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I am still entertaining ridiculousness 1.5 years after he left.....

dandelion wishes's picture

So it has been about 8 months since I have last posted.  Hard to believe.  And here I am still in pain.  You would have to go back and read my previous blogs, but the short of a long story is that my fiance left me and my daughter (who he helped raise for 8 years) on Christmas Day 2022, unexpectedly.  He left the house we own together and left me with all of the financial upkeep and maintenance. He got a tiny apartment and invited his youngest adult mentally ill daughter to live with him.  (He regrets leaving. He said this, but has not tried to change it.  He feels "stuck," yet it is him who is keeping himself stuck.)  Neither one of us has dated at all.  It has been 1.5 years since he left.  All of his belongings are still here.  Yep, 1.5 years.....

I have been in therapy every week since he left and I have come a long way...enough to see the reality as it stands.  I firmly believe he is bipolar in addition to the youngest adult daughter (now 19) who he still shares a tiny apartment with. She is documented bipolar, borderline, etc. She cannot keep a job. He has spiraled downward yet manages to fool people, including me.  I went so far as to say she could live with us just to give my exfiance and I a chance, but she "doesn't want to" so she is clearly running the show.  She, her older sister, and their crazy bipolar mom have always ran the show.  My ex had no boundaries when I met him.  (red flags were flying....yep, I see it now.)

 He has been stringing me along since he left, or perhaps I should say I have allowed him to string me along.  First time, shame on him.....every time after, shame on me?  I hired an attorney to deal with the house situation and my ex is not settling easy which is gross considering how he left.  The latest?  Yesterday he said he wants to get married, but not live together.  Wth?  He doesn't see that this is lunacy. I could go on and on about the ridiculousness that I have entertained over the last 1.5 years.  Why? I keep remembering the "old him," not this spiraling, bi-polar, mean, maniulative person he has become. So I am in love with the IDEA of him and us.  The person he is now does not even resemble him.   So I am struggling with this. I am also struggling because I am believing it is all my fault as he has so often said.- his narrative is making me out to be the bad person who would not welcome his daughters. 

I am not naive. I am well-educated and have done well for myself so what the heck is going on with me?  How do I get past this pain?  How do I stop believing it is my fault?  I have tried blocking him and being in no contact which did help some, but not realistic with the house situation.  Please do not judge me. I am seeking honest answers that may help me because this is maddening and negatively affecting my daughter and me in so many ways, and on so many levels. 

Thank you.



Rags's picture

How do you not blame yourself? Stop doing that.


Quit thinking with your fee fees and start using your brain.  Feelings and emotion are not analysis or decisioning tools.

I truly am not trying to be overbearing, though I know I can be.  

First, rekey the locks, have his crap packed up and taken to his apartment complex and let him deal with it.  Yes, block him and vector all contact through your attorney.  Do not forget to bill him for the half of the housepayment that he is responsible and you have been paying, bill him for management fees on the home, bill him for half of the repair costs, taxes, etc.....

His choice to wallow in his shallow and polluted shit puddle of a gene pool while embracing his XW's manipulative minions makes him and them a write off.

Life is too  precious to waste it on crap. They are all crap. Your, are not.

Categorize people by their actions and stop being fooled by their words and by your own fantasy of  being in love with the IDEA of him and us.

You know that there is no "us" and there really never has been.

I have a truth that has proven accurate for me.  I call it Rags' 3 Ray Rule. A breakup only hurts the worst for 3 days. Then beginning on day 4 it hurts just a little bit less each day until eventually it is little more than occassional though rare twinge of unpleasant memory.  Part of this truth is that if you re-engage, it all resets and you have to start over from zero.

You re-engage and reset your pain every day and IMHO, make zero progress. Even with the excessive effort you put in with weekly therapy, you have not ended it. You facilitate your own pain by not progressing through the process.  Had you remained on the grief and recovery path with a focus on the future you would be a significant way down that path instead of starting each day at the beginning and making no progress.

Never forget that it is about living your best life.  Also never forget that living well is the best revenge.

Start living your best life instead of diving daily into the cesspool of this dumbass's shallow and polluted cesspool of a life and gene pool.  You do not have to wallow in that crap.

So... don't do that.

He is not stuck. He is exactly where he wants to be as proven by his repeat choice to stay there.  Sadly, you too are exactly where you want to be as proven by your repeat choice to remain in this votex of shit.  It is you who  feels "stuck" because  you are stuck.   Yet it is you who is keeping yourself stuck.  Make a different choice.

