Faye, It sounds to me like he has made this decision for you. He wishes that you would have an accident? He doesn't love you, you need to leave him and force him to sell the house if he still doesn't want to sell it. Whether he or you wants to start over or not, you both need to. You deserve to be with someone who treats you so much better than this, and to find happiness for yourself. If you didn't miss him before you won't miss him now, and after some time, you will be happy that he is gone. You might not have any fight left in you now, but it doesn't actually take fight to leave, just a little will power. But I think that after you two separate and you get into a regular routine on your own, your daughter will probably come back and you will find you are much happier, and the fight will come back to you when you need it.
Anyway, that is just my humble opinion on what you have said. I'm so sorry that you are going through this and I hope you find a way to your happiness again.

I understand that this is hurting you. However, when you finally break it off for good and sell that house, only then will you be able to start the healing process.

If you cut yourself with a knife, you wash it, put a bandaid on and go on with life. It hurts for a while but heals. But your relationship is like cutting yourself every day in the same spot with a knife. The wound is never going to heal.

Here is something I found on another website regarding a couple who split and the guy was being stubborn about selling their house they co-owned:

You don't need his permission to sell the house. As co-owner you have a right to bring what's called a partition action in court. This is a legal process by which the co-owner of a property files a lawsuit against the other owner to force a sale and divide the profits. Let's see if you can get him to agree to unload the house without having to take this step. Often just the threat of an expensive legal battle is enough to get the other party onboard.

Of course, this is in the US so you might want to have a meeting with a lawyer to see what your rights are. I'm not sure if you are legally married or not. If so, start with filing for a divorce.

You are lonely NOW even though you live together. Leaving this relationship will at least open you up to finding a healthy, happy new one. Bless your heart, I'm so sorry for what you are going through - at least you will have your daughters to help you

((((Faye))))

What StillRixchick said. And I would rather be alone than be with an asshole.

{{{Hugs}}}

You know what you need to do, I hope you find the strength to do so.

Faye, you cannot have new beginnings without endings. The marriage is over. He wishes you would have an accident, that would solve his problems. I would be in seperate houses after that remark, not seperate rooms.

I know it is hard, but at least if you were in your own home you would not have to come home everyday to have the same old pain slap you in the face. For your sanity and your health let it go.

The first step I would think would be to see an attorney about selling the house. I think once you have sorted out the legalities not only is it one less worry for you to mull over, but it is the first step in taking back control of your life. You say you do not have the fight left in you, and I think after all you have been through, losing two daughters because of the "atmosphere" in your home, and having to live with Mr Selfish on a stick 24/7 it's no wonder you have no fight left, you are emotionally exhausted. He and the situation is wearing you down.

See an attorney and let him do the fighting for you.

When you set up your new home you can create your own atmosphere. Your daughters righlty so, do not want to live with an unhappy miserable mother. It is depressing and brings them down too. Once you have your new home and your new life, once you change the atosphere in "YOUR" home to one of calm and peace, I am sure your daughters will love to be with you.

However, right now, just make plans for you. Your marriage is over, so that's done. You know that. You have to sell the house, he can't stop you. He is just trying to convince you he has control. He has been doing that for a while hasn't he. He's just a bully and you are the end result of being bullied. Let him try his crap on with your attorney and see how he fairs.

The new year is coming. Why not give yourself a new life. You may just find living alone gives you peace and solitude and you just love it. Living alone does not make you lonely. Living with a man who treats you like this, who puts you down, and worse, chooses another woman over you every single time, and his daughter is just that, the other woman. That is the loneliest life you could ever live. That eats at your self esteem every single waking moment. This is killing you. If you stay much longer he should be rapt. You see, he won't have to wait for you to have an accident you will drive yourself insane and he will be have you committed.

Please see an attorney get where you stand legally and financially sorted out, and let your attorney do all the work. You will be fine. All it takes is the first step, I promise you, you won't look back. Nothing could be as bad as what you are going through.

Oh, and by the way, you are wondering if he will spend Christmas Day with his daughter but don't want to give him the satisfaction of asking him. I can answer that for you. Yes, he is. But you know that anyway don't you.

I am really very sorry for you. I wish you'd just get out before Christmas and give yourself the gift of life, but I know that's asking too much. But if you can at least see an attorney before the new year that'd be good.

You can do this, don't let him do this to you anymore. Get out of your room and take over your house. Don't make a prisoner of yourself in there. Just start getting on with your life. That would be the biggest kick in the guts to him. He needs to see you are moving on, not sad, lonely and depressed in your room. I sincerely wish you all the very, very best.

PS: You've still got time no matter what country you are in to grab your girls if they are free before Christmas take the shopping or for a coffee or lunch, and give them the most precious gift you can, give them their mum. Tell them your plans to see an attorney, sell the house, and get a brand new life. Make their day for them. If of course you really do intend to leave. I pray you do. Go on Faye, get your girls and your life back. You can do this, I know you can.

