I met my DH (though we’re not married) in 2009 and one thing led to another and we ended up living together in my place. A couple of months later he introduced me to his little everything and we immediately got on. Everything was plain sailing until one day, my DH and I were on holidays out of town and he gets a call from BM. I could hear her screaming her guts out and telling him how could he have done such thing, (introduce me to their daughter), how it was too soon and a terrifying earful that really crept me out. Apparently, the BM hadn’t heard of my existence until then. I was not only horrified by the yelling but also by my DH lying about me and making his little sunshine do so as well!
We had a thorough conversation and I thought I had made it pretty clear that I didn’t want to be part of anything unless he opened up about me to BM.
Later on, I discovered that although BM knew of course about my existence, she didn’t know that her kid stayed at my place during the weekends. Arghh!! Looking back, I really don’t know what led me to go on with DH, maybe it was fear of being alone, maybe I loved him? I’m not sure…
All in all, I’ve had so many arguments because of BM not taking responsibility for her daughter and then whenever I did she complained. I’ve tried really hard, from making appointments with child therapists, helping her with homework, talking about “the facts of life” which no one ever told her about to even taking her to a “summer club” and having her friends over my place…. Despite all this, I came in always last and I’m not talking about the kid , OF COURSE, I’m talking about lunatic BM.
I’ve really had it with this situation, but still… I’m living with DH. Though it gets harder and harder for me to go on. I’m 36, I’ve got a failed marriage and a second one that it’s about to fail as well. I have no kids (I had a miscarriage two years ago and I’m scared to death to go through that again) I suffer from panic attacks, from time to time so I’m still on meds (I was able to quit one of them)
I’m really at a crossroads in my life right now and a SD is the least I need. It’s hard with a gutless man not to feel neglected whenever he should stick up for you but he doesn’t, because he doesn’t want BM to get mad … I hate the fact that BM doesn’t work and still gets all the benefits (holidays included) Not that DH pays for her holidays, but since he pays the rent and everything concerning little miss sunshine she’s able to save money (I think she “works” the nights, if you know what I mean) and travel happily around the world!!! And I don’t want to get started on that but, to put you in the picture she once said her mother was dying and she had to travel to Brazil (she’s Brazilian, she leads and amazingly carefree in Argentina) And guess what happened? Her mother was live and kicking and the reason she fled was because she had an Italian “boyfriend” and she wanted to visit Italy, how do I know this? Facebook, of course! She made SD lie about her Brazilian grandma and about her mother going to Italy, how about that? And guess where SD stayed? Of course, in my place! We both work long hours every single day and had to take care of the kid for two weeks! YAY FOR ME!! And do you know what DH did about the whole lying situation? NOTHING. And like that, I have so many…. DH even lied to me for BM’s mental well being’s sake.
What makes me still choose DH? I have no idea, to be completely honest. I’m not even sure If I choose him at all. Our relationship has been quite strained lately and I’ve been feeling awfully sad and depressed. I never miss my therapy sessions, by the way, I hope I wake up some day and make a decision.
And here’s another example of my situation as a stepmom, I wrote it today:
“So here's the deal. This weekend is not visitation weekend so I was supposed to just relax. It didn't turn out to be like that given that since Friday SD is at MIL'S ( BM has a life of her own and doesn't seem to care besides it means less food to but/cook and more time to do her hair/nails and god knows what else, but this is usually the case).
DH kept receiving invitations to dinner Friday and Saturday. On Friday he said no because he had to visit a friend of his, alright. On Saturday, MIL calls AGAIN to renew the invitation , DH says "I HAVE TO DO SOME STUFF AROUND THE HOUSE SO I GUESS I'M STAYING" That's when I said: Honey, does your mother know that WE HAVE A LIFE other than effin having dinner with them (which we did last weekend!!!!) Well, we started a fight. The thing that bothers me is that, as I told him, he never says: I'M GOING OUT WITH MY WIFE, OR JUST "WE'RE STAYING HERE, WE HAVE PLANS" He doesn't give me the WIFE-SPOT, at least that's what I feel. Well, had a big time fight with me venting (as much as I could) all over. But my venting was mostly about how he doesn't seem to acknowledge that he's sharing his life with someone who a) doesn't have kids yet and b) If the SD is to come every other weekend so be it but please respect MY WEEKENDS for god's sake!! He claims his POOR SD fully understands that she has to share her fath... NO NO NO NO NO!!! She doesn't have to share her FATHER, I HAD a father and you're my HUSBAND, we don't share anything, mind you. Then he starts whining about how he has to split himself into a thousand pieces so that everyone's happy. I told him that's part and parcel of being a separated parent, my parents divorced when I was 12 so is there anything I don't know about that? BRING IT ON!
He must have felt cornered or at a complete loss because he then said: "HAVE YOU BY ANY CHANCE SAID ANYTHING TO SD ABOUT NOT TEXT MESSAGING OR CALLING ME" I was like WHAT THE FLYING FUCK are you talking about???? (The girl never calls him whenever she's at her place, except when she or her mother need something) Oh well, another big time fight about that and my questioning WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE WITH? And most of all do you take it for granted that BM has NOTHING to do with this? OMG, I went berserk. ( He also mentioned about my disengaging, not the exact term but... well we speak Spanish so not even close ..LOL)
So after all the SATURDAY NIGHT DRAMA, today SD calls her father to ..inform? him that she's nearby (with MIL and FIL) and that she'll be here soon so that DH takes her home. Uhm, okay, what do I do, what ELSE do I have to say? Should I just leave for the time SD is here or ask him if he suffers from some kind of amnesia? And here's my question AGAIN: Where do I come in? Who made that decision about MY HOME? MY SUNDAY?
Please, I could do with some advice.. I think I'm going mad...
Thank you gurls!!”

I guess I rambled on too much, and I’m sorry about that! I know it’s not the kid’s fault, it’s about my DH and how he deals (NOT) with these issues and how he doesn’t give me the spot I deserve. I’ve tried everything except breaking up…..
So sad…

If you read up to here, OMG thank you sooo MUCH!!