No judgement. Just concern that if you do not stop this, you are doomed far worse than that dipshitiot XF is.

Stop circling the drain and take actual definitive action.

Take care of you. No one else in this shit show will.  If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your DD.  Your failure to move on is damaging not just you, it is damaging your daugther.

Stop that.

Give rose

dandelion wishes's picture

You said several poignant things, but the one that stung a bit, albeit the truth, is You know that there is no "us" and there really never has been. Yikes.  Truth though.  

I like your Three day Rule.  This makes sense in terms of why I feel awful after having talked to him, been pulled in by him, etc. I re-engage and reset my pain.  Bingo.  It's like I have to detox from him over and over. 

Thank you for your input.  It is more helpful than you may realize. I appreciate straight shooters who don't sugarcoat things.

(Side note:  I re-keyed the locks with a couple months after he left. I do have an attorney.  Etc. I am doing all the right things, I suppose.)

Rags's picture

Now, no more contact. Do not tell him that you are going no more contact, Just do it.  Commit to zero contact. Commit to yourself, commit to your DD, commit to living your best life, and commit to day one, then two, they three,..... then somewhere down the calendar as you progress through the grief cycle, you will start to see your best life and not the daily reset of  re-engaging with the source of your pain. Which is him, and you reconnecting with him, daily.

Please be good to you.  Even when it is counter to the fantasy.

Kes's picture

Your ex is stuck and he has got you to be stuck, too.   He gives you mixed messages all the time, so that you don't know where you are - eg leaving you and the house in a financial mess but now saying he wants to get married - really?  You can see how ridiculous it is.  I think you identified the trouble, yourself - ie you recall the "old" him who was a much better partner.  But he is never going to be that person again.  Stop believing it is your fault - your therapist should be able to help with that.  Your Ex is an adult, however inept - it is easier to blame you than look to his own accountability -  and he is probably going to be SD's carer all his life.   It is quite reasonable that you did not want to live with his daughters - I have also refused to do this in the past.  If DH wants to live with one of them I will not be part of it.  I have had a difficult life and I have earned some peace. I suggest that your only priority should be YOUR peace and your daughter's.  Get yourself a new therapist if the one you're seeing isn't good enough.  Take charge of your life and stop being pushed around by this man.  

dandelion wishes's picture

I appreciate that you said it is quite reasonable that I didn't want to live with his daughters.  He makes me out to be some sort of monster for not embracing them. So I don't always feel reasonable about this.  I agree that he will likely be his youngest adult daughter's caregiver her whole life. He said as much to me recently.  Ironically, I remember a past argument when we were still together when I said that I do not want a 30-some-year-old living with us because she cannot take care of herself.  Well, I won't have to worry about that.  He will....out of choice, of course. 

Winterglow's picture

I am so glad you can see right through him. Did you consult a lawyer? You said he's being difficult about the house - can you give us a bit more about that?

I would go no contact with him and force all communication through your lawyer. I  would also start stuffing anything and everything into garbage bags, one bag a day and stick them in the garage until there's nothing left. When it's done, let him know he has 10 days to come and get his gear or you'll dispose of it. Make sure he gives you a date and sticks to it. Do not be there when he turns up  - have a friend or two to be there to supervise instead.

Having read over some of your past posts, it sounds as if he has much of the same mental issues as his daughters and alcohol plus mental health issues are an explosive mixture. 

As for him wanting to marry you... given his past behaviour... you'd need to be crazy. He probably thought that if you married him, he'd be able to force his daughters into your home so that he could have his daughters around all while benefitting from the home comforts that he misses. 


dandelion wishes's picture

I didn't think about him wanting to potentially force his adult daughters into my home, but that does make sense.  I thought the renewed motivationt to get married might be to officially own half of everything and avoid the legal realm.  He has a lot of debt. I have none other than the house.  I don't know that the house would be the motivation though because that would certainly be the long way to get somewhere.  I have an attorney.

I agree with you him having the same mental health issues.  It seems clearer every day.  It is like he is spiraling downward and showing more intence bi-polar symptoms.  My therapist explained that this is because his stability (me) is gone so he will become more unhinged. Yikes.

AgedOut's picture

You're stuck in a rut you're keeping yourself in. I think you need to ask yourself why you're willing to settle for being in it. Do you think you're not worthy of better? Do you think you're deserving of his mentally unbalanced punishments? Do you justt not know how to climb out? 


