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ToxicTroll losing job, money stress and other updates

CLove's picture

Well, after several weeks of staying home because her doctor told her she must, she is finally getting the boot from her job.

This is from her brain injury from a few years ago. She told DH that she is getting a 30k severance, and they are letting her go in November, and she is losing her insurance. The settlement is still in the works, though, so she wont be in the streets by any means, now or in the near future.

Not certain is this is good or bad for us, or even neutral. She is going to have enough money while looking for another job or doing side gig cleaning/caretaking or whatever, so she will not be hounding DH for more money, I dont think.

However, this consitutes a "change in circumstance", enough that she COULD possibly file for a child Support modification, from the current 347 she now is getting. Depends on if she wants to do this or not.

Either way, she has set herself up pretty well, and we are still struggling to pay bills, and get caught up, and fork over her monthly checks.

Just lots of changes going on. We may lose our house on top of everything else (we rent not own currently, and owner wants to sell). The stress of this plus money stress, is keeping me up lately, and waking me up early. Struggling to get out of bed on chilly mornings, to make money at a temp job I hate, so I can help us stay at a negative balance, but keep the lights on and the water flowing and roof over our heads and food in our stomachs.

Added to all this, Munchkin SD12 is asking for a new backpack from us, because the strap on hers is almost broken off. I offered her 2 choices from mine, and she refused...then she borrows my socks because she cant do her own laundry (at almost 13, shes just lazy, she has the ability). Shes used to us buying everything. Now its time to go to ToxicTroll, her mother for things...and she doesnt.

So we need your prayers, and positive vibes, steptalkers. Winter is coming.



Siemprematahari's picture

Sending positive vibes your way! There are times in life when things get overwhelming but you'll get through this phase in your life like you always have. Just have faith and focus on doing right by you and your family.

Hope you find a job that is more to your liking and with better pay.

CLove's picture

It feels like this year has been one thing after another, especially right after we got married.

Hopefully I get that "dream job", and we are able to buy the house this year.

Crossing fingers and toes.

futurobrillante99's picture

I'm so sorry to hear this news about Toxic Troll's job loss. I can't imagine her prevailing if she goes for an increase in CS. She's getting 30K, for Pete's sake. I assume she's going to live off of it, no? Wouldn't it count as income? If it's "back income" couldn't the past CS be re calculated? How much did she earn in salary per year?

If she is capable of earning 40K a year and doesn't find a new job, but chooses to live off the 30K, wouldn't that still be her income?

I can't believe a court would be like, "Oh hey. You just got a 30K windfall, but that's free money. Imma going to raise your child support because you now have no income."

I guess it could happen, but that would be insane.

CLove's picture

Thanks for the realtiy check! I guess Im just thinking "ok, how can life kick me again now that I am down?"

thinkthrice's picture

"brain injury"   Not to chuckle but don't all HCBMs have some sort of "brain issue?"   If you don't laugh, you'll cry.

I can't believe a court would be like, "Oh hey. You just got a 30K windfall, but that's free money. Imma going to raise your child support because you now have no income."

I guess it could happen, but that would be insane.


Sounds like something that would definitely happen in New York!

lieutenant_dad's picture


Let's break down the CS part: how is CS calculated in your state? Here, BM could be jobless or make double what DH does, and his amount of CS would vary very slightly (give or take $100/mo). Plus, the fact that BM just sought modification will make it unlikely that she will be able to seek it again so quickly, AND her severance should be calculated in because that *is* income. And unless she *can't* keep a job due to disability, then a judge may wait until she exhausts all her own funds before even entertaining a modification. And the judge will likely want to see what she is doing to acquire income, either by actively looking for a job or applying for disability.

CLove's picture

uses a basic calculator that plugs in number of dependents, parental income and insurance, rent, and new spousal income as well as any additional "new" children".

So, I am hoping that counts as income, she makes a basic low amount as a "teacher" (she works/worked with autistic children) plus her workmans comp award, which will likely be close to 100k (I googled it, standard amount, supposedly)

So I guess we are sort of "safe" for a few years at least.

thinkthrice's picture

she makes a basic low amount as a "teacher" (she works/worked with autistic children)

Those POOR children!!

CLove's picture

The school system provides above average insurance for a very low amount, and half of take home pay goes to retirement account, so since she has been in the school system for more than 10 years, she has set herself up pretty well.

