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Experience as a mother and stepmom suffering endometriosis and ovarian cancer

Imaginarystepmother's picture

I suffer from endometriosis, ovarian cancer, I'm 30, and have been married for 4 years. I have a daughter of my own who is 11, three stepdaughters, one that is 12,16,and the last is married, out of the household, and 34. The two youngest stepdaughters are actually half sisters to the eldest stepdaughter. My husband is a great father, however I find myself home with his two youngest because the biological mother and himself have joint custody meaning every other week we have the two youngest on mon, tues, Friday, sat, and sunday. I understand teenagers can be full of surprises, drama, and hormones, however the 16 year old could care less about my medical condition and continuously gets mad over simple things and guess who get that blame? Me! Example: I am the substitute who takes them to the doctor when the school calls,and I'm the caregiver spending more time with them while being sick and while their father is at work. They are spoiled, and if I say the word no, for another example, 16 year old had dental appointment and I was busting my tale getting everyone ready and out of no where she ask if her boyfriend can come over. I say not without your father here, please get ready, pick up your room, and she literally jumps up and down claiming her mother candles dental appointment when she didnt, i contact both parents and they say no, she has to go get braces off, and I have blown most drama off until recently. She slipped and told me her biological mother cried because she went with her 16 year old friends who are new to driving with new driving license, and her mother told her to ask her father and my 16 year old stepdaughter said no he will just say no, so the biological mother let her go. When she was here on our weekend she tried to sneak that she was going to a football game with her friend and the friends parent would be driving them and driving them back home however I sensed she wasn't being honest and when her dad seen she wasnt, i was blamed when he was mad at her, because for safety purposes I warned him she let me know she had been riding with kids new to driving without parents present. 16 year old stepdaughter gets mad, calls her half sister who is in her 30s and her older sister cussed her father, sent me a text with f u, and I tried letting it blow over and shutting my mouth. It didn't work so I let them know for now own I wasn't their friend, i was a substitute parent who was concerned for safety and her dad would now drive her wherever she needed to go whether it be the store, her moms, to get something to eat, or whatever and the only time I would be her taxi driver would be when she was ill, and needed a doctor. They don't pick up after themselves, expect me to clean their room, wash their clothes, clean their bathroom, pick up after them after supper, etc. That has now stopped, because anyone 16 or older knows how to pick up after themselves and when i said "I do" I didn't mean I do your teens laundry, i didn't mean I do your teens xhores, i didn't mean I do take cussings from your eldest, and I sure didn't mean I do agree to be a nanny. Sad

Comments

notsurehowtodeal's picture

How long ago was the surgery for the ovarian cancer? Are you still doing chemo? Why in the world are you doing any care taking for kids that aren't your own when you are fighting cancer? As a 20 year ovarian cancer survivor, I speak from experience when I say the last thing you need is any extra stress in your life.

You are very young to have ovarian cancer. Hopefully you have done genetic texting for both BRCA and Lynch Syndrome.

Imaginarystepmother's picture

I've been through surgery after surgery. I have been through chemo, I've had ovaries removed however the doctor didn't do a full hysterectomy because of my age. I suffer from daily pain, nausea, fatigue, and I get sick very easily. Sadly, the three step kids do not understand how hard it is to be in my current situation and they continue to make my life hell. My husband takes care of me well but the kids play the game of making their dad feel as they don't want to come visit which makes him upset, and I shouldn't say this but my exact thoughts are well don't come if you hate us so much. I have extreme anxiety and have to take anxiety meds for panic attacks. When they arrive it gets ten times worse. I recently lost it and went off on them and never do that considering I don't want them to have the satisfaction that they did get to me. However I've gotten to the point where I can't keep my mouth shut when i have a 16 year old talk to me like I'm nothing but a pos.

bearcub25's picture

You have to learn to disengage and ignore. 16yo says no or talks back, just turn and walk away. Its good you stopped giving her rides. I understand you are just concerned about her safety, but you can't care more than her bio parents do.

There are good articles on this site to disengaging. You need to read them, and then put into practice. Usually, once you start just ignoring them and they know they aren't getting to you, they will just leave you alone.

stepinafrica's picture

:jawdrop: :jawdrop: Your daughter is only 11. She needs you and you need to take care of yourself for her sake. If I were you I would not have the skids over in the absence of their dad. Ever.