This week's dilemma....
....well, not really because I know what I want to do but I just have to be careful about how I pull this off.
This weekend coming up is visitation weekend. We only have sd15 once a month, by her choice. It is also the weekend my family celebrates my and my brother's birthdays with a family dinner. (his is this week and mine is next). Due to a previous commitment, my brother and his family need to change the dinner weekend. The only one that everyone is free is next Sunday (my actual birthday weekend). For the last 4 years we have had sd15 on my birthday weekend. We always end up doing something she wants to do to 'celebrate' and is almost always something I have no interest in. If I keep my mouth shut until she's already here, I will have a skid-free birthday. I will finally have a romantic weekend with my DH since sex when she's here is out of the question.
I figure I can let DH know on Friday of the change of plans and it would be too late to change the weekend for her visit. (This would be one of those rare times that having a crazy BM will work in my favour...she will never agree to an extra visit.)
Am I evil to want ONE birthday weekend without that ungrateful brat here?
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Yes, you're right...I have
Yes, you're right...I have chosen with battles with her and my DH over the years. If I didn't we would be at war every freaking day. Her weekends with us are usually the first weekend of the month. Since we only get her once a month I would usually bite the bullet and go along with what they planned for me. Last year I couldn't hide my contempt when we went to see a movie that she wanted to see on my birthday. I didn't know this till we got to the theatre (foolishly thinking I would be one choosing the movie). I was upset and voiced it very clearly to both of them. We sat in silence for the rest of the night. I think he got it, but she is clueless. I don't ask for much from anyone..but I made it very clear that from now on for my bd, I will either choose what we do or DH and I will celebrate when she's not here.
Sorry if I wasn't clear...If
Sorry if I wasn't clear...If I tell DH that the family dinner has been changed to next weekend, he will try and change the visitation to that weekend, which is my actual bd weekend. If I keep my mouth shut till it's too late to change it, I will have a skid free birthday weekend.
Don't say a word! And then
Don't say a word! And then happy birthday to you! My birthday fell on skid weekend last year, it sucked. It would have again this year, but I planned a trip out of town, for MY birthday, so BM kept them.
Bingo on the daddy guilt. We
Bingo on the daddy guilt. We only have her once a month, which is SD choice, and he desperately wants it to be fun for her so she will keep coming back. Now that she's older I told him she has to learn that there are 3 people in our house and everyone will have a say on what we do. If someone doesn't want to do it and the other 2 do, then the 1 stays home. I'm tired of playing big happy family with this brat.
Selfish?! No! I am horrified
Selfish?! No!
I am horrified your DH (and you) allowed sd to pick YOUR birthday plans each year and that DH didnt even consider changing the
Schedule in order to accommodate a romantic birthday for you. Didnt you ask? I must say I insisted on having a birthday free skid each year, it was the least DH could do for me given the amount of grief I experienced from usual stepparent crap.
You are allowing yourself to feel guilt and even need reassurance over your decision to keep quiet over the change in date to ensure sd is not present. Sd doesnt NEED to be present for every single moment of your birthdays, I have always been of the mind that your birthday is *your* day. Where the birthday gal/boy is spoilt and given time/attention. I think its pretty sad your sd is not being taught about the pleasure of giving to others, and your DH is guilty of not parenting her properly and even being a more thoughtful husband!
You need to start realising its okay to consider yourself, YOUR NEEDS and its healthy to have some expectation from your partner to be considerate. Perhaps you need to start communicating about this more with DH, so he knows.
Happy birthday btw!
Oops!! Do what you gotta do
Oops!! Do what you gotta do girl and don't think twice about it.!!
Don't say a single, stinking
Don't say a single, stinking word....then enjoy the heck out of your birthday in peace!