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Hello all, I'm new here and I am drowning.

Forever blessed's picture

I haven't ever written online about the tribulations that I am going thru with my stepson, not for lack of needing to, but for thinking that "hey, I got this"...yeah, I don't. Let me do a quick background so as not to bore any of you. We are the Brady Bunch. I have a 14 year old son, he has a 14 year old son (who is living with us fulltime now) and WE have a 7 year old son. I have been a part of my stepson's life since he was 5. We had a pretty good relationship. Then Mom decided she could not take his behavior any longer, drove a few states south, dropped him off and left after the car was emptied of his things. How cold. Not only that, she calls a month later and announces that she is expecting another little one. GRRRR. Anyhow, she sees him on holidays and every once in awhile she will fly him up north. He has been with us full time a little over a year. The two older boys get along well, that is not the issue. The issue is that I am practically drowning right now. I have done everything for this boy-when he moved here, it was because he was suicidal, stealing...etc. I sought prompt medical attention, had him set up with therapists, dealt with his "cutting", his complete disregard for any type of rule or boundary. I brought him to have check ups that his mom neglected to do, I had him set up with orthodontics. Basically, I love him as though I gave birth to him myself. Now, I find myself often sitting on my back deck wondering how I am going to make it thru. He swears, he lies about everything, he lies about lying...he has been caught "sexting" multiple times (I had to be the bad guy and take the phone away), he mopes around, listening to music, lounging on the couch acting as though I am the maid and he is there to be served. He doesn't care about ANYTHING. Nothing. He won't go outside, he does not have many friends and the ones he does have are "emo"...I am honestly worried about his mental health. His complete apathy scares me. He's disrespectful, speaks to adults as though he is an equal and since I am step mom, I have to take it. This is really tearing me apart. I pray all the time for something to change in his heart. Mom wants him back and I KNOW that it would be a bad decision, I don't want to bury my stepson. She trivializes the fact that he doesn't want to live. She is his friend, not an authority figure. I just don't get it. I could go on and on but honestly, this is exhausting me. Please, please tell me that there is someone else out there that is in the same boat as I. I need some sort of life raft.

Blessings.

Comments

hismineandours's picture

Idk? it's hard to truly know someone else's sitution-this is your point of view only. Does he want to go live with bm? Maybe he's depressed because he wants to be back with her? What does your dh think? Truly, this is not your decision to make but between dh and bm? My ss went to live with bm due to his issues and problems-is her home a better environment than ours? Heck no. It's not even close-however, she's not abusive or neglectful-just doesnt have the same morals and values and is rather selfish and immature.

However it's where ss feels at home. He was acting out, in part, due to missing her. So while we didnt necessarily think it was "good" for him to go live with her it seemed like the best option. almost 4 years later and ss is stil lthere. Some of his bad behaviors are completley gone-others are still there-a few things are worse such as his grades. But he truly doesnt care about that and whether he lived here or there he wouldnt care.

I dont think our home was the best environment. I do have certian morals and values and he just didnt have them-and i couldnt make him develop them or accept my beliefs as his own. There was always pressure for him to change to accept my and our values and he just didnt want to. he didnt care about things such as grades, church, honesty, respect. Just not important to him. I too took care of him-got him good health care, helped with schoolwork, bought him nice things, gave him strucutre, -none of it mattered because he always jsut felt as if he didnt belong here.

ch21's picture

i wonder how much of his behavior is just normal teenage behavior. with teenager in my opinion the way to see where the problems lie are in the folowing order
1- what kind of friends are they keeping(are his friends trouble makers or disrespectful)
2- is there any possible way there is a substance abuse problem(is there any way there is drugs involved
3- if neither are the problem i would seek counceling

i hope not to offend anyone- i just speak what i feel