I'm sorry. I don't mean to be flippant. I know you are looking for real solutions, but I don't know that there are any. We're all in the same boat, just trying to find a way to get through the day. There are good days and there are bad. Sometimes all you can do is learn how to roll with the punches. For me, I find it best to not interact with my skids' BM unless it's absolutely necessary or something so minor that it wouldn't cause any turbulation. Otherwise, my husband deals with her. It's taken a lot of years, but I've learned to not let myself be affected by her. There are going to be times when you have to play the game. We try to just live our lives and keep to our game plan as much as possible. If she lets us have the kids, then great. If she doesn't, then we motor on without them. It's not always easy, it's never fair and it gets beyond frustrating when you and your BF/DH/SO/Whatever don't see eye to eye on how to deal with it. The best advice I can give would be to find a way to not let it affect you, because that only gives her more power. Live the best life you can live in spite of her. And when it gets to be too much, come here. Sometimes it helps just to dump it on folks who care and understand, that way you don't carry it around with you. Welcome! You are among friends.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

...and found a solution. Although I have drama's and because I am in such a raw state at present, I feel that perhaps I shouldn't be one to give advice when all my shit is going bad. But on this particular topic, I am very familiar.

When I met DH 2.5 years ago, he was waiting on her doorstep for 3 hours while she played with his head. E.G..she would say pick SS up at 5 he would get there at 5pm and she would arrive home at 8pm and there would be the good father waiting on the doorstep at her convenience! My DH's son means so much to him that he would do whatever she said and go with all the BS she put him through so he could spend time with his boy. So I come along and say this woman is controlling you and since you are with me I find that offensive, so I would like you to stop doing everything she says. He says to me that he is worried she will take visitation from him should he stand up to her. I said well she has had you as babysitter at the drop of a hat for 8 years and some now, I don't think she will survive without her babysitter for long. (she is a very socially active person, likes to be out on the town)

My suggestion to him was to stop letting her choose when she would screw him around and just stick to an agreement if she pulls something on you don't hang around let her keep doing it and stop reacting when she fights with you, SS doesn't need to hear that. So he would call on a Thursday and ask what the visitation will be this weekend and a time, if she agree's to a time and isn't there, he would leave.Then call SS then next day and tell him you came to get him at the right time but he wasn't there. If she said no to visitation, don't argue with her, he would say ok and hang up the phone. She got onto this pretty quickly and started saying 'you can't call Thursday to see if you are having him friday, I need a weeks notice!!

So he'd call on a monday to ask for visitation, she says no again and DH says OK and hangs up. So it was 5 weeks of her playing her stupid games with DH (and only because she was pissed he had a girlfriend) On the 5th week DH says to me, I don't think this is working, it is breaking my heart not seeing my son, I tell him he can go back to the way things were if he likes, after all it's his son and his choice, but you will always live under her control.

DH decides to keep trying a little longer and low and behold on the 6th week she calls and says to DH 'are you gonna come and pick up your F@#$ing Son!!! DH says sure, what time and I will be there. She says a time, he goes at that time, SS was there and came to dad's house. From then on we picked up SS at set times agreed and kept to them. So please get your hubby to stand up for himself now. BM will continue to control and run your lives forever, I don't want DH to have visitation taken from him, but I also won't have his ex controlling our lives because he lets her. We don't stuff her around with visitation and we don't expect to stuffed around either. We don't feel as if we won, we just got her seeing that mutual respect works better for everyone. She is still a bitch and still talks to DH like shit on the phone and won't speak to me, but she knows if she pulls her crap she will lose her babysitter for the weekend!! Sad huh? But you mention that she is the type who likes 'her time', so this may work for you also. Best of luck!!

Catch xx

h2bs ex is all about the paper work if it isn't in the paper work or going to benifit her in some way then forget it. She so gets on my nerves about it they even tell you in court that your parenting plan is not set in stone and can be adjusted we do it weekly for my ex.
I just enjoy the fact that I don't have to deal with her she doesn't even speak to me and I am fine with that. Myabe one of these days the parents that make it difficult will relize they aren't hurting us they are only hurting the child

Hang in there, we are here for you( I would say it gets easier but you know what I would go to he** for lying lol)