicked him out of the house last July. I knew it was inevitable. I knew the mil would not want to keep him once she really got a dose of him. So now instead of walking around with a cloud of anxiety I can at least move forward. If dh really allows me to make these parenting decisions and has my back-I think I can do this. I know ss is going to freak. He is not going to deal with our rules and restrictions. My dh will finally have an opportunity to see what his kid is really like on a day in day out basis (he has not lived full time with ss for months on end since he was 2 or 3 because he travels so much for his job).

do I think it will work? Not really, I think it is a massive longshot. I do believe in miracles, so who knows, right? i think what is more likely to occur is that he will stay with us til everyone (including ss) cant take it anymore and he will be shuffled off to the next home. Sad I know-but all we can do is throw this kid a life preserver-if he doesnt want to grab on we cant make him-and if he insists on sinking my goal is just to make sure noone else in my household goes down with him.