Yeah. Little kids that she can control, unlike her ex husband, myself and her children. it will be interesting to see how things go with Munchkin SD12. She is already showing signs of teenager-dome.

Major Blunder's picture

Hey Clove, not sure about your fiancial situation and don't need the particulars but we just went through the "Landlord decided to end our contract" deal as well, he gave us just under 90 days to vacate, we decided to look into buying a house even though we had no money set aside and found out about USDA loans which are zero down, you might want to look into that at least not renting means no landlord to kick you out.

CLove's picture

Just need a permanent job and a little time.

I figure if LandLord wants to fork over the considerable amount of cash and effort, for a higher cash out, then we will look elsewhere.

There is A LOT that would have to be fixed if he wants to sell it. He made an offer, minus the amount to fix. We were too slow, to his credit, however, my parents are gifting us a nice down on something, and it might just be better if we downsize and get something that would be already fixed (without the mold too!)

Major Blunder's picture

See not all bad, your parents helping out is a light in the darkness. That's sometimes hard to find when it feels like the world is closing in.  When we were told that we had 90 days to vacate we felt like it was another kick in the teeth but now we are seeing it as a blessing, for you no mold, nothing to fix (immediately) that's awesome !!!

I'll keep you in prayer though, never get enough of that Biggrin

CLove's picture

My mother is incredible. Everything will work out for the best, just need to keep plugging away.

Thank You!!

CLove's picture

HUgs back. It seems when one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong along with it.

Step-girlfriend's picture

Oh I have been in your thing after another, and it all seems overwhelming and like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. And then something good happens, and another good thing, and before you know it you are on the other side of all the nonsense, kind of amazed at how much things have changed and that it is all in the past. If someone had told me 2 years ago that I would be looking at possibly purchasing what is basically my dream house, I would have been highly skeptical. But now it is a real possibility! And perhaps this is an opportunity to teach SD that sometimes life can get hard, and you make do with what you can.

In your case, it will be the job you want, a new house around the corner...I really believe in positive thinking when it comes to that kind of thing. If you believe you can get it, you will! Hang in there!



CLove's picture

Thank you for the positivity! I am doing that "think positive" thing for all im worth as not to get mired in the "here and now" gloom.

Congrats on your dream home Biggrin

ndc's picture

At almost 13, Munchkin is old enough to understand the concept of "we can't afford that."  When she asks for something, if you cannot afford to buy it for her, just tell her that.   If one of your backpacks isn't good enough for her, oh well . . . she can ask her mom or do without. 

CLove's picture

Shes just so used to the way things USED to be - that we buy her everything and pay for everything, including me. Its a tough transition for poor little snowflake!

And Im no longer going to use my own money for her "to fill in the blanks", for either SO or ToxicTroll. She asked for some new socks as well. Not my problem. Just feeling like we can never get ahead, always something is coming up behind us and blindsiding us. I know it will get better, with hard work and diligence, and strength.

Just not feeling strong right now.

Gimlet's picture

As hard as it is, because you care about her, you must stick to it.   Her mother asked for CS specifically so she could provide those things.  There is nothing wrong with saying you can't afford it and your DH directing your SD to her mother with those requests.  If you keep providing extras, then you are removing BM's accountability in the situation and keeping SD from seeing the truth at an age appropriate level. 

I don't envy your situation.  It has to be so hard to care about this kid and deal with the drama that surrounds her and her mother's side of the family, while you are struggling to keep your own head above water.

((hugs)) Clove, hang in there. 

CLove's picture

Produces an awkward silence. SO Im not pushing it. It has gotten to the place where she is wanting to spend her own money rather than ask her mother for anything. I think her mother is crying poor to her and loosing her job, is stressing Munchkin out, even though she is getting a hefty 30k severance and a workmans comp settlement.

ToxicTroll has absolutely no accountability. In anything.

TheEvilStepmomStrikesBack's picture

Prayers for you! Hope it gets better! I’ve been in that particular rut before and it’s not fun! I really do hope everything works out for you’ 

CLove's picture

Prayers are so appreciated. It will get better, its the bumpy road that hurts...

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I bet a strip of duct tape would fix the strap on her backpack!

CLove's picture

With the duct tape...LOL.

she decided to take me up on my offer of a backpack of mine that she really likes.