All questions to deal with w/ professional help. Pop the happily ever after balloon you're floating ans ask yourself who you will be in 5 years, in 10. I wonder if it's not fear holding you down. Fear of starting anew and alone might be causing you to allow this situation to become your normal. I was raised in our home with a mentally ill and untreated parent and it affected me. I tend to hold onto the bad because I somehow became a people tender and I didn't want to be that person who gave up on someone I love/loved. It is a nasty rut to stay in. You sacrifice your own happy to coddle and help someone who is poison in your life. He is the only one who can change his situation, save yourself. Save your future. 

dandelion wishes's picture

Yes, this:   I tend to hold onto the bad because I somehow became a people tender and I didn't want to be that person who gave up on someone I love/loved. 

I see the good in him, and cannot believe who he is now.  I also am afraid...not to be alone as I have done that before and I am fine with that, but rather afraid of giving up what was to be my way of life, us retiring together, buying a little cabin, etc.  That is all gone now and I am not sure what my future will look like.  

Rags's picture

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.  Guage them by their actions, not their words, not what they used to be, but what they are. That way you are not fooled by their words and the promise of what they once were.

Survivingstephell's picture

You are dealing with bipolar.  There is very little logic from them when they are spiraling.  Mania can be either ecstatic or mean.  Depression makes them needy or private.  None of it you can change.  They need to take charge of their own health.  They don't want to from the sounds of it so the best thing you can do is walk away.  Take your heart and find a better life.  Julie Fast has written a book for partners dealing with bipolar.  She says you have to put yourself first.  You can not waste your life trying to wait out unmedicated bipolar.   Let go now.  Don't spend another moment on this. You deserve better and the only one who can make that happen is you.  

dandelion wishes's picture

Your decription is dead-on.  I have disbelieved that he, too, was bipolar in spite of my therapist telling me this for the past year. He didn't act like this when we were together (not to this degree anyway), but I do know now (per my therapist) that the stability with me kept him more grounded. Now he is living with his unmedicated bipolar adult daughter and he is spiraling. It is hard to watch.  Thanks for the book reference. I need to read more on this so I can stop thinking I have any power to make this better.

Harry's picture

Bipolar people are unpredictable, that's part of the bipolar.  Guest he felt bad for his DD. him giving her the bipolar she has.  his DD needs someone to take care of her.  If she can't keep a job of any type she must be really bad.  Hope she is on meds.  
'This is not the type of life you want to live.  Not be able to trust your SO.  
Let the lawer handle it.  Anything of his after 1,5 years is yours. It's abandonment.   Either you send it to him after he send you money for that, or sell it, throw it away.  
'Next time look closer to your next relationship.  It's hard to see mental illness,  s9 you really have to be on guard. 
I am sure he would love to live with you.  Not his sick DD.  That's why he is trying to keep the connection.  His bipolar stop him from realizing no one will Waite for him .  Since his DD was not pit in a home. He not going anyplace 

StepUltimate's picture

It took me 3 years from the time my ex blew up the marriage via massive lies & betrayal to when I finally filed for divorce & had him move out. My inner child held out hope it was all just a bad dream and wasn't really happening. My heart loved him. My brain knew the whole time it was a toxic situation that would only get worse over time. My xH told me over & over & over how much he loved me and would do anything for me. My eyes saw how his actions did not match his love-bombing words. My consciousness was numb, fighting depression and shame at being in that situation. And I was afraid of initiating the break-up/divorce. My wallet was damaged from the divorce attorney, forensic accountant, and $ettlement payout to my ex.

But you know what? With the help of family, dear friends, and StepTalk, I did what I needed to do. I got free. And last month, I paid off the la$t if my divorce debt - so now I'm 100% debt-free. 

You can do this. You are worth it. Love yourself enough to take the next right actions to get free of this loser. One minute at a time. 

It's worth it. I promise. You got this!

dandelion wishes's picture

When you wrote "My inner child held out hope it was all just a bad dream and wasn't really happening. My heart loved him. My brain knew the whole time it was a toxic situation that would only get worse over time," this is spot on. Does it get better for real, or does it just get less painful?

StepUltimate's picture

Yes, so so so much better. AND less painful! Like a physical injury that's healed; a scar but no pain and full functionality restored. Biggrin

dandelion wishes's picture

but does it make more sense to you now, in terms of why you went through all of this?  You said it is so, so ,so much better....does that mean overall, or just in relation to how bad the wound was?  (Yes, I overanalyze a bit, but I also need to understand your intended messgage.)