Faye, we all understand, and we all know how hard that first step out the door is. Your kinda lucky, he's already given you a nice shove with his smart arse hope you have an accident comment }:) That on it's own is grounds to leave him. Everyone is on the end of the line for you. We understand.

I am glad you are out of the house till Christmas Eve, that is better than having him in your face for the next few days. If it is possible, can you stay out for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, or is that not an option for you.

You gave this your best shot. You both know it's over. I guess, he being the gutless type he is, and I know that because he is just like mine and so many others here. too weak to stand up and be a man, to weak to teach his daugher manners, so I a guessing he is too weak to leave. He did it once, and found it hard, now he doesn't want to make the move again. It would be far easier on him, if you did all the hard work for him. You leave, you look like the bad guy, and he can be the poor victim, he can play on people's sympathies rather than be the villian that left, yet again.

But no matter, this is not about him. This is about what is best for you first, then your daughters. You have lost them over this and it wasn't worth it. They deserve to see you happy. You deserve to be happy, and he deserves to be alone with his miserable daughter.

I know you can do this Faye, YOU know you can do this. It is damn hard, but you can do it, and I am excited for you at the thought of it. It will be okay. As I said before, find yourself an attorney and let him fight it all for you.

Take it easy, try and relax wherever you are right now. I hope you are with family or friends and I hope you can put this aside for a couple of days and enjoy yourself. There is no need mulling it over and over. Let it go till after Christmas now and have yourself as much fun as you can manage.

We are all here for you, so you need not feel alone. Don't forget we are in a lot of different time zones, so someone should always be waiting in their computer for you.

Get back to me and let me know how you are doing. Better yet, let me know your attorney kicked his arse to the kerb and you are in the house partying. All the best Faye. It really will be alright. I can safely promise that.

I know someone who was afraid to leave, stewed and stewed for years over it and was totally miserable. One day without warning this person just up and walked out, went to stay with family, never phoned, or left a note, nothing, didn't take is calls. The very next day she was in with a lawyer. The lawyer sent her husband a letter saying she wasn't coming back and advising she would be applying for a divorce and a settlement. Her lawyer basically advised the husband to get a solicitor, because it's all over.

So, its been done before. Sometimes people get so pushed down this is the only way they can save themselves, and if that is the case then so be it.

I'm guessing given what you have just said, that your DH wants desperately to spend Christmas Day with his daughter. He of course doesn't want to bring that up with you, he wants you to do something to make him mad so he can be justified in walking out and spending the day with his daughter. So he is going to be pushing your buttons super hard.

I know I've said it before, but you do need to see an attorney and get this house situation sorted out, and you do need to leave and be happy. He is not the man for you, he has told you that.

If you don't buy into his game and allow him to start a fight he probably will stay home with you, but he is going to make damn sure you pay for that, he is going to make your day miserable. Do you want that.

Please stop thinking and worrying about his next move, and what he might do, and rocking the boat. Think about you. What is your next move, what do you want to do. He has been bullying you and wearing you down, do you really care if he spends Christmas with his daughter and gives you a break from his moody bad tempered ways. Please, please, please, see an attorney, please.

Oh I know that making everyone miserable attitude so well. I have suffered the humiliation of it many many times. His daughter refuses to come into your home, be civil and have a pleasant visit with her father. She instead chooses to come to your home and make you feel unwelcome in it. When you finally say enough, then daddy takes over her role and starts to make sure your family feel unwelcome. It is a deliberate and nasty attempt to make sure if his daughter can't come there, then your family won't come there either.

Because your family treat him with respect. Because they speak to him and are friendly, he has no reason to ban them. So his only option is to make them feel unwelcome so they won't come back.

This is never going to stop unless you change what you are doing. Unless you stand up for yourself and to him.

He has just handed you the biggest and kindest gift if all. Very soon you are going to see that. I agree he can say what he likes. But the law will say otherwise. So you got to stay in the house for now. That means he cannot destroy or devalue it in any way. I left my first husband in he house. 6 months later when things were settling up and the house valued. He had all bit destroyed it. Sure it was cosmetic. Torn wallpaper, torn curtains. Curtains taken off windows. Filthy appliances unkept garden etc. nothing structural. He of course bought me out as he had a job and I had the 3 kids no job. Then he hung up the curtains and moved on.

Oh by the way, Sueu2 tells it like it is. I feel a bit sorry and try to go in gently. She sees it like it is slaps you about the head and tells you to get on with it. She's right. She's also very right about this giving you the chance to rebuild your relationship with your daughters. Listen to Sueu2, she's calling a spade a spade and even at the lowest of times, it is often the people like her who just put it out there who wake us up the most. See an attorney. Put down the wine glass, and open the phone book. You will be fine.