Not a good day today. I enjoy this blogging as a vent if nothing else. I also keep a notebook of things for myself.

I am wondering if my relationship will continue very much longer. I confronted BF today about SD10. As usual when I do this, he gets defensive. He thinks I am wanting him to choose between me and his daughter. I would never want to do that. As you all have seen though,who have read my other blogs, his relationship with his daughter is not healthy, even the counselor says so.

I told him today that I have asked the counselor for coping mechanisms to deal with how I feel. She keeps telling me that my feelings are valid (sounds nice) but that maybe she should deal with this relationship with his daughter. She says that the adult relationship should be the core relationship and he has made his daughter the core. That it puts a 10 year old in a position of an adult and will cause her problems in her adult life. He cannot see this, he sees it as loving his daughter, which I understand! I told him.... "I think you are doing the best you can, but that maybe, if given the proper tools, it could be even better!" I hit a brick wall. "You think that no matter what I do my kids are going to end up F*(&()ed up!"

I do understand that he gets upset when I mention it. He loves his kids. I love that he loves his kids! I mention his daughter and he goes Ape SH!T.

I have been dealing with the "chores" and him saying, "oh, it is too late to do the dishes" on the nights that it is HER night, then the 2 of them go into the great room and watch TV together, with her laying on top of him. Well, when it was the summer and they could get up and do them it was fine (she takes 2 hours to do them, even with help) Now that they are in school it is different! I caught her checking off chores that had not been done. I informed her, nicely, that we don't check it off until after it is done. This is where it all started. I have been trying, nicely, to talk to BF about it but he thinks that I am telling him how to raise his kids. He told me today, "it is not your place to meddle with how I raise my kids!"

I am very hurt and very sad for him. I cannot explain to him that I want the best for us. I want us all 3 happy. I mentioned to him today that I want him to talk to counselor about it because I cannot explain it effectively since I am to close to the situation!

BF broke up with me late summer last year because I confronted him about his sleeping with his daughter. He said he refused to choose between us. I kept trying to tell him that was not the issue! He wants to believe I am jealous of his daughter. I have gotten past it and he won't see it. The behavior they exhibit makes me very uncomfortable yes, but not jealous. I am very happy with our relationship, he says he is too, but that this thing with his kids keeps coming up.

Am I really suppose to ignore it? Let him raise his kids his way? I was harsh today when I asked this. I asked, "if I was abusing my kids would you stand by and just let it happen" ok, and sure, the answer I got was, " you think I am abusing my kids??!!" Yes, it was harsh. He got upset. I am so sick and tired of seeing this though! He thinks that he can just do as he pleases and no one will call him on it. Well, I am calling him on it.

He and I have such a good relationship when there are no kids involved. He even says, "We don't fight, we talk about things... we work together so well.... I care about you.... we just have this recurring issue that you won't let go!"

It just now occurred to me, he is willing to sever our relationship for his kids.... I actually think that if it came to that... bad for everyone, that it would be the best choice. However, I was thinking that he thought less of our relationship than he showed today. He was very adamant that he wanted to know that we were okay. Strangely enough, that is usually MY line! It made me realize that he does want me around, he wants a good relationship with me. He is learning to trust me (serious woman trust issues after mother and ex-wife).

Please, no posts about that I should leave him because he has these hang ups. I am aware that if I get miserable enough, I should leave. This relationship is good at the base.

Thanks for listening!