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Had a talk with So

Cutter's picture

I let him know that some of the things that happened on our trip was unacceptable in my world. We had a long talk and what it boiled down to was he was worried about his kids so much he was letting them do whatever they wanted so they would be happy. I've seen him parent and that isn't how he parents. I asked him why and he said he wants us to work and he was panicky at how his kids would respond to a lady in their life. He was afraid they would push back and shut down cutting me and ds out. We talked and agreed that we wouldn't worry about what ifs and that we would parent in our normal ways. He pointed out I was a little soft handed on ds when he was annoying and acting out for attention. He might be right on that. Sad We agreed to put this trip behind us and start off right on the next trip. Tonight we will be sitting the kids down and discussing our trip and expectations. Ds will be told to stop doing annoying things by me in front of everyone and his kids will be told in turn not to exclude ds. We are setting bedtime and get up times, meal times and chores so I won't be cooking and cleaning the whole trip. SO decided that each kid will have a day to cook and clean and him and I will have one on one time helping said kid cook and clean. So Friday ds will cook and clean all meals and Saturday his dd will. Tonight they will plan menus and grocery list for what they want to make. I've printed a ton from pintrist. Any advice for this to go smoother than last time? We have a 10 man tent and the 6th of us will sleep in it together so that takes care of sleeping arrangements. SO and the kids picked it out this week when they were out.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

List of things you'll need:
>a better "vacation" idea

Yuck, the thought of "vacationing" in a tent with 6 other people does not appeal to me AT ALL. My guess is at their ages, unless skids have done this before and have enjoyed it A LOT, that they will be miserable AF, and make sure everyone knows it.

Best of luck to you!

Aunt Agatha's picture

I'm with the others on the camping thing. Unless the tent has beds and a shower, I'm not excited to go with adults. I couldn't imagine with kids!

Hopefully, everyone will take the talk to heart and make this work!

AshMar654's picture

Good luck. I love camping. It is one of my favorite things to do. It is peaceful and so relaxing to me. Plus I love the idea of unplugging from the world for a little while. Kids may resist at first if they have never done it much but thye may come around if you do fun things especially smores.

Have Fun!

ksmom14's picture

Camping can be fun, and can be terrible, just depends!

I would definitely advise to have some fun activities/things planned. I don't know that planning on a laid back let's just all spend quiet time with each other kind of camp trip is going to work for your group. Of course S'Mores are a must, and anything that you can cook yourself over a fire is fun for kids.

Good luck! I hope it goes well and your SO sticks to his part of the agreement.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

^^Yes. Definitely have some activities planned. Kids these days aren't as keen to camp and 'rough it' like I did as a kid. The skids have to have electronics or they cannot function. ~snorty~

skatermom's picture

I'm married to a man with 3 DDs and I have 2 daughters. We do travel and when we do, we ALWAYS have our own room. ALWAYS. This is a MUST. By the end of a long day of having fun, but being annoyed by kids, etc. we need our own space with a door that locks!

We have camped and we get our own tent! I wouldn't dream of sharing sleeping space with kids. Please don't travel or camp with him unless he agrees to this.

Boymom's picture

I have two boys and my fiance has one daughter. We get seperate rooms when we travel. I don't think he was really on board with that becuase he thinks it sets a the wrong signal, but when we travel it is the way to go! When we have a house it will be different becasue each child will have their own space. All 5 of us in a hotel room would drive me INSANE! Now that we have traveled and had seperate rooms I think he is in agreement. It just makes for a nicer trip!

IDontCare3117's picture

Camping ... presumably in the woods ... with kids who don't want to be around each other.

Let us know how that works out for ya.

Cutter's picture

I chose for ds to go first since we will get there halfway through the day. He is mostly going to make dinner with SO and I helping. We are bringing disposable plates and silverware so he won't be slaving over anyone.

Cutter's picture

He didn't project blame on ds. He did things i've never seen him do before. He tried to annoy So's boys by repeating things they said everytime they talked, took thier towels so that they would have to chase him ect. He really did act out. When i asked him why he said he wanted them to play with him. We talked about better ways to go about that and he won't be acting like that again. He didn't donit the while time but parts of it.

Fade to black's picture

This ^^^ The first place my mind went to was that during the talk OP will be firm with her son and her SO will be nicey nice to his kids. Then during the implementation of said rules is her SO going to uphold his end? Or just OP?

Hopefully I am off about it, I am curious to read the update.

Cutter's picture

SO was hard on all the kids when we talked to them. He pointed out examples of things that he didn't like and that won't happen again.