I see a light at the end of the tunnel, but It is not necessarily brighter than the light I had before.  It just looks o.k.  I don't want o.k.  I want that previous bright light.  Thoughts?

StepUltimate's picture

Overall AND in relation to my emotional, mental, spiritual pain from being used, gaslight, and lied to. Not gonna lie, the divorce was difficult but remaining with my xH was guaranteed to be much more difficult & increasingly painful. Like you, the stability I provided (exH moved in fast & was 2 months behind on rent & child support when he did) and his honymoon-phase love bombing made him seem pretty great at 1st. The minute I blocked him from my phone & had my attorney advise now-exH all communication was to go thru my attorney I was SO RELIEVED and far less anxious. 

StepUltimate's picture

To answer your question - it does and does not make sense to me. 

Considering my xH is a covert narcissist and I am an empath, it TOTALLY makes sense. But considering how my xH keeps doing the same sellf-destructive (not to mention relationship & employment destructive - I was his 3rd wife & he's been fired from more jobs than he could count) stuff over & over with himself as his biggest vicim, it does NOT make sense. At all. He's got a lot going for him: smart, good looking, skilled carpenter & home builder, graphic designer, sense of humor, etc., so it seems EXTRA-sad and perplexing that he refuses to learn and modify his ways.

However, as Tracy from writes, it's pointless trying to "untangle the skien" trying to make sense of it. I was stuck in that mode for a time, ruminating on how if I could just help him to UNDERSTAND he'd wise up and correct himself, and we could be happy together. If he could just REALIZE how he was sabotaging himself and my trust in him, he'd stop. But it was futile continuing to hand him proverbial bottles of water, because he'd rather complain about how thirsty he is and how that was everyone's fault but his own - while refusing to drink any lifesaving water.

At some point (after 3 different marriage counselors, one 6-week Financial Peace University workshop, and enduring dozens if not hundreds of his rage-outs), I had to be honest with myself that I did NOT want to live the rest of life with this. I got "sick and tired of being sick and tired," as they say. So I took one action at a time, and got free of it. 

I hope the same for you.

dandelion wishes's picture

Considering my xH is a covert narcissist and I am an empath, it TOTALLY makes sense. 

SAME!  Well, bipolar with narcissistic tendencies (chicken/egg?) Being an empath has kept me in this for far too long.


dandelion wishes's picture

"....ruminating on how if I could just help him to UNDERSTAND he'd wise up and correct himself, and we could be happy together. If he could just REALIZE how he was sabotaging himself and my trust in him, he'd stop. But it was futile continuing to hand him proverbial bottles of water, because he'd rather complain about how thirsty he is and how that was everyone's fault but his own - while refusing to drink any lifesaving water."

Your bottled water analogy is so true in my situation.  He blames everybody and everything, and sometimes it is so obvious he only has himself to blame. I find this difficult to remember at times when I am the target of his blame game.  I take it to heart, like he paints me out to be a wicked person who didn't want to have his lovely daughters around me.  He never ever would admit, much less disclose how deep the mental illness runs, particularly for the younger one. He recently posted this on FB regarding his youngest:  "every 19 year old is conflicted at times."  What in the serious f*ck?  I don't know how one can ignore the numerous psych diagnoses, and the multitude/magnitude of events that have occurred. I would think he would be far beyond the denial stage, but perhaps not.  (Although last fall he had admitted that she might not ever be able to live on her own.  Perhaps this was during a depressive stage of his own cycling.  Who knows.)

Rags's picture

I was there myself. I would not have left my XW when she chose to leave.  Had she not dropped the D card, I would have continued to sacrifice me for an us that never existed.

She saved my life by leaving.  I did not know that she was cheating. If I had, I would have not hesitated to end it.  I found out about the cheating when she notified me that she was pregnant  a couple of months after she moved out. It could not be mine. We had not been intimate in more than 8mos when she left.

As it was, I had been the only one all in. She was never in at all. And... I wasn't "in" on any more than at a token frequency. Unlike untold numbers of men she was not married to while married to me.

When she told me she wanted a divorce, I was not surprised and I had a soul freeing sense of relief. I told her to "Go file".  She started crying with a whiney "You won't fight for meeeeeeee!"

Cray 2

I told her I had been fighting for us for more than 2yrs and I was done fighting.

Oddly, after that talk we actually had some decompression and were much more comfortable with each other and even affectionate. Not intimate, but, caringly affectionate.  About 10 days later I drove my mom to visit my brother and to

get her car away from my XW.  Mom had let her drive mom's 25th anniversary gift from dad after they decided to go back overseas. They did not want their car wrapped up in the divorce. 

