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Can you sometimes see how your future will be

Disengageme's picture

I think way too much lol but from my recent blog posts I can see even more now that my ss11 needs to not stay where he's at much longer. His elderly grandparents raise him and his grandmother is a good Christian lady but she and her husband are really not able to take care of him much longer. I had comments about contacting social services which I have to no avail. Nothing is ever done. The thing is I believe it would be better to divorce and let my dh pursue custody. His rights were terminated years ago because he was caught growing marijuana so I don't know if he even could. I know we could never get along if he lives with us because my dh has no rules, discipline or boundaries for him. It's because he feels guilty that he's been away from him part of his life. When he's here he's repeatedly laying on the couch or in the babies room using all of our data up. He's been told not to download games but by the next visit he's doing it again. He refuses to eat anything I fix and dh buys him chips and pizza every time. Believe me. I have tried to discuss these things until I'm blue in the face and dh usually ends up pissed saying I hate his son. I do care for him but I will admit I harbor resentment. He wouldn't allow my kids to come over one time and I said well when yours comes we'll take him back home. Dh replied that won't happen. He breaks or tears up something every time he's here. Never any punishment. Phone never gets taken away. He doesn't like our three month old baby and it's plain to see. I do understand kids are like that but things have happened that make me feel my baby isn't safe around him. He constantly cries when he comes here. He has showed up unannounced and been left at our door at all hours. When we ask why it's because he said he wanted to. He has no structure at home either. He does what he wants to do when he wants to do it. I've tried to get these things lined out but dh never follows through. He's always dirty and smells terrible. I have tried desperately to disengage since I seen it's a lost cause to change anything. Dh fights me on this because I try to go visit my mom with the baby when ss is here. I will not risk my babies health being around him. Ss is around multiple dogs and cats and comes here covered in animal hair. I know he's not been taught anything by his mother. Dh makes him shower and gives him deodorant to use. He comes back wearing the same clothes he left in. He just does not care about his hygiene. My dh has tried on the hygiene part. I'll give him credit for that. It's not that I don't care. even though I love him dearly and we have a child together (people have commented well why did you choose to have a baby with him knowing the situation) I wasn't supposed to be able to and my son is a blessing to me. I just don't ever see dh changing his ways and I'm not gonna live the rest of my life being aggravated and upset because ss is taking over. I know I may sound cruel and cold but I've tried so hard to make things work. Being a step mom is complicated. I feel like I just need to let this all out. 


Winterglow's picture

If DH had his rights terminated, why is the kid there at all? Having your rights terminated is definitive, it isn't a temporary suspension. 

Disengageme's picture

Because the bm could care less how much ss is here. For a while he was dropped off five or six days in a row. Almost each time we had plans or doctors appointments and we would take him back home. We've asked like why are you showing up here at midnight one of the last times and ss said because I wanted to. I asked my mom to bring me and she said she couldn't until midnight. I said I know you live close but an 11 year old shouldn't be out on the road all hours of the night. I would never have my bc out late at night unless I had to. Dh is terrified to really say much to him bc he's afraid she won't allow him to come here anymore. I said oh you don't have to worry about that. I don't think she'd keep him home. She doesn't want the responsibility of her own son even though he doesn't even live with her.