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On the upswing of the cycle

DarkStar's picture

The beginning of this week was NOT good for SS.  Defiant, mouthy, annoying, all negative behaviors ramping up.  I have been handling watching SS get to his bus (curbside pickup/dropoff) so that FDH can get to work earlier.  On Monday, he was caught trying to take toys to school (big no-no and he knows this).  THEN he refused to hand them over and tried to push past me and grabbing at my arm, oh HELL no......he got taken down to the kitchen floor.  Lots of screaming and flailing by him.  He lost all privileges this week.  He's been much much better the rest of the week. 

Last night at dinner was actually NOT a nauseating/appetite-killing event!  And he spoke clearly without the mushmouth baby talk, and did his chores without the usual messing around, making a mess, taking 2 hours to do it.

When talking to FDH he says, "It's the cycle."  And it really is.  Good behavior, gets privileges, then starts misbehaving, smart mouth, disobeying, acting up in school......loses privileges.  Behavior improves.  Privileges are earned back.  And so the cycle continues.

I'll enjoy the upswing for what it is....and am starting to get this cycle thing and understand that there WILL be setbacks and just cuz we are in an upswing now does NOT mean we can let up on being on his a$$ so much.

For those that commented on my previous blog, thank you for your understanding and kindness.  SS14 is/will be qualifying for disability and will hopefully qualifiy for whatever halfway house/services are available as an adult.  He's in 8th grade now.  4 more long years to go.


futurobrillante99's picture

That sounds exhausting. Maybe he needs to lose priveleges for a longer period of time so that the cycle stretches out a bit longer over time.

DarkStar's picture

But he has the attention-span and the memory of a gnat, taking away privileges for too long leads to boredom, which leads to him doing other things to alleviate boredom, such as peeling paint off of his walls with his fingernails, or chewing on the wainscotting in his bathroom.  YES, he has done both of these and caused a lot of damage at the house he lived in before FDH and I moved in together.

I struggled with this too......his punishments aren't NEAR long enough for some of the crap he pulls, but traditional stuff just does not work with him, we have a lot of trial and error, hit and miss, clingy to what does work, going on.

Chmmy's picture

The funny thing about the upswing is bio parents often don't see it as manipulation to get back what they want.

I see the manipulation and the patterns of behavior while DH just lives in Disney and talks about their improvement and gives them back everything. Then the same pattern continues