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OT...BUT DANG DH...shut up already - a vent

halo1998's picture

DH (usually Dear) is good at setting boundries, good at not taking crap from either skids or my kids.  He is funny, smart, and extrovert and usually means well. 

BUT DANG SHUT UP ALREADY...I'm an introvert.  Due to the current COVID situation I have been with DH for a solid 6 weeks.  It hasn't been too bad but he is an extrovert with ADHD.  Oh lord...the man never shuts up.  He talks through movies, yells at me from the other room (very annoying as I have lost 40% of my hearing.), comments on everything.   The man will prattle on for hours about nothing.  

Right now we have three dogs, one old boxer girl and two  1 year old boxer boys.  The dogs are glued to me ALL day long.  In, out, in, out, throw the ball, get the ball...bark bark bark.  Due the pancreatitis, the dogs get fed 4 small meals a day.  So we add 3 doggie feedings a day to my schedule.  Where is DH? He is holed up in the office upstairs.  Now he is working and he is on calls, I get it. But dang...I feel like I have freaking toddlers again.  Things being glued to an introvert no matter how cute..= HELL ON EARTH.

We also have 4 guinea pigs...of course duing freaking pandemic 2020, one guinea pig has ulcered his eye.  So in addition to the dogs, I have to put three different meds in a guinea pigs eye every 8 hours. That means I have to get up in the middle of the night to put this in the pigs eye. Do you know how hard it is to put crap in a guinea pigs eye?  Its a battle and half.  

Our old boxer girl has chronic pancreatitis.  So last night apparently she was ralphing and rather than get up, clean up the puke from the floor, DH decides to yell and wake me.  SERIOUSLY DUDE, I JUST GOT BACK TO SLEEP.  My sleep schedule looks like, go to bed..sleep about 1.5 hours, get up take care of piggie, go back to bed.  Sleep another two hours, wakeup to take my medicine (I have no thyroid have to thyroid meds early in the morning)..go back to sleep for 2 hours, wake up to DH feeding the dogs, go back to sleep for another hour.    So when he decided to have a hissy fit and wake me up..means I have gotten maybe 3 HOURS of sleep.  I'M F*CKING TIRED.  

I start work at 7 a.m....and he gets up around 8...the first thing he does...STARTS TALKING. UGH.....dude..leave me be for awhile

So..I'm now tired, frustrated and sick of taking care of the dogs/piggies.  I do not want to hear about Trump, covid, your words with friends or whatever else you want to prattle on about. 

I blow up..because well NO SLEEP...and DH proceeds to try and give me solutions.  ONCE AGAIN SHUT UP.  I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE, I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOU TO FIX ANYTHING......JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN ...tell me it sucks and I will move on.




Iamwoman's picture

Lmao!! I had to have "the talk" with my DH a couple of weeks into quarantine.

He was pretty receptive and agreed to give me more space. I just told him that I NEED wya more alone time than most people, and that without it, I start to quite literally go insane and eventually lash out in frustration.

My DH  though, while he enjoys more friends and social contact than I do, is not an extrovert. 
I've had extroverted boyfriends in the past, and they all drove me insane. There is a certain level of selfishness that goes along with constantly demanding everyone's attention in life - regardless of the other person's feelings.

Winterglow's picture

Have you tried the burrito technique for the guinea pig? You roll him in a towel so he can't wriggle or hurt you before you attempt to administer any meds.

Winterglow's picture


Simpleton21's picture

Thanks for your blog!  LOL!  It makes me feel better for feeling the same way about DH!  OMG, the constant together time is to much for me.  I need space and like alone time.  He doesn't seem to get that and I have tried to tell him nicely many times so I always end up snapping.  Thankfully my work office is empty so I have snuck into work several times and enjoyed my nice quiet office ;)  He just started a new job yesterday (thank GOD) and so now I'm getting my space at home too!

hereiam's picture


My DH is not quite that bad but there are times he prattles on about work and I think in my head, "Please stop talking, please stop talking."

He was pretty quiet when I first met him and sometimes I ask him, "Can we go back to that?" Apparently, we cannot.

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, I think that a lot also.  When my DH tells a story I want to rip all my hair out sometimes because he will go on and on and go into so many small details and then lose his train of thought and then finally get back to it after telling another side story that semi related to the first.   AGGGGHHHH!  Just shut up!!!!!  That story could have been summed up a lot and I still would have had all the information I needed to get the just of it!!!!!

GrabitAndGo's picture

My late SO could be very long-winded at times and it drove me insane.  I would actually tell him, "Let's circle back around to the point, Mr. SO, because my ears are starting to bleed."

tog redux's picture

DH and I just expressed gratitude this morning that both of us are introverts and so have no issues been stuck together in a pandemic.  We just do our own thing, separately. 