When mom and I left XW and I had agreed to an uncontested single attorney divorce on the settlement terms she had offered when she told me she wanted the divorce.  She wanted only to reimbursed for the $3K CD she had cashed to help cover the closing costs on the house we had purchased 3mos before she informed me of wanting the divorce.

WIth my family, my incredible therapist, and my friends, I got back into touch with the real me. The me I liked being.I got through the divorce and over time I progressed through the grief cycle.

I figured out that I owed myself commitment to live well.

As it has been for you, it has been entirely worth it.  My only regret is that I did not have the confidence and courage to end it the Monday after the wedding by filing for an annulment. My nighmare was about 30 months. 


dandelion wishes's picture

Interesting perspective, Harry.  He always said his ex-wife was crazy, and she no doubt has mental illness(es).  The biploar may indeed come from him though.  I think his YDD should be in a group home, but it is not my call.  It is so hard to watch his hope go up every time she gets a new job or says she is going to college, only to have it all come crashing down. He continues to defend her though.  (Yes, her biploar disorder is really bad.  She is also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.  Terrible combo.)  So you are saying that his bipolar keeps him from realizing that I will not wait for him?  He actually believes that I will? (Not trying to sound naive, but it just sounds sooo illogical...which I suppose is exactly right.  Sigh.)

advice.only2's picture

My ex was a classic NARC, something nobody really knew or understood back in the late 90’s all I know is he was like a drug to me, despite how horribly he treated me.  When I left him, it was like getting off drugs, I moved away and I craved him for weeks, months, years.  Because he made me feel a certain way that nobody else has been able to make me feel.  Now being older and wiser I understand that those feelings aren’t real or sustainable, but when I was with him, I couldn’t think past him.  You need to cut this guy off cold turkey and detox, get a lawyer to deal with and communicate with him from here on out.



StepUltimate's picture

My ex is a covert narc. He still drives by my house even though I've been No Contact for 2+ years now. And I am moving out of state in a few months.


dandelion wishes's picture

Interesting to hear you say this as I have thought this. I have read studies about mice pressing a lever and getting intermittent rewards which has proven to be addictive. Variable rewards.  This is what I am thinking this may be. I also cannot think past him when I am communicating with him on any level.  

CLove's picture

It sounds like you may be obsessively ripping and picking at the wound. Its never going to heal. Try harder to go no contact.

And hey- no judgement here - there is no time limit on grieving the relationship that you wished and hoped for. Allow yourself time and space to grieve so you can re-start your healing journey. Talking about it helps. Writing it out here also helps. It always helps me to work it out by writing here and getting feedback or digital ((hugs)).

So -sending you a digital ((hug))

dandelion wishes's picture

I already feel better having written on StepTalk again.  THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY.  It is validating.  There is so much crazy-making that I don't know what is real at times, yet I really do deep down.  Having it validated is incredibly helpful!

Rags's picture

Great analogy.  

Many of us have this problem in relationships, jobs, etc... Ripping and picking the wound instead of moving on and letting it heal.

Brilliant stuff dear CLove.

Give rose

Rags's picture

Even when someone supposedly and even legitimately has the syndrome or disorder of the moment, tolerating their crap is not mandatory. 

Unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance of crap behavior. Even for a special needs kidult

I know it is not exactly the same thing, however, as a T-1 diabetic I have had periods in my adult life where I have been a raging asshole. Mean as hell, and volatile. Never violent or physically aggressive.  Just massive irrational mood swings.

It could have cost me my then young marriage. If I had been my DW, I would not have tolerated me. Even a couple of dozen years later, the very thought of that chokes me up.

Cray 2

During a quarterly Endo appointment the doc and me were engaging on my diabetes, blood glucose stability (it was all over the place), and side effects of poor BG control. My rockstar Endo referenced a then recent study that tied volatile BG swings to massive mood swings.  At that second tears started pouring down my face.  I knew exactly what was going on.  I also knew that with that one small piece of new information that I owned the problem, and I owned both solution steps.  First, stop the asshole behavior. If a mood swing made no sense, do not go down the rageing asshole rat hole.  More affirmatively, diligently manage and control my BG.

Just the thought of how close I came to destroying such an amazing beautiful brilliant woman and a sweet tow headed little boy shakes me to my core.  Because I had failed to stop the stupid asshole rage inducing mood swings.  I could have not done that, even before we figured out what was causing it Eve with the physiological cause, that was entirely on me.  And, it was entirely on me that I lost the plot in managing my disease.

