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School Schedule v3

Cover1W's picture

Finally had time to talk with DH about YSDs schedule issues and driver's Ed and a couple other things like her not learning new adult skills.

Item 1, adult skills. Like driver's Ed and learning to buy things, go to store, conduct herself in public with skill. He and BM are trying he said they are taaaaaalking with her and suggesting all the time. It's not working DH. Make sure she sits in the front seat of the car, no excuses. (She's got an excuse ready each time for him). Fear = get over it by doing it. Driver's Ed, time to start growing up. Going to store, he thought it was about buying things rather than confidence. He wants her to be confident. Yes DH that means learning to DO THINGS on her own FFS. I agreed with him and said she doesn't do it, no learnings, no confidence. Then he says. Ok I'll talk with BM. FFS WHY? Yes for driver's Ed, but for day to day household stuff? No! You set our house expectations and follow through. Why does BM get a say? That's a problem with allllll of this! That Convo over.

Item 2, a car. After last night he said he's going to look for a used car for local travel only. He wants to pay under $1k. I said good that's good, but set your budget at at least $2k so you don't have to e a ton of repairs and it runs ok. He's not at all mechanically inclined. If he wants me to look with him I will but it's up to him. Basically YSD15 texted him after 8 pm that she was coming to ours today and tomorrow. No notice like we instisted to her. I made DH figure out how she was going to get to our home because I have the car today. It was predictably difficult. Thus yes he needs a car. 

I can tell he's stressing with all of this but I cannot help. He's got to do it.

Comments

The_Upgrade's picture

Wtf?! Yesterday my toddler was determined that I wait outside the corner store while she went in and bought her lunch. I had to discreetly peer in to watch her tap and pay with my card because she got upset if she caught me looking. The people thought it was hilarious while I'm crying inside my baby is growing up. But your SD has over a decade on top my my DD, how on earth does she not know what she wants or how to get it?!

tog redux's picture

I think it's good to push her to start being independent - but how can she learn to drive if she won't sit in the front seat? And why buy a car before she has a license? I do think you should start the process of her learning to drive, but it might take years if she's anxious. 

ESMOD's picture

I think buying the car really needs to be more for her DH since he doesn't have a car at all.. and relies on using Cover's which is not always practical or convenient.  Obv the car can also be used by SD when the time comes.. but I think as a functioning adult with transportation needs of his own.. her dh does need to find a car of hisown... though under 1K is probably not super realistic.. not for anything that will be reliable.

Cover1W's picture

I've been advocating her sitting in the front seat, even if it's just around the neighborhood for over a year to get her used to it.

I'm definitely not talking with YSD directly, heck no. Advocating only parents stop doing 100%for her.

Car would be for DH as he's realized it's not going to work without another car in our location.

CLove's picture

My husband is a mechanic. For several years. And he gets cars for free sometimes because poeple simply dont want to put the $$$ into fixing it. Now we are talking BMWs.

SO, your DH isnt mechanical? Well, hes not going to find anything for that kind of money that isnt going to need some type of investment.

Im guessing that he is looking for himself? Because it seems weird that his daughter at 15 would have a car just sitting there unused while he doesnt have one.

Here where I am EVERYONE needs a car. SD22 FEral Forger still isnt driving yet...so the whole "they drive when they are ready" thing is really beyond me...our job as parents is to "get them ready".

Cover1W's picture

I started driving as soon as I could reach the pedals of the farm tractor around age 10. Drove the farm truck starting around 12 or so. Practice and constantly teaching me, my dad did a great job. I understood the danger and learned skills even just by watching. And I was taught the importance of maintenance and what to look for in a vehicle. DH not so much.

I've told him not to buy a car so cheap he has to fix it or it breaks down. He ran his last car into the ground and it had to be towed away. And I wouldn't ride in it for six months before that.

It would be for him. And it's his decision ultimately. He knows I've declared the line and there's no alternative for him. It's on him and BM for coddling YSD.

MissK03's picture

2/3k you can find a decent car for that amount. My car is only worth 3k MAX. It's a 2013 basic, standard, Mazda 3 with 118k. Never had any issues with it and will probably go for another 100k plus. SS16 drives a 2009 Honda Civic with 190k that SO got for 2k. 

Maybe get himself a car with the idea it will go to SD when she gets her license.

bananaseedo's picture

I think you need to stop pushing the idea of her driving at this age.  A nervous anxious driver is a real liability.  Is your dh prepared to fork out thousands every year to insure her at that age?  Given today's road rage, percentage of accidents and traffic, and the incredibly high statistics of teen deaths and injuries under 18, I would not push it.  Just because you wanted to learn early means nothing-  Some do, some don't.  

I would be more focused on your dh finding his own damn car, and a decent reliable one (not gonna happen under 2k).- and then take his time teaching her to drive.  Has he tried to get an estimate of insurance costs?  

I really cannot understand the push for early driving in kids-most countries don't have it before 18- look at the stats of young teen drivers.  Driving today also is NOT what it was some years ago.  It is absolutely nuts.  In my years of commuting, I saw shootings outside windows,  I've seen fender benders almost daily, I've seen BAD wrecks at least once a week, I've seen fatal wrecks every month or so.  And I drove BACK ROADS and avoided the highway.   It is over the top stressful for ME an experience driver to drive....he's going to have her driving an hour back/forth to school when she doesn't even WANT to drive yet?  THAT seems more irresponsible to push then the parents waiting

Cover1W's picture

Truthfully I don't see her driving in the next year. However in our area it's a good place to learn (friends have kids who are starting out).

DH truly cannot continue driving her for the next three years, it's just not an option with his work schedule. The bus works for her if they reinstate the pre-Covid routes and she has a regular schedule. I see her learning to drive in our area as much safer than near BMs in the city. There's no traffic and she could ease into it. 

I will continue bringing it up with DH so long as he doesn't have another transport method AND if/when he does if he complains about it or still tries to get me involved in pickup/dropoff.

shellpell's picture

So true. I got my license at 16 and looking back, I was way too young and immature. 17 or even 18 would have been better. I made some stupid decisions driving and I'm lucky I didn't get hurt or killed.