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Updates, because you know, its slow

CLove's picture

Well its actually high speed ahead with work. But slower down here in the cesspool of dysfunction.

SD25 Feral Forger - posting about shes now nueuro divergent, ADHD, and autistic. Hmmmmmmm maybe, I couldnt say, I am not around her at all and she is BLOCKED. I do like to check in on the downlow. Nothing going on there, and heard through other sources shes got a job. Stress is off there.

Wont know until May 24 if SD17 princess powersulk will graduate, but Im not asking, just biding my time focused on other things.

Last night, we did a mothers day dinner at a nice hip restaurant. I picked up PPP, and she wasnt ready, waited for 5 mins, running late. She came out wearing shorts, and her mothers while dog hair all over the dirty sweater and of course not showered. I wondered briefly why she even bothered with us (free meal!)) but she for some reason wanted to go. I think it was husband who "just wants to spend time with my daughter". At any rate she Powersulked the entire ride there. 35 minutes worth, during which I made calls and sang to the radio. It was weird. Maybe she thinks I actually care if she graduates, or gets her license, or anything.

During dinner, it was powersulk through conversations, side convos with her and husband. Then she'd whisper to H and he would tell the rest of us. 

50$ later, she had picked a few bites of her meal, it all went into a box uneaten (like all the other times) and my mother insisted on paying. So, none of this was too odd, except when shed arrived Monday night, she was all smiles and laughing and chatting. And then I heard her laughing and talking all night on the phone. changes. Even through one night. After dinner, she rode with me again back home, (because husband had a thing to do, still cant tell you what) and she chatted. Invariably, conversation went around to graduation "is it ok if I invite your parents?" and then "I dont know what to tell everyone everyone wants to know what I want for my birthday..." I threw out a few half-hearted suggestion "gift card money!" and her comments "your mother always gave nice gifts, I always liked them...(erm except for the mixing bowl you said you wanted that one time, mom bought it then she stated she just wanted cash, not a mixing bowl...) 

So, any guesses as to the jekyl and hyde? Ca$h grab was my first thought. She wants everyone she knows to pony up for this last time due to visitation ending and her mothers dad, although wealthy, is super cheap. Her mother doesnt seem to have much either.
When I proposed she announce her graduation on the family (husbands fam) chat, to see how many tix, she nixed it, saying she "doesnt feel comfortable doing that". HAAH. Because obvious ca$h grab. People you havent made any investment in a relationship with and suddenly you invite them to graduation...because $$$$.

Luckily thats all I got. Biggrin


Aniki-Moderator's picture

she rode with me again back home, (because husband had a thing to do, still cant tell you what)

What.The.Hell.  Woman...this is NOT disengaging. His sulking monkey, his bloody circus, HIS PROBLEM. Unless he was being rushed by ambulance to the hospital or morgue, you should not be driving her anywhere. I'm going to go bang my head on something pointy now...   *dash1*

CLove's picture

If I had refused, I would have upset her, and then shes in the middle. I was trying pretty hard not to make waves. Mom loves husband and wants everyone to be happy. If I had said no, husband would have made a scene. I was already mad about his new 120$ shirt he just had to buy but made no move to contribute to the bill as well as his planned fathers day fishing trip "Oh Ill just bring powersulk" after inviting me, but never mind thats another convo...

CajunMom's picture

This is NOT disengaging. Also, read your response. You are concerned about your mom and putting her in the middle. What about you and your feelings? Have you talked with your mom about what's going on and what those kids have done to you? And what your DH has forced you to tolerate??  I can tell you this...if you were my daughter and I knew the history, I would be disengaging with you. Next, your concern about your DH causing a scene? That's putting him ahead of you. Let him pick up his kid but at this point, PowerSulk would NOT be attending personal meals with me. YOur DH could stay home with her if that bothered him. Or let him take his "precious" out to dinner alone, as he wants time wit her. Make a scene?? He'd do that one time and one time only in my world. Let him embarrass himself.

I know disengaging is hard; it took me several years to get "there." BUT it cost me dearly in my mental health. I hope you don't let yourself get pushed to that point, CLove. It's not an easy journey back. 

Let your DH handle his own toxic kid. Try to remove yourself completely from her. Oh...I would NEVER be alone with that girl, considerint the lies she's said and things she's done. 


Aniki-Moderator's picture

I honestly doubt your mom would love your husband so much if she knew all of the BS he pulls. Total jackwad with zero respect for you. He knows how to dole out just enough to keep you in line and on a line. I'd like to smack him upside the head with a rotting halibut.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

If you were honest with your mother about your DH and PS - would she be a source of real life support? If so, tell her! You need all the support you can get. And I agree with Aniki - if he wanted PS to come to dinner, he can pick up and drop off.

