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No Driver's Permit for SD15

Crizzle's picture

I posted last night about my SD15 being snotty to my kids when she doesn't think we can see or hear her. We have explained to her time and time again that that is not only disobedient, but dishonest. We have told her that acting one way in front of people and completely different when no one is looking is deceitful and shows a lack of integrity. We have warned her many times that this dishonest behavior could cause her to not be allowed her permit when she turns 16. We told her if she can't be trusted when we aren't standing over her, then she certainly couldn't be trusted out in the world all by herself with a vehicle. And so it has come to pass. DH informed her this morning that due to her consistent dishonesty and lack of integrity she would not be getting her permit come November and would not be taking driver's ed this school year. Go DH. Glad you finally backed me up on something.

Please keep in mind this two-faced behavior I was dealing with last night was not a first occurrence. We have dealt with this and straight-up, bold-faced lies from the get-go with her. She has been lectured many many times and been given numerous other consequences and warned of this consequence if she didn't prove herself to be trustworthy.


LizGrace65's picture

OP said last night's post was about "being snotty."

OP said the punishment is for "consistent dishonesty and lack of integrity" and "straight-up, bold-faced lies" and that other consequences didn't work and SD had been warned that this one would be used.

SD is not being punished for being snotty. SD is being punished for consistent misbehavior that has not responded to first level consequences.

Sounds like the beginning of a problem teen. Probably a good idea to nip it in the bud. Definitely not a good idea to give such a teen a license until the problem is addressed.


Crizzle's picture

Right this is not just about her being snotty. She acts all goody goody in front of us, making us think we can trust her, but keeps getting caught showing her true colors. This is about integrity...doing the right thing even when no one is looking. She has a big history of this and lying. We have consistently tried other methods of punishment for over TWO YEARS now. We have repeatedly reminded her that if she did not learn to show some honesty and integrity then it would eventually lead to her not being able to get her license. Her REPEATED behavior has led to this. She even lied in one of her school journals and told a teacher she had been raped when in fact she had not. That's how bad some of her lies have been. Thanks for helping point all this stuff out LizGrace65. Smile

Jsmom's picture

I am okay with this completely. The drivers license is a privilege not a right. My son is not allowed to get his until he finishes his Eagle project. I have warned him that if he is not on track with it it will not be happening. He says he knows and it will be fine, but he is not and I am holding firm. Most of the parents in our town, do the same thing. Why should they bend over backwards for her, if she is not respecting them.

Crizzle's picture

I am so glad someone realizes that it is a privelege and not a right. We have put another warning to her too: if she does not straighten up and show us that she can be trusted within the next year, then she will have to wait until she is 18...another year. Nothing else seems to have made an impact on her. Maybe this will.

Sia's picture

Good for DH! I think if these kids are not kept in check in todays world, they will grow up to be worthless and self absorbed..... SD21 is this way. We're raising her children now b/c she can't be responsible to do it herself.

Back when she was 16, I wish we'd never have allowed her to get a permit or anything, b/c all she did was abuse the PRIVLIGE!

Crizzle's picture

Exactly Sia! We keep reminding her that she is headed down a path to a lifestyle like her mother. Her mother is the same way. When the judges and social workers were right in front of her she was all business, but as soon as she stepped out of their sight she was right back to her same old manipulative, lying, self-centered ways.

violetforest's picture

We have refused to allow ss16 who lives with us primarily to get his license because of his grades. bm who has joint custody told ss that she was going to sign him up in her area to finish the class and than she would take him to get his license. ss failed multiple classes and bm is blaiming us of course, funny how the rest of the kids in the house are passing with flying colors. bf and I weekly made contact with his teachers and staff at the school, followed the med. dr. on his medications and such, nothing helped he would lie to us about completing work or handing it in.

Now we found out that she along with his grandparents have offered to purchase him a car but he needs to move in with her so that he can be covered. Talk about alienating a child from the parent who is attempting to discipline and who is working to engage this child in his responsibilities as he needs to figure things out to become an adult.

The only thing that we did different from you was that we allowed ss to take the course but that he could not go for his permit until ss could prove that things are changing. We did not want to lose the carrot but still wanted to make our message clear.

PrincessFiona's picture

Good for you and DH trying to instill good values. I wish more parents would step up and be tougher. The children of our society are becoming very selfish, entitled and often rude people.

Moon Child Step Mom's picture

Seriously... not for nothin… but this 34 year old driver just (re)passed her North Carolina drivers test last Friday and I’m still giddy about it! (NC makes you re-test everything when changing over an out of state license!) I sat there all sweaty and studying my book surrounded by more confident looking, eye rolling, compulsively texting 16 year olds… and for just a moment I thought… these brats shouldn’t be allowed to drive till they’re 20 years old!!!

Now I know I’m getting old…
Passed them shits… HOLLA!