A Waste of 11 Years?
At first, it's so important to *win* the custody battle. Then, you learn there really are no winners. Disney Dad, Crazy BM, Psycho SD....and all I really wanted was to marry DH and have a family. I didn't want drama. In fact, I wanted to prove the world wrong...that some SMs are able to raise a SD and that BM will just accept things as they are and move on. If it's over, then it's over. Right? Why did BM think it could possibly help her to continue to be psycho?
SD turned 18. In a dramatic, crushing "I f-in HATE YOU" fashion, she moved out. Her plans aren't working out according to her master plan. (OH? Really? duh) I found out today that BM is the one who worked her up into being such a sh*t to me when she moved out. And, that BM is trying to talk SD18 into moving in with her (hours away).
In the end, after all the drama, all the disappointment, all of the successes (too), and the high school graduation has happened, SD18 will most likely go to BM. Have I just wasted 11 years of my life?
Is that the bottom line?
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Wow IceCube. You nailed it. I
Wow IceCube. You nailed it. I dont have the answer but I have the same experience so far.
I started out wanting to assist DH in getting the custody he wanted from the evil BM who was just trying to take his kids from him.
We settled on 50-50.
Now its more like BM 40, DH, 25, SM 35 - why was I in DH's corner again to get the skids for HIM when I am the one stuck with them.
I started out drinking the DH koolaid of how he wanted his kids to be like my kids, well raised, polite, behave appropriately, manners, good work ethic. Only to find out DH really wanted to be a Disney Dad and I better not engage unless I am there eating cotton candy and drinking soda along side him. I must listen to him rack his brain as to why his kids dont act like mine but not raise my voice or a finger in discipline but just scratch my head along side.
I thought I would be MOTY and gain a daughter and a son. Instead I gained a BM who is out to get me at every turn, wants to dump her kids on me but refuses to awknowledge my existance unless its for free babysitting in which is an expectation and never asked, thanked or appreciated - only bitched about.
We are not to the age of moving out anytime soon - but I figure its going to go about how yours went. I can see already SS7 doesn't want to be with dear old dad unless he is getting entertained or given things - otherwise he is of no use to SS7 - I can't imagine at 17.
I am now a disengaged can't stand my skids SM who is a ghost in her own home, I am expected to be the maid, chef and taxi, to pay for items and be around so everyone else can go do things while I babysit. I have my own 2 bios who keep me sane thank the goodness but otherwise I am worthless to the skids. DH is so happy to be married to me, why not?!?! He has it good.
I too wonder if that is the bottom line.
Wish we could ALL go have a
Wish we could ALL go have a beer or two, or a keg...we all have some serious toasting to do.
The truth is that SMs/SFs see
The truth is that SMs/SFs see things without those rose-colored glasses. We can see our spouse's expression change once the skid starts "working." It's CRAZY...
and to think that I bought into the whole "I'm a new wife, a better caretaker than BM (according to the judge..what.EVER), and I should be supportive of my new husband." I absolutely did everything in my power to make sure my house was a home for this spoiled, psycho SD. I tried to tell myself that life would get better and it would improve. She was young, immature, and didn't know what she was saying/doing. She'd grow out of it. She will learn that BM is a nut and she will realize that our house is the house she belongs in.
"Here, Honey...here's another cheek. Have this one, too." I have no more cheeks to turn for this girl to smash.
WTF was I thinking?
I agree with this. You did
I agree with this. You did the right thing. Continue to mirror truth to SD. You never know what can happen. Redemption might. Growing up and hard knocks can change things.
The teen years suck.
The teen years suck. Sometimes even biokids do this to their bioparents. I'm sorry.
You could have been telling
You could have been telling my story, the only difference is that we only have the SDs EOW, thank goodness. There were many similarities for me with 3familiesin1 also. Particularly, DH wanted his daughters to be like my older ones, ie well behaved, hard working, high achievers, polite. Only he didn't want to take any advice from me on how to raise them, just keep my pie hole shut and watch him Disney dadding it up, EOW. And gosh, his daughters are not behaving like mine - I wonder why? Instead we have tantrums, bad language and entitled behaviour.
This has now been going on for 10 years but it feels longer. The SDs are now 17.5 years and 15.8 and I am so looking forward to when they do not "grace" my home any longer.
Icecubenow - try not to let what you see as wasted effort, embitter you. Your efforts were worthwhile, though it may not seem like it now. What matters is that you tried your hardest. I'm afraid I gave up too soon, and disengaged after only a year, in the face of BM psycho behaviour and SKIDs hostility. But I just don't see what else I could have done. :?