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OSD Birthday

Cover1W's picture

Today is OSD's 17th birthday. DH has not seen her nor spoken to her since April 2018, when she was 15.

She PAS'ed out when she was 13/14 and BM has not once agreed that she needs to see her dad. There has been no court as DH was burned during the divorce and doesn't want to be in debt for court that likely will not help the matter anyway.  BM is most certainly the exalted mommy who can do no wrong.

DH was going to ask if he could do a Zoom video meeting with them today sometime as it's only BM, YSD (who put off coming here for three days due to OSD's birthday...DH is so burned out on this stuff he told me he's just not fiighting any longer) and OSD due to the COVID restrictions in our state.  I told him me might get a 'no' answer or basically no answer at all so be prepared.  He agreed and said that at least he's trying. And we agreed that's all he can do. I think he did send something to her for her bday but I do not get involved in that whatsoever. He also verfied he's keeping copies of all correspondence.  I need to make dinner for us tonight (not my night to cook because I'll bet he's going to be all over the place today with emotions).

We expect that when school is back in person we will then see less of YSD as it's impossible for her to make the high school start from our home during the week and he'll be relegated to EOWE. At that point he says we could move. But I think he really wants to wait until YSD is out of high school unless she totally PAS'es out too.  But I don't think she will.  One more week to xmas thank god and then this year will be OVER.  I'm more worried BM will file a CS change once YSD is spending more time with her. Crossing fingers not, but who knows.

On other OSD news, DH got a request the other week for FAFSA information for a private college OSD wants to apply to. This came from not the school but BM.

- Oh, is OSD applying for college early?  Oh, nope. BM and OSD are just making plans so she requested this info, and this school also requires MY info as a DH household member.  OH HELL NO DH to NOT send ANY financial info directly to BM!  WTH!!!! She can guesstimate!  And eff no is she getting ANY of MY information. Never. If the school requires it and I'm not financially obligated, I get that, but I would only agree to submit to the school.  Ever. And no, OSD is not getting a dime from me for college. DH agreed thank goodness.

He also said that if she's applying to colleges and wants his financial support, then she HAS to talk with him, at least about schools. There's no way he's committing thousands going in blind. I siad yep, if she's going into young adulthood part of growning up is acknowledging supporters and coming to agreements with them about stuff like this.

BTW:  She's choosing an all-women's school apparently. Better to avoid men in general. She's identifying as bi but really YSD said she's lesbian. A militant one at that.



Exjuliemccoy's picture

Oh, cool that OSD wants to attend an all female school. I'm sure the curriculum will emphasize  independence and self sufficiency, so she won't want any of her dad's tainted money

tog redux's picture

Ugh, sorry. It was rough when SS20 was alienated. Now he's back, and instead of worried and sad, DH is just chronically disappointed in him.

Good for him that he's not handing over money without her talking to him about it. Any chance BM can get college tuition ordered through court? That's what BM here did. SS bombed out of community college after a year.

Cover1W's picture

The CO states that BM and DH must agree and pay for skids college. Which I still HATE with a passion. But there's no dollar amount. I'm hoping BM is so conflict averse she avoids mandating it. 

Harry's picture

If SD wants financial help then she must talk with her BF.  Play the BM game.  You did not receive any FAFSA paperwork.   This must come from DD. Not from a possible  scammers.  Looking for your information.  

justmakingthebest's picture

DH has said the same thing as you guys about college. He isn't going to help a stranger and at this point SS is a stranger. 

futurobrillante99's picture

The FAFSA is filled out by the parent with whom the child lives. How do I know this? My EX stepsons claimed they live with their mom who is on disability so they could get the max financial aid. They mostly lived with us, but you could argue they lived with her, too, since there was so much back and forth. If they had chosen their dad for the FAFSA, my income would have been included in the "household income."

If SD17 doesn't live with you, they DO NOT need your info.

TwoOfUs's picture

^^^This is 1000% correct. Nor should they want your info since you presumably have two incomes? They'll get higher aid if they fill it out with just BM's info.

All three of ours did this and all three got the maximum amount of grant money.

thinkthrice's picture

When the Gir enrolled the Animal Torturer (SD) in community college, they had to include step daddy big bucks' income on the financial aid forms.   That prompted the Gir to quit her well paying job and become a part time waitress for a few months.

Neither Chef nor I were asked for any financial info as we are non custodial.

Cover1W's picture

AHA!  I'll let DH know this!  Thank you!  I don't read up on the emails or terms but I might start having to.

halo1998's picture

both my kids use their dad since there is only his income there.   Here you have both mine and DH's income, which would be quite high.

My DH is of the opinion..if they don't talk to him, they don't get the benefit of his money/time. GWR does not get presents, no money for school, etc.   The only thing DH gives GWR is child support because he is still in high school..but that goes to Beaver so it doubtful the GWR sees a penny of that money.  Even that will end for GWR when he turns 19 in 3 short months.  DH and I even ended insurance coverage for GWR.  DH's made a big boy choice to turn your back on him, you get big boy consequences.



advice.only2's picture

Oh your DH should so fill it out with your income and send it to the school, but I'm a petty b*tch like that.

ESMOD's picture

Your DH should not fill out the FAFSA.  That is to be filled out by the parent that the child lives with.. so it will be BM and BM's spouse that will need to provide information.

My YSD applied for FAFSA.. she used her mother's information.. not her dad's because mom had custody primarily.  They don't need both bio parent's households information.. only the one she lives with.. which sounds like it is BM.


notarelative's picture

DH needs to use Google and read up on FAFSA.

If the child’s parents are divorced, the custodial parent must be the one to complete the FAFSA...The custodial parent is the one the child lived with, spent the most night's with, in the past twelve months....The wealth of the non-custodial parent is NOT considered in the FAFSA. Some private colleges and universities may use this information, but federal and state aid does not consider this parent’s income and assets when determining how much aid the government will give the student....

Only the stepparent of the custodial parent is considered on the FAFSA. The spouse of the non-custodial parent is not factored into decisions about government-issued financial aid.

Since DH has not seen or spoken to OSD in the past year, there is no way he can be considered the custodial parent for FAFSA purposes. And while a college may ask your information from DH and you, it can be sent directly to the college. It does not have to go through BM. 

Cover1W's picture

Just emailed him some info!  Love all you guys.

Yes, he knows it doesn't go via BM, I informed him to NOT fill anything out until he talks with the school about requirements and do NOT send her one single thing.

Wilhelm's picture

Thank goodness in Australia we do not have to pay as parents for children to go to university. University here is covered by a loan from the government which is repayable when your income reaches a certain limit. Generally the young adult works part time to support themselves through university with some government support depending on the income of the parent who is listed , not both parents if they do not live together.


Catmom024's picture

They're probably scamming him somehow.  I never had to submit my ex's financial information for FAFSA. I had primary custody.

If OSD decides she needs $$ for college she might contact DH.

simifan's picture

I'm sure this is leading up to the next contact which will be, SD didn't get any money for school because you and DH make too much, so DH will have to contribute or she can't go to college.