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I need advise....

foxymama87's picture

Submitted by foxymama87 on Fri, 06/10/2011 - 3:54pm

How do you tell you skid to treat her/his father with respect without stepping over your boundaries as a step parent?

I have this issue at home. And I don't
want to step on my fiancee's toes. I usually let him handle it but his approach never seems to work. He's grown tired of SD9's behavior and so have I.

She's especially bad after coming home from her mothers! I keep telling him that he needs to sit her down and explain to her that when she comes home she has to acta certain way. We have different rules in our home. BM might let her do things that we do not allow in our home like stay past 10PM on a school day for example. I think the poor kid is confused because he doesn't take the time to talk to her and explain these things, Like shes supposed to figure them out on her own!? like WTF???

Comments

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Fri, 06/10/2011 - 4:11pm

Do not even bring her mother into the talk if you are going to have one - it will put her on the defense and also she will run back and tell her mother and then all hell will brake loose. You and your fiancee need to sit her down tell her the rules and then you BOTH need to enforce them and be consistent - if you let her get away with things after your talk it will only confuse her. Good Luck.

DoingItAgain's picture

Submitted by DoingItAgain on Fri, 06/10/2011 - 4:26pm

Sorry but allowing someone else to disrespect your spouse (even their children), is, in and of itself, disrespecting your spouse. You can use the phrase you might use when you have to discipline your child... "Sorry but I love my husband to much to allow someone to treat him so disrespectfully and therefore request that that does not occur in my presence". Your husband should appreciate this unless his head is too far up his kids rear to see this as healthy. As far as following house rules, well, the house rules need to be agreed on and if hubby won't agree, then it's an issue between you and him... not the kid.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Fri, 06/10/2011 - 5:07pm

Don't do anything. If he wants to allow her to disrespect him, so be it. However, don't let her get away with disrespecting you. He will feel like a real ass when it hits him (and others) that his child treats you with respect and not him.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Fri, 06/10/2011 - 5:15pm

" Please. Do not speak to my fiance like that. It is rude and makes you an ugly person."

Also kids almost always need some settling in time when they return from the other parents place. No whether it is a couple of hours or overnight, it depends on the kid.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Fri, 06/10/2011 - 5:16pm

I told my SD to knock it off and she did. She became more sneaky and passive-aggressive, but she stopped ABUSING her dad in that way.

She claimed to not understand the concept of respecting your elders so I introduced it to her. No one else had! and she has improved.

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Fri, 06/10/2011 - 9:08pm

My SD14 is rude to her dad....and he usually ignores it. I cant. I usually just make passive comments like..."SD14 your lucky your dad loves you, otherwise I dont think you would have any teeth left after talking to him like that". Usually she just shuts up after I say something...I dont think she knows what to say. LOL