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Possible medical neglect

I don't trust her's picture

I know this might be lacking details but I don’t want to say too much.

Last weekend one of the children expressed a minor issue that would need a doctor. It was not emergency room worthy and when the kids’ mom was informed she stated she knew and would be taking care of it Monday. This was a reasonable response and how we expect anyone to act in this case.

This past weekend the child once more complained of the issue which has gotten slightly worse. Their mom’s own report is that she didn’t do anything to try and get it taken care of.

We also saw some regression in her co-parenting communication due to this and we are worried she will go back to her high conflict ways.

We are supposed to have the kids this weekend by her request but are worried she will withhold it now which she can do.

Either way the next time we have them my boyfriend does intend to check that something has been done about this medical issue.

If nothing has happened he will do it himself but it means him losing a full day of work without pay and inviting more conflict because she has in the past been very controlling about his access to the doctors to the point we have worried about medical neglect before but had not proof.

Two weekends ago it seemed like an amazing example of how far things have come but then this weekend we saw the same stuff we used to. Her blaming my boyfriend for the issue while deflecting any responsibility. She has custodial custody so the children are in her care throughout the school week and the order only gives my boyfriend every other weekend. The children are insured through the state so there is no out of pocket cost. She didn’t even call to try and get the child an appointment.

Right now I don't think there's enough for us to call child protective services. The issue isn’t life threating but is making the child uncomfortable and it will get worse without care. I have already called once in the past for a different issue and it was completely ignored becuase it wasn't serious enough. I don't want to make alot of useless calls and then have them ignore when there is a serious issue.

Comments

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Can DH take the child to an Urgent Care on the weekend? They are not as expensive as an ER and sometime don't cost much more than an office visit. If the child is uncomfortable or in pain, it seems like DH should work around BM and get the child some medical care.

I don't trust her's picture

I wanted to avoid saying this but I guess I can't. It's dental related. I don't see them doing anything. Their mom has changed dentist so many times that we have no clue who the child sees at this point. He knows if he makes an appointment since she is the contact on the insurance they will call her about it and there is a good chance she will cancel the appointment like she's done in the past and rush the child into an appointment with his dentist but it will also cause another explosion that he wants to avoid. She's used this during their divorce to raise all sorts of hell. He'll do it if the child comes over again complaining but he is going to try and give her another week.

ESMOD's picture

If she gets mad and cancels the appointment and takes the kid on her own.. either way, the kid got to see a dentist.  I personally have suffered with toothaches and abscessed teeth in the past.  It's incredibly uncomfortable.  The child needs to see a dentist asap.  There are some dentists that offer weekend hours.. or even call the kid's regular dentist to see about an emergency referral.  Letting things go on can cause lasting damage.  I once had an abcess in the root of a tooth that had been broken off and a post was inserted to hold a false tooth. (horse accident).  Well, the post apparently breached the root and it abscessed.  It didn't cause pain because there was no root left in that tooth. But, it went on for a while apparently and was only picked up when my dentist noticed a white spot on my gum which was where the infection was seeping out.  Now I have a small bridged tooth instead and the gum above that tooth is pretty receded because the bone was eaten away by the infection I didn't realize I had.  It's in the front of my mouth.. so I am a little self conscious.

ndc's picture

I hope it doesn't get to the point where the child has an abcess or infection.  Mouth infections are harder to fight than many, and tooth pain is some of the worst.  Does your BF not have legal custody?  If he has legal custody they may not contact her, as he'll have the right to make decisions and it's state insurance so they won't be looking for a guarantor.

--figureditout--'s picture

I may catch hell over what I am about to say, but honestly I do not care.

The child is in pain. She has been in pain for weeks and no one is willing to help her.

Damn the mommy explosion. Put the child first instead of worrying about how it will look on court documents.

Heesh.

beebeel's picture

The legal definition of medical neglect involves lasting or permanent damage. Most of the time, parents aren't even charged unless the child is dead or very close to dead. 

The best you could do is to document this and any other instance of her ignoring medical issues. Maybe, if you document about a dozen of these, a lawyer could argue for a change in custody. 

 

I don't trust her's picture

The problem isn’t so much the fact that she will return to being high conflict. It’s that the children’s mother intentionally prevents my boyfriend from being able to take the kids to see doctors unless it’s under her control.

The first week past without him doing anything because she said she would take care of it and he honestly thought she would. Then this weekend her messages to him make it clear she didn’t, berated him for even bringing it up, and said she’ll do it this week.

With her behavior we fully believe she will withhold the children this weekend so he won’t know what’s going on until next weekend.

She won’t tell him who the children’s normal dentist is at this point and when he called the old one yesterday they stated the children weren’t patients of theirs’ anymore and they hadn’t seen them in over a year. Apparently she never paid for all the work she had done right before their divorce. It was decided in court that she was responsible for all that cost because she ignored the children’s’ insurance, withheld the information from him, and tried to get him to pay half over 6 months after the care had been provided. She was responsible for close to $1000.

The last time he tried to make an appointment on his own she found out and canceled it then raised hell about it. If he tries again he may succeed in the first visit but that won’t fix the child’s tooth and she will prevent the second appointment. She will most likely then rush to the dentist on her own but at the same time with how she acts she may have actually attempted to set up the appointment Monday like she said she would. He doesn’t know and won’t until he sees the children again. Asking her is useless she’ll ignore him or lie if she hasn’t done it.

He is keeping records of this stuff. He keeps all their test messages and any other supporting information. She behaves just well enough that he doesn’t have enough to request a change of custody. He’s also afraid because he is behind in child support. He’s paying about 50 extra each pay check to make up for it but it’s still going to take a while to get caught up completely. He doesn’t think the court will consider any evidence until he’s caught up.