My mom was part of changing my course at that time, she basically kicked me in the ass, told me to knock it off before I ruined the best thing ever in my life, and said if I screwed up this marriage, she would end me. Not an idle threat from a 5'2" Southern bell mama who is a very out follower of the Elena Bobbit school of using kitchen shears to end an asshole man (not literally of course). Thank God.


I share this to highlight the point that why someone does these shit behaviors really does not matter. That they perpetrate these behaviors is what matters.  In my case, I learned why and had full influence out of fixing it. If I had whatever syndrome/disorder that caused it, I could still choose to not behave that way.  Anyone can and everyone should be held to that standard.

IMHO of course.

Support and direct the syndromed/disordered kidult to get help, do not tolerate the shit behavior.

That... is my life lesson and perspective on this general syndrome/disorder topic.

You can experience mood swings when your blood glucose levels are too high or low. Stress, depression, and anxiety can also crop up. Managing diabetes on a daily basis can feel overwhelming, so it's important to check in on your emotional well-being every once in a while.

Can diabetes affect your mood? | Diabetes Australia

dandelion wishes's picture

There is so much here that I want to comment on, but I am getting weary and need to head to bed soon. I may need to revisit this post of yours.  Thank you for being so open about your past and your behavior due to BG flucuations.  This was a great reminder:"I share this to highlight the point that why someone does these shit behaviors really does not matter. That they perpetrate these behaviors is what matters."    I KNOW this. I work in the field of special education for pete's sake, yet all my clinical knowledge goes to hell when it hits so close to home.  Thanks again for the reminder.  And as far as supporting and directing the syndromed/disordered kidult ot get help, this is what I was working to do while she was still young.  My helping is what ultimately drove a wedge between my ex and me.  My holding a magnifying glass to the situation was too much. 

Rags's picture

Get some rest.

Sorry to suck all of the oxygen out of the room.


Lillywy00's picture

I may be the outsider opinion here but why not just live separately while staying together. 

Blending families is HARD AF and if it will preserve y'all's peace to leave in separate homes (at least until most the kids are grown) then why not? Unless your are adamant about living in a traditional type relationship where everyone is in one home. 

You seem like a nice lady but his baggage is not nice.....Do you really want hassle of living with his mentally unstable unemployed daughters indefinitely just for the sake of having a warm body every night??? 

StepUltimate's picture

... from Christmas 2022 when he moved out no notice. They not married but own a house together.

This guy isn't worth it. He's a gaslighting, user, loser. Even without the skid situ.


notsurehowtodeal's picture

You are not going to be able to get over him until you quit interacting with him. I know it is hard when the feelings are still there, but this guy is not the one for you. You need to cease all contact and have everything about the house go through your lawyer. Yes, it will be more expensive, but it will be worth it. As far as the house, move forward on whatever plan you have and get it done. That is the last thing really connecting you, and once it is taken care of, it will be much easier to move forward.

dandelion wishes's picture

TYou are right, the house does seem to be the last thing really connecting us.  I suspect this is exactly why he left all of his stuff there even 1.5 years later - to remain connected.  He will occasionally mention getting stuff, but then doesn't. I think he likes having that link to me.  I can pack up his stuff but I cannot get rid of it per my attorney's advice. I hope this does not carry on much longer.  He is fighting me on the house, and I think is is disgusting considering that he left unexpectedly and shunned the commitment of it.  Yes, I am leveraging for his half of the payments since he left, upkleep, etc, but I still think he does not deserve half.  This has been a nightmare.  What I find unfathomable is that I am the one to have to jump through hoops and put endless hours in finding receipts, printing them, consulting with my attorney, etc to make my case.  My ex has does nothing. Had I not started this process, I would still be in the same boat I had been.  He would NOT have started anything and left things just as they are.  That's kind of keeping a dollhouse available when you're ready to play again.  Maybe I am overthinking it. I am exhausted with this circus.

Winterglow's picture

Supposing you rented a storage unit, paid for ONE month and told your ex that after that, it would be up to him to collect his stuff ... would that be OK? Heck, you just want to get his gear out of your life.

dandelion wishes's picture

The storage unit is a nice idea, but my attorney advised me not to do anything with his stuff.  The longer he keeps things in my home, the more it shows that he is "using it" and liable for half of the mortgage.  I have the majority of his stuff out of sight in the basement, but I still know it is there. Yuck.