Advice needed !!
Ok so I'm recently married, I will call my husband DH and I have one SD8. Now, my DH has been wonderful and there's been little things here and there with her being spoiled/rude but my DH sees these things and things have been improving. However, this one specific situation is bugging me and I need advice on how to bring it up with DH without setting off a big fight or anything. The situation is this:
-DH and I have been planning for months to go to his high school reunion in Philly.
-we have SD8 every weekend and the event is on a Saturday so it was brought up with BM about a month in advance (it's not too big a deal, she borrows weekends now and then for things and we always make up for it on a spare weekday)
-I am VERY flexible and accomadating about things, BM is prone to blow ups so he keeps things as short and civil as possible
-now recently we've had more extra weekdays with SD8 than usual because her birthday just passed so there were activities and stuff all week.
-I had dinner with BM, her husband, her new baby, and her parents (my DH still gets along with his ex in laws) and everything went off really nicely, even though I hate these situations of course
-now DH has told SD8 about his hometown and that we can see his house there, blah blah but specific plans were never made
-now, the weekend before OUR trip, hes saying he might want to do a day trip to philly this weekend to show SD8 the house
-this was early in the morning before my coffee when he told me this, so I was really passive but it's bothering me more and more and I NEED to say something
-my SD8 and I get along but she PUSHES boundaries (being homeschooled doesnt help)
-i think BM encouraged SD8 to ask for this trip after hearing about the reunion
So this is how I feel:
-it's undermining to our PLANNED trip (we have SD8 every weekend like I said, so it's not like we have a lot of these opportunities and I'm fine with that, hence why this is special to me)
-this is remnants of Disney dad behavior and SD8 making everything about dominance in the past. (The early post divorce time sucked, I came in after everything was settled)
-im afraid that if I bring this up he will accuse me of having to "choose" which is ridiculous and shouldn't be a situation here. They had a huge trip together earlier this year for Vidcon (I stayed home to take care of our diabetic kitty) and they've done plenty of other things together like that so it's not like shes deprived of trips with dad but hes prone to feeling guilty and BM knows that and manipulates
-DH and I are laid back people, most of his trips with SD8 were post divorce competition stuff and that's over now. I dont drive so he would be doing all the driving and he works a lot during the week so he'll be EXHAUSTED doing another big drive two weeks in a row. I know that even if he won't admit it. The thought of him not having the energy to enjoy himself with me makes me want to cry.
Would you feel the same way I do? How do I bring this up without making him feel guilty ?? Help!