Desperately need advice!
This blogging is new to me and I don't understand all the acronyms but please be patient!
I have been dating and living with a man with 4 girls who is 11 years younger than me. He is 34 with 4 girls...10,8,5,and 4. I am 46 with two grown children and two grandchildren ages 5 and 2. When I first moved in things were good and I thought this might really work. He gets the kids on a regular basis meaning when he isn't working he has the girls. When he is done with work he picks them up and before work he drops them off. We joke that his ex is the babysitter LOL. But now things are getting horrible. My age is apparently a factor for the ex because she has the kids constantly rubbing it in my face that I am an "old grandma" which is ridiculous! I am physically fit partaking in Jazzercise and crosstraining and am doing my first tough mudder in Sept this year. I am physically active with the girls teaching them to ride bike, garden, camping, fishing, ATVing and so on!
The 4 and 5 year olds like to hit me and throw things at me whenever I try to discipline them. Though I am grateful they quit biting I did expect things to get better within the two years. All the girls remind me that the house was their Dad's first and it's not my house. They also say their mother tells them they don't have to listen to me as I am not their mother and not even their stepmother. The girls rule the home and their is no longer any order. BM makes the rules in my own home and I am at my whits end. She dictates bath night, bedtime, and even what laundry we can and cannot wash.
I have had enough but BF refuses to stand up to her and I don't understand it at all. He is a wonderful loving person. The two oldest aren't even biologically his but their BFs are not in the picture. BM is remarried with another kid and I wish she would just leave us be. She thinks she has to rule each and every situation!
I'm afraid I have started ranting...I am just at my wits end. I am on the fence of leaving but am also very afraid of losing a wonderful companion. Any advice is deeply appreciated.
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Comments
Your BF needs to put his foot
Your BF needs to put his foot down. Yes it's terrible that BM tells the kids that they don't have to listen to you, and BF needs to address that, but she shouldn't have any ruling in your house BF needs to establish rules for the girls in the house.
If you're living there, it is your house too and you deserve to be respected in your own home, if your BF won't stand up for you then you need to stand up for yourself. If there is no significant change, be prepared to leave because you don't deserve to be harassed and bullied in your own home.
Your BF is allowing his
Your BF is allowing his children to treat you badly. How is he wonderful??
Quite frankly, unless your BF is willing to discipline his kids and stand by your side, this relationship is doomed. To this point, it sounds like he's still pussy-whipped by the BM. The BM and the kids are the least of your problems. Continuing to live with a man that allows others to treat you with disrespect will eventually destroy your self-esteem and self-love.
Right now, disengage. Do not do anything for these kids, force your BF to fully care for them. If they treat you badly, turn a deaf ear and walk away. Go shopping, go get a pedicure, go meet friends for drinks. And definitely get an exit plan going.
Please take my advice, move out of this situation. It is bad for your health. If you still feel Mr Wonderful is worth it, then just date him. Don't spend the night with him when his kids are there. Don't spend any time with his kids at all. If it's within your means, move out tout de suite.
He may be a wonderful, loving
He may be a wonderful, loving person to others but he doesn't seem to be that concerned about you and your feelings.
When my SD was a minor and came to our house, my motto was, "When BM pays my bills, she can have a say what goes on in my house." And even then, it would've been be iffy.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "When BM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"When BM pays my bills, she can have a say what goes on in my house."
exactly!!
Oh wow, there is so much
Oh wow, there is so much wrong with this situation. Those children need discipline and BM needs to back the hell off.
She isn't even the full time parent! I would have some strong words to say to a woman like that. The way she teaches her children to treat you is disgusting.
Your SO may be a wonderful man and partner, but he's obviously a complete doormat for the ex. No man should let his ex dictate what goes on in his home. I would wonder what his hang up with her is, honestly.
If a child ever called me old
If a child ever called me old grandma, I would never speak to them again until they had sincerely apologized. They know better! That is so rude.
You are all so awesome I wish
You are all so awesome I wish I could hug you
And here I thought I was being a whiner! Thanks so much for listening and your advice. Now that I know I am not crazy I will put on my big girl panties and shit will hit the fan. If I am not an equal part in this family I am out. Thanks again.
I know that BM, I have to
I know that BM, I have to deal with one as well. Your boyfriend needs to be the one to lay down the rules of HIS house. The girls are being nasty b/c they are probably still upset their parents are no longer together AND their BM likes to run her trap. Use my rule, the more she poo poo's me, the more it enforces what a jealous jackass she is. With his daughters, only answer to what you want to be called. If they are disrespectful, let your boyfriend know. They all need to understand you are not going any where and essentially we are all in this together. May as well try to make the best of it. Don't try to be their best friends either, they don't want that. It's very hard, I know. I felt better once my husband laid down the law. Reminders about respect are frequent.
So had a talk with BF about
So had a talk with BF about BM's "rules" regarding laundry. I said I am not going to keep track of what I have 'permission' to wash so I will send BMs clothes back to her dirty. He said he does not support me on this because he doesn't want to hear her bitch!!! WTF Really!!!