Merry's picture

My DH is an ADHD talker too and I am decidedly not. It starts in the morning when I'm in the shower. Tries to talk to me when I'm brushing my teeth and drying my hair. Seriously, DH, can you not see I have a blowdryer in my ear and I can't hear you? I've learned to just tell him I can't handle his chatter at the moment. Usually he's good about it, but sometimes he sulks. As long as he sulks quietly in another room, I don't care.

I'm working at home these days, and he's good about leaving me alone for the most part. But the minute I start a video call, he's got to come into the room to ask me if I remember the name of the movie we saw together in 2004.

Have you asked him for specific help and the things you need from him? I hate that I have to be a mom to a grown ass man sometimes (take out the trash, please load the dishwasher, clean up the mess from your project), but he'll gladly do whatever I ask and that's better than waiting for him to notice and me being mad. And sometimes he does notice on his own. I've had more than a few meltdowns over being the only grownup in the house.

Iamwoman's picture

Oh Merry! Your comment brought up some empathy emotion from me!

I have had several meltdowns over the years about household chores. I HATE being the only one to notice when something needs to be done. I did get to the point with DH where I once cried "I don't want to be the household chores supervisor! I work 40+ hours a week too and make more than anyone else in this house, so how is this second job of 'Head Maid' even remotely fair to ME?!" 
He got it, and now he does do chores when he notices a need, such as the dishwasher light being green (clean and done) prompting him to now empty it. He also put a reminder in his phone to vacuum the rugs every two weeks (I do most other chores but can't vacuum due to a 2017 back surgery).

During that "discussion" though, I definitely let it all loose with several vulgar phrases illustrating my insult and horror at his suggestion of me "reminding" everyone of chores simply because I have XX chromosomes... (except I used vulgarity instead of chromosomes).

Merry's picture

Let 'er rip, friend! My meltdowns are few and far between and they are not ladylike in the least. I make no apologies.

Cover1W's picture

I gave up. DH says he "likes it when the house is clean too." But then I say, "...But you don't like the WORK that it takes to get it like that!  And you don't want to do it."  He never contradicts me.  So I hired a house cleaner every other month.  She's here now, for the first time since December.  I was losing it with the cleaning again.  We are physically distanced, she's upstairs, we are down and she'll disinfect everything at the end.

We also have this convo about yard work.  I don't mind doing the front yard myself.  It's not that big and I've got it to the easy maintenance mode.  Back and side-yards another story.  So cue 'I like a nice yard' vs. 'not doing the work for a nice yard' convo.  End result, yard help hired to do clean up in monthly allottments so we can afford it.

Merry's picture

DH is real good about writing the checks to the housecleaner and the yard guy. I was on the verge of losing it too, the weeks the housecleaner couldn't come. He actually IS good about maintaining flower beds and shrubs. It's just the grass that we have done. I'm super fortunate that there is room in the monthly budget for these sanity savers.

hereiam's picture

I absolutely hate when DH tries to talk to me when I am getting ready. Thank God, he leaves before I get up during the week.

halo1998's picture

Yea..I ask.  ADHD enters the room and it might or might not get done. Or it gets half done.....I mean how can you not notice the recycle trash bin is OVER FLOWING and the dogs are now becoming trash pandas....but yep DH can walk right by that sh*t without missing a beat.

Lizzylemon's picture

Omg I go through the same thing with geriatric cats and dogs in my house!! I get woken up by my fur babies serveral all times a night and dh wonders why I'm a b*tch! Must be nice for dh to be able to sleep all night! Occasionally I pretend like I am asleep so dh has to deal with them haha

strugglingSM's picture

My DH is not really an extrovert, but he has ADHD. He's not working right now and he's totally bored. I'm working at home and have lots of online meetings. He'll periodically come into the area where I'm working and try to make me laugh or try to get attention while I'm working. 

Also, he does have a tendency to talk over things, which is ironic, because when he is engrossed in a movie, if I even make a sound near him, he gives me a dirty look and tells me to be quiet. 

ITB2012's picture

DH needs to do things together. He's not a big talker but unless he's working on a project he seems to need someone to entertain him. Though I'm the more social/verbal one so I'm sure he's wishing I'd be quiet and I'm sure he's grateful that I have two exercise classes I teach and one exercise class I participate in every week so I can talk to friends and family instead of him.


Exjuliemccoy's picture

I've been on a mental vacation from my DH for the past three days. When he's downstairs, I'm upstairs. When I'm outside and he comes out, I leave. I have projects in progress in the office (up), dining room (down), and barn, and just make sure I'm not where he is. I still cook, but I tell him what time dinner is served and if he isnt there, I eat without him.

He'll eventually get lonely and come sniffing around with his tail between his legs. Meanwhile, I keep my sanity.

Figure out what his currency is, and use that to modify his behavior.

thinkthrice's picture

Chef is the same way, extro, ADHD, but with a bit of narc and hermit rolled in.

In the beginning of all this fiasco, Chef actually was getting friggin' annoying but then he realized when his business started taking a downturn that I was pretty much the only income source coming in and he somehow has done a 180.