Holidays step child and younger children
First time posting on here, I have a 17YO SD and two girls of my own that are 3 & 4, we have our SD every other weekend, an agreement that was set up between my husband's his ex and my SD I've been with my husband 6 years and always included SD on holidays or weekends away but as a family of 5 it's hard to book hotels without booking rooms etc, SD never does anything with friends or her mum's side of family, she doesn't want to get a job and has no realbdrive or ambition, my question is do you always include stepchild on holidays and weekends away? Is it unreasonable to think some days out we have aren't designed for 17 year olds so why does she know want to come, also most of the time she comes to us as her home life is rubbish not because she wants to spend time with us, just want to know what everyone else does about holidays if you have a teenage and young children
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We don’t stop living our life
We don’t stop living our life or wait to plan things for when we have the skids. Sometimes they come with us, sometimes they don’t. We have an ours baby now & that’s not going to suddenly change to keep things ‘fair’ for all the kids involved.
Why would a 17 yo want yo do thing with a 4 yo
She really wants to go to legoland ? Santa workshop . See raindeer ? That no place for a 17 yo. If BM and BF did not do things for her when she was little. Thats on them, you can not or want to make that up. Go away by yourself and enjoy your kids
There such a age different, This is the time for you to enjoy your little kids, they will only be this age once. To them seeing seeing Christmas thing Santa playground. Will be a big thing. You do it to watch them enjoy themselves., Don’t miss out on that. Don’t miss out on this time with them. SD had her time.
Sometimes we take SD,
Sometimes we take SD, sometimes we don’t. Lately it’s been mostly not. It might sound awful but we (yes DH too) were hoping SD wouldn’t come with us on some trips. Her mood swings are so unpredictable that she can be fine one minute and the next is ruining everyone’s time but won’t say why she’s angry (sometimes it has nothing to do with what is happening at that time).
Last July we went to Orlando with oldest SD, her hubbs, and son. We gave SD13 the option to go with us but she opted to go to her annual school festival (fair rides and fair food). She also opted to stay back when we went away for Christmas. We just got back from New Orleans too and we hadn’t originally planned on taking SD and she knew it based on her recent behavior. She kept asking if she was going and DH gave her an ultimatum. When DH tried talking to her about it she made up some excuses like having Vacation Bible School (she “helps” with the toddler group each year; with BM apparently) and then telling DH that her “summer was already planned out.” So far it’s just been her staying at BM’s by herself because BM is working and BM’s live-in boyfriend/roommate is in another state at the moment. And staying up on her phone until 4am and then sleeping past noon. Then with every vacay, DH tried to show her pictures and tell her about the trip and she gets mad - she chose not to go!
So what I’m trying to say is, go on holiday! Don’t try to plan around your SD.
Just go on holiday with your
Just go on holiday with your family. Don't let her dictate what your family does. You guys live your life; if timings work out so she can come, fine. If they work out so she can't, also fine. You can't be expected to plan your life around someone who doesn't live with you. She's also getting to the age where really she should be taking some financial responsibility for herself. By her next birthday she will legally be an adult, and you say she has no drive or ambition, nothing? She should at least be studying or working a part time job and learning responsibility. Adult life is going to hit her like a swift kick to the face if she doesn't learn some semblance of self-sufficiency and responsibility soon, and you guys will be landed with an adult expecting handouts because they're too lazy to get off their arse, get a job and look after themselves. I wouldn't be rewarding that with expensive family holidays, to be honest.
What everyone else said. I
What everyone else said. I don’t vacation with ss11 anymore after some horrible behavior on previous holiday. I work hard and don’t need to spend precious vacation time with a brat. We have a lovely European holiday scheduled soon with just our shared kids. Don’t ruin every vacation and mar every memory with your own kids by thinking you have to take skids on each vacation.
Welcome to the site! I never
Welcome to the site! I never went on holiday with my parents from age 13 onwards, I went youth hostelling with my friends as a teen and then proper hols later. I'm amazed a 17 yr old should want to go with you. Doesn't she want to be with others of her own age?
I have never gone on a holiday with my SDs, ever. It wouldn't be a holiday to me, it would have been DH being Disney Dad the entire week. The most I have done is once I went to DH's relatives for a weekend with the SDs - that was a disaster, so never repeated. DH took the SDs away a few times, I didn't go.