Can you start a new house rule that cell phones are not allowed after a certain time each evening or all phones off after lights out at night? 

Man, that is a bind you're in.

So if you're out at a movie or at a park, do the skids stop everything to take her calls? I'm wondering if you can keep them so busy with things that don't make talking easy if that might break this cycle.

I agree if you take the phone, it will make them feel uncomfortable -- BM has made them beholden to her. The oldest probably does feel guilty reporting everything, but she'd/he'd also feel guilty ignoring her calls. If you take the phone, there will probably be hell to pay and the skids will be the ones who will hear it when they get home.

This is a good problem for a counselor. See if you can move up your next visit to address this sooner. Those poor kids. Wow. BM will make a mess of them if this keeps up.

Who is paying the cell phone bill?   If it is you and DH, then definitely institute rules.  If it is the BM then it's a bit more tricky. 

phones away.  Kids only have access to phone after dinner for a hour and half.  No phones when you go out or after a certain time at night.  You have to end this 

He should be punished for not respecting your boundaries. He has two families now. He needs to understand that.  If he is using his phone to violate boundaries he loses his phone. Teach this kid some boundaries and respect. He should be very worried about disclosing your private home life to his mother. That is a big no no. He doesn't live in a fairytale life where everything is rosey and sunny. Sorry kid, you come from a divorced family. You have two families now. If he is old enough to have a phone, he is old enough to understand basic family boundaries. Woud he be fine if you went around texting his daily activities to someone not in his family,  Yes BM is his family, but BM is neither YOUR friend nor YOUR family, AND you arent' BM's babysitter. You are operating a FAMILY that she is not part of. Express this very directlyto BM and if she is too dumb to understand then let her throw a fit. Who cares.

This child’s mother is putting him in an awkward position; it would be in dad’s best interest to put strict restrictions on his cell phone usage while he’s at your house. At the same time it would be cutting off her source of information. All this child knows is that he’s being loyal to his mom. He may not even fully comprehend how his compliance plays into damaging shared custody. In order for things to be as copacetic as humanly possible, you need to cut the head off of the snake. 

It’s true, SS might not be happy with this new and improved house rules when it comes to unnecessary contact with his mom, but oh well. First world problems and all that jazz. 

I would swiftly start edging that phone into being out of comission while he’s there. You and DH don’t need the drama that comes from it and hopefully it will curb BM’s nitpicking behavior. 

My DH’s ex got their daughter an iPhone at 7 years old. We were like “Oh hell no!” It went up and away the moment we got her. 

Oh yes, we have been in your shoes. 

BM was always calling, texting, and she GRILLS the skids when they are with her. We had a guardian ad litem who recommended 1 phone call per night, and no more. My BF made sure it was in their court agreement. BM or BF can’t withhold the ability to call totally (although if my BF let skids use his phone to call, that would be acceptable, as long as she has 1 call per day...it doesn’t HAVE to be on skids phone). I would tell skid and BM that she can call once per day (and not during 2hr visits!), and if it goes over that, his phone will be taken away. If everyone knows that’s the deal, it won’t be a surprise when the phone is taken for violating it. There’s no reason she needs to be all up in your business ALL the time! 

Texting is harder to control, unless you do as others say and put the parental controls on his phone, or take it. 

Recently BM has decided she’s going to call skid (8) more than once a night occasionally, when skid and I are trying to watch a movie together. I think she’s doing it as an assertion of her “power”, and also because it interrupts skid and I. The 8yr old won’t even answer the phone if she calls a second time, so BM calls the older skid, who hands the phone to younger one. I let it go the other night, but when she did it the next night too I told skid she needed to hang up. Skid is very aware of the rule and if BM calls her again, she tries to rush BM off the phone...BM will be mid-sentence about some nonsense and skid says “ok bye”, repeatedly, and BM can’t even get a sentence out, even though she tries her hardest to keep skid on the phone. It’s quite entertaining to watch. Anyway, the other night skid tried to rush BM off the phone, and finally said, “I have to go”. BM asked why...skid said, “cause only 1 call a night”. BM says “oh. Well hey, did you get any bug bites?”, and tried to keep skid on the phone. I am FUMING at this point, cause BM knows I told skid to hang up and is playing games. I told skid to hang up again, and she did. THEN, 2 mins later, BM’s other daughter from another father calls skid to talk. I said it was ok, but then i hear BM in the background talking too. UGH! I just hate that BM puts her in that position!!! 

If she keeps it up, we may have to take further action to enforce the 1 call a night rule. 

Good luck, BM’s that act like this are hard to deal with! 

Take the phone away at bedtime - if the kid is losing sleep then that's that - the phone shouldn't be in the bedroom at night. The other stuff is a little trickier but there has been some good advice about limiting phone calls. 

My son has an iphone and puts his on "do not disturb" during school hours mon-fri. It is actually irritating becasue he will forget on early dismissal days and I can't always get in touch with him right away. Maybe something like that would work? Do not disturb from 9pm-7am. She can still text and call, but it just goes straight to voicemail and all of his texts will alert at 7am.