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BM2 is mega raging and projecting

Cooooookies's picture

SS16 keeps asking questions about his BM.  I don't really know where it's coming from.  We have always kept our mouths shut and never said a bad word about her in front of him.  But he's 16, has a brain (shocking, I know) and wants to know why she is the way she is.

He's noticing - how she never calls, parades him around when he visits, boasting about how good he's turned out because of her.  Apparently she also talks to SS when he's with her about wanting to get back with DH.  The kid has to be quiet about how she used to live with "Friend" back in 2017 when she moved back here for Operation Win DH Back.  He has to be quiet about how she stayed with Mr. Britannia in 2018 while visiting here.  He has to be quiet because BM2 still lives with on again off again bf Mr. Cyprus.  She apparently says quite alot to SS16 when he's visiting her.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND it all came out the other night.  I was at work so DH and SS were home together.  SS16 said all of the above.  How he can't talk about all the men she chases after because she's living with Mr. Cyprus.  How she brags she's raised him so well.  SS said to DH you're the one that's raised me.  She doesn't do anything for me.  Why doesn't she call me?  Why does she tell people she does stuff when it's you and Cookies?  Why is she with other men when she lives with Mr Cyprus?

So DH told him a lot of truths.  SS doesn't want fluffy answers anymore.  Plain old truths. No embellishments, no slander, just the facts ma'am.  Then I came home from work and verified a few things.  Like how she left her underwear in our laundry basket and how she kept trying to get rid of me.  Begging DH to take her back, getting frustrated because it wasn't working, so shouted "Why can't she just FACK OFF BACK TO AMERICA?!?!?!!"  SS just said well that's not very good, is it?  No, it's not SS.

So then he shows us a video of what he thinks of his mother.  It's a few clips from the Disney movie Tangled.  He says she acts just like Mother Gothel.  DH and I just exchanged looks and told SS that it's sad you think that way.  We wish things were different as it would be easier if we all get along, like we do with BM1.  I also said I know what it's like having a challenging BM so he can chat to me anytime he likes.

All of this must've been playing on his mind because he had a messenger chat with BM2 last night.  She just fired back saying DH and I are lying and I've always been mean to her and jealous of her.  SS didn't say much back really.  Then she fired off angry messenger messages to DH saying how dare he do this!!!  How dare he come between her and SS's relationship with this non-sense.  And it's none of Cookies business, why is she lying and poisoning MY son's head?!

Well truth hurts, darling.  You keep raging and projecting, though.  Like always, very entertaining.  UGH.

Comments

tog redux's picture

DH and I watched Tangled with SS when he was around 11.  During that "Mother Knows Best" scene, I look over and SS is in the fetal position, facing away from the TV.  I asked him what's wrong, and he said he had a headache.  Sad

Unfortunately, at 19, he still doesn't seem to have figured out or be willing to admit what his subconscious knew at 11.  He's still too enmeshed and "tangled" up with his own Mother Gothel.

Good for your SS16 and good for you guys.

Cooooookies's picture

Thanks, tog.  It's a shame about your SS.  He seems like he'd be a good person if he could detach himself from mommy dearest.

Curious Georgetta's picture

could most accurately be most accurately answered by his mother and to have suggested that he have that  conversation with his mom.

His dad could have said that he too sometimes found the mom 's behavior troubling and contradictory but as to why she behaves that way only she can explain.

Little good ever comes from trying to explain the behavior of a parent who is present and capable of explaining their own behavior.

thinkthrice's picture

for real?    You might as well have said:  "It might be better to get the murderer's side of the story from the murderer."

Cooooookies's picture

She did explain her behavior to SS.  She said that we were lying and that I have always been mean to her and jealous of her.  Just now she's sending rage messages to DH.  One includes "I'm going to try and get flights there next weekend.  If I can, I will gladly confront Cookies and her 'f*cking ugly face' and tell her exactly what I think of her!"

Don't worry CG, we do have her side of the story.  Ever so helpful, isn't it?

hereiam's picture

Little good ever comes from trying to explain the behavior of a parent who is present and capable of explaining their own behavior.

Hahahaha! Well, capable would be the key word, wouldn't it? These types of women are NOT capable of anything except lying and justifying their own behavior.

When kids reach a certain age, there is nothing wrong with stating the facts when they ask about them.

tog redux's picture

WRONG.

SS: Mom, why are you so crazy?

BM: I'm not crazy, your father is crazy!

SS: Mom, why do you say you raised me when you didn't?

BM: I did raise you, your father is a liar!

Seriously - Cookies, you guys didn't do anything wrong. He needs sane information, not insanity.

Monkeysee's picture

I'm glad your DH was honest with him, he's old enough to knowtruths about his mother & he asked so he clearly wanted to know.  I've always told my DH that if his kids ever asked him about their mothers he should tell them what he feels comfortable, as long as he's honest and doesn't slag either of them off in the process.

It's unfortunate your SS's BM is the way she is, but at least he has honesty & stability with you & your DH!

beebeel's picture

It was around this age that my SS started realizing his mother wasn't the most stable person. The sad part is at nearly 19, he still doesn't know how to cut that chord and stop allowing her to influence his decisions. We thought he was free from her clutches when he moved back in with us, but she managed to insert herself in his recent vehicle purchase and convinced him to put the title in her name. Bleh. 

I wish he had the insights your SS seemed to gain.

Cooooookies's picture

I pick my battles.  Letting her into my house changes nothing.  She would still cause trouble and barring her from the house would just be another power struggle and give her satisfaction that she bothers me so much.  She lives in another country and she causes trouble.  Keeping her on a specific side of our front door would change nothing.

Letti.R's picture

Your SS is at the age where he is starting to see things aren't adding up and he wants to know the truth.
MOTY's image is going to take a huge knock.
How awful for a child to find out Mom is a lying, cheap tart.
 

CLove's picture

I dont know if its more comforting or less, that she realizes things at such a young age. I always refer to her as "emotionally advanced".

She came to realizations that having a boyfriend you live with and then dating, were not good actions. The other day, SHE mentoned it not me, that her mother having three "serious relationships" at the same time wasnt good, how can they be that serious? Even at 12, she explained to me that to have  a serious relationship that is real, you have to spend quality time with that person. Someone online in another country is not considered serious.

And the whole multiple boyfriends thing has been happening since munchkin was oh, about 6. Now, as she enters teen-world, with her friends entering into romantic relationships, she is seeing things with new/old eyes.

I think its wise to be honest with kids, protecting them from anything too ludicrus. There is a fine line that you will always dance, when the child goes back and does the whole "dad said, sm said, is this true?" Ive gotten burned before. You can argue that perhaps the being honest thing isnt the way to go. I feel it is up to the individual parent and sparent. Who are we to judge really?

Your BM sounds super super ludicrus (my favorite word of the day).

Toxic Troll is not allowed anywhere near our doorstep, and Ive been banned from her doorstep (better for me all around.) As far as coming inside? oh he!! no.

One of the reasons that munchkin doesnt have a key to the house is that Im not confident that she could ever tell either her mother or sister no, if they insisted on coming in the house when we werent there (even if we are, still niet).