CLove's picture

lets just say my Foo is messed up, probs why Im in my current pickle.

I called her after the Tatoo fiasco. Shes frail so she cant "get involved".

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Shes frail...

She's smart! *biggrin*

Seriously, if she's too frail to get involved then she shouldn't deal with any of your H's drama. Him off to his mysterious thing and dumping the sulkster on you is drama. And as much as you screw on a smile and play happy family, there are detectable undercurrents.

MorningMia's picture

Been there re: the cash grab behavior. Stopped contributing or having anything to do with contributing well over 10 years ago until my I relapsed a few years back, felt my heartstrings pulled, and I bought baby shower presents. They must have had a good laugh among themselves when they smacked me down. That was my last lesson. When Baby 2 came, they (BM and SD) actually invited me (to contribute) to another baby shower. I ignored the invite. They didn't bother with Baby 3. 
I also used to do the online "investigations" to try to keep up with what was really going on in their lives (and got some good intel) because, God knows, DH was kept in the dark about many, many (ok, most) things. But then I got to a point where I really didn't want to see it. I knew what they were made of and who they were, and DH was as enlightened as he was going to get about them. It was up to him to protect himself from the ingrate manipulators.  

Like I've said, for me full disengagement has been a fluid thing. Getting to where I am now took steps and I sometimes tripped and fell. As our friend Rags often says, Take Care of You! 

advice.only2's picture

This reminds me of when Spawn graduated, DH didn’t know if she was going to graduate until zero hour and even then she had already given away all her tickets to “family.”  DH ended up getting a ticket from a family friend and attended the graduation.  Spawn made a huge deal on social media claiming DH wasn’t even there.  Family friend who gave DH the ticket responded to her post and was like nope he was there after I gave him a ticket and you totally blew him off.  After that she blocked us all on social media.  As for the cash grab I know all of my family and DH's family sent her money, which was their choice.  DH and I didn’t do anything.  A few years later when BS graduated, Spawn saw the photos online and got her little panties in a twist because we had a party for him and all of my family and DH’s family was there.  Not sure why considering she has always let us know we aren’t her family, but she then took to social media again to bash DH and use my BS’s graduation photos to do so.  That was my last straw with Spawn and I have not seen or spoken to her since.

Rags's picture

Zero hour qualifying for graduation. Both of my BILs did that.

I did it for graduation with my BS.  I transferred in all of my lower division/gen studies courses for my BSEE. Including all of the English courses.  I missed the requirement for a 1 semester hour English lab.  WTF is an English lab.

Basically, it was a basic word processing requirment. An hour before the deadline for meeting the graduation requirements for that semester a runner from the Dean's office hunted me down and told me to get to the Dean's office immediately.  I could not graduate until I completed the 1 hr credit. Since I transferred in the course work, all that was needed was for me to complete a word processing demonstration.  Type  up a passage, edit, reformat, spell check, etc... I had an hour to do complete the test.  I was 45mins in when the power in the computer lab went out and I lost it all.  So, I did it all again in 15mins. I entered the Dean's office about 5mins after the deadline. The Dean's admin asked "Is it done?". Yep. Then she tossed the disk in the trash and checked my graduation box.  No one ever looked at it.


Harry's picture

Let DH. schedual his life sh he picks up PPP,  and has the joy to drive her...  Wgat do you expect. PPP /. Free real meal ie looking at BM.  Free dinner wins out.

""SD25 Feral Forger - posting about shes now nueuro divergent, ADHD, and autistic. "'.  Good, maybe she will get some help that she needs.  Few weeks in a mental institution will do her good.  Not your problem or concern.  These kids are getting older. And are so mentally challenged, and had poor parenting, that they have a long road ahead of them.   
'But just think,  any guy they get serious with, has to be nuts also so the circus will get bigger.  And DH will ringmaster more   That's life ahead of you 

AgedOut's picture

I worry that you're so diligent about keeping everyone else happ that you forget to keep yourself happy. 

wolflady's picture

Your husband is a real jerk and has no respect for you. He invites powersulk but YOU must pick her up and YOU must take her home because of his mystery activity. Was he wearing the pricy new shirt to the mystery activity? Bunch of hogwash. He wants his kid there but leaves you to play chauffeur because he's too busy. 

Powersulk wants to invite your parents because..MONEY. Takes after both her parents. Did your H pay you for your time and gas money? 

I sure don't get why you settle. You should be the leading lady in your own story. His kid is and you keep playing second third fourth fiddle. He loves his self and fishing and spending money and doing what he wants and treating you like hired help.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Her oily H slid out of contributing to dinner, too. *diablo*

CLove's picture

Hes taking me on a vacation this weekend...camping and hiking. So we shall see how it goes.