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Don’t know what to do

happy's picture

 It’s been awhile since I have been in here. My husband and I offered his daughter and husband and 3 grandkids a place to stay with us since 8/3! They lost the home they were renting and even though in the past there have been issues I thought we can do this! Okay last night my daughter who is 22 and was living with boyfriend came home crying and needs to come back! So her husband and her are having marital problems and due to the fact he cannot live her without his son having a room - I made the mistake of saying his son would give up room! He is here every other weekend and thursdays! So he said he is moving out, . In the mean time stepdaughter and daughter got into a physical fight, my daughter went to tell her okay we got it figured out I am just gonna sleep on the couch! Well stepdaughter started screaming at her told her to go up stairs with some bleeps in there! So my daughter came upstairs stepdaughter followed I was on the phone with my daughter she slapped phone out of my daughters hand started pushing and punching her, my daughter took her down held her arms and said are you done hitting me! Mean while I am at work I leave come home I went down and asked what the heck was going on, she started screaming at me she hates me I have never done anything for her I am not her family! Screaming and telling my daughter this isn’t her house she has lived here longer mind you we have been here 15 years! I said stop we can talk like adults she was shoving me I grabbed her and said let’s talk about this, nope she went out called someone said I was grabbing her by her neck and all this crap! Called cops had 4 cops here they did nothing and left! She told me and my daughter we need to grow up! I have been through this with her before! Last week she was mad at her husband and physically attacked him, she said he was lying she did nothing- mind you she never does anything wrong. Look I know neither of them were right but my daughter defended herself and has bruises on her to prove this. My husband is sad, I am at a loss - I feel anger and sadness! I have done so much for this girl since she was 12 and opened my heart time and time again! I honestly don’t want her here - and just need some prayers because I don’t wanna live with her! I love my grandkids and son in law and I do love her but can’t do this! It’s mentally exhausting! 


Exjuliemccoy's picture

That's it, ALL ADULT CHILDREN need to move out of your home immediately!

Regardless of who started it, who did what etc, a line has been crossed and you've had police involvement (how embarassing!). Clean house and put out the trash. It's unfortunate that your daughter has to go too, but maybe you can help her find somewhere else to stay. As for your SD, she's burned her bridge and has no one to blame but herself.

Survivingstephell's picture

Get thru the weekend and then kick them all out.  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.  They are adults and can find their own ways.  When they brought violence into the home, they crossed a boundary.  At least in my life.  They sound like a bunch of teenagers.   If anyone gets violent again,call the cops each and everytime until someone gets arrested and hauled away.   

I feel sorry for the grandkids but they will probably have to see worse before it gets better.  


SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

the violent, crazy adult can go. Tell your DH to pack his kid up and move her along to her own place or you will pack yours up and move along with her. Is your SD 3? Is she preverbal? No wonder her and her spoiled ass husband lost their last place to live. 

Kes's picture

You need to get all these adults out of your home.  I would only take in my adult bio daughters in an extreme emergency and then on the understanding it was for a finite amount of time.  

Physical fights are not OK in any home, and tbh if I were the police officer I would have told everyone to grow up, too.  

still learning's picture

Just like female cats fighting for territory.  They all need to go.  Unfortunately you're in a tough spot with it being holiday season and no one will want to evict their kids and grands right before Christmas.  If I were you instead of buying gifts I'd give sd the gift of an apartment deposit to move in January 1st and dd a few months rent with a roommate.  It's beyond time that they all leave the nest.  

Harry's picture

People who are staying for free and giving you problems ??  Don’t care if it’s Christmas or not anyone who starts a fight in my home where police are called are out A.S.A.P.   If SO gives you any problem or doesn’t have your back. He can go also 

lets face it, it’s not going to be a merry holidays season anyway,,  so at least you have peace 

Maxwell09's picture

Being fair would be to kick them all out. They’re all causing chaos in your life at this point and need to find their own way as adults. He will resent you if you only kick out his kid and it will cause fighting between the two of you. You need to choose your marriage and safety over your kid just as he should when it comes to your marriage and his kid. 

STaround's picture

Hard to say what is fair, but if HIS kid has been there for 3 month, I can see why OP migh be pissed that her kid has to leave right away.  I am having trouble figuring out who started the fight.  I also would like to know are they providing room for her stepdaugther's step son?   I can't tell, is this OP and her DH's house, or DH's house?  Too much going on for me to figure out.