BM texting at 10:30 pm last night "please come over, now" - Sorry BM no takey backies
I am beyond upset that this creatin has the ever-loving nerve! Last night at around 10:30 as we were getting ready to sleep, among other things, SO tells me that BM is having car issues - the new BMW X convertible top wont go back up. Oh poor baby! And then she texted can he work on it.
"Maybe come over now? LOL"
That's all it took, and then we had a tiff over it. In SO's mind, he is seeing his karma fairy at work, and that she got herself into a large ($8,000 remaining on $14,000 vehicle) debt with a high-maintenance car that she cant afford to keep repairing. I am very upset about her thinking he will be at her beck-and-call!!!!!! Texting that time of night! Fr!ck!
I am the end of my "please the BM to keep things nice" rope. Heck with that. SO texted her back "oh sh!t. I don't work on those". Laughing the whole time at her predicament. I told him "get some boundaries, she is NOT to text you at this time of night, especially asking for help, and for you to come over".
He could have helped by getting her a deal at his shop, but he tells me that he is not helping at all, I will just have to be happy with that.
I told him "she is casting her nets out, to find a new chump to shack up with! She wants you back!" Keep in mind this is the end of the night, Im tired and but frisky.
He cackled at that and told me that "there are no takey backeys!" I asked him what that meant, he said "that's what I told her and BF Tweedles. Hmmmmm, and this conversation came about, how exactly? I guess when SO was working on Tweedles car that he shares with BM, the BMW X, they tried to give back some tools, and he pertly quipped "oh that's ok, keep them. No takey backies, that goes for HER (BM) too! Heeee Heee".
Ok, that WAS funny. And then the kicker:
BM: "Ur such an A$$hole!"
SO: "That's Mr A$$hole to you!"
I don't know - sounds like they are sort of flirting to me. But that could be my insecurity talking. She has tried to entice him before. She is a gross, rude, belligerent, mean, stupid, uninteresting, disgusting woman. I should not feel threatened. Ok, happy Humpday, vent over.
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Comments
Why did he feel like he
Why did he feel like he needed to respond to that text at all? Dang, that would have irritated me. No response or a simple "no" would have said everything that needed to be said.
Because he was enjoying "his
Because he was enjoying "his moment". That's his words.
She has been so abusive to him in the past, and depends on him for all her car repair needs (part of unofficial settlement agreement. She pays for parts, and gets labor for free and car help.) So now that her life is made more difficult it is giving him pleasure watching her go through difficulties. She had cheated and lied causing him to leave her, so he wants her to feel the pain of his loss. The karma bus hitting her. That is all, or at least I hope so. My insecurities start sounding off in my brain, however.
yes, Merry - I was definitely super-vexed. Thank you!
there is no such thing as an
there is no such thing as an unofficial settlement agreement.
He helps her because he wants to...
He is still connected to her. That's not good for a marriage.
I can't wait until there is a
I can't wait until there is a "like" button on this site.
*like*
*like*
Yeah and why is the witch
Yeah and why is the witch texting at 10:30 at night. Your DH should tell BM to not text him after a certain time at night and in the morning. That is what we had to do with BM over here. DH texted her and told her do not text him before 9 am in the morning and before 9 pm at night unless it is an emergency with his kids. BM is not your DH's wife anymore and has no business texting him that late to "fix her POS!
I asked him to do just that -
I asked him to do just that - "please ask BM NOT to text at this time of night!" His response was that it would anger her and she would go back to toxic spew-mode.
serioiusly, he should not
serioiusly, he should not respond to inappropriate texts or phone calls, or ones at inappropriate times. No phones in the bedroom is also a VERY good rule.
Yes. I agree! Although he
Yes. I agree! Although he tells me that he needs it for the alarms. Honestly this woman needs to get the heck out of my bedroom.
I want to move, to the next city over, to get away far enough that she cant possibly think any kind of assistance like this is at all possible. ESPECIALLY at that time of night.
get him an old school alarm
get him an old school alarm clock.
this is sending out all kinds of bells and whistles - no pun intended.
I know the feeling of the
I know the feeling of the disgusting BM being in the bedroom. While I was getting dressed this AM and DH was still in bed, BM called. It was about money (what else). Her baby mama card or whatever she uses as money was declined ...and instead of calling the court or whatever department she needs to call, she calls DH. It pissed me off how long he listened to her babble. It was garnished out of the check he got, so his part is over. She can figure the rest out.
I'd be willing to bet they aren't flirting so don't stress it. I know how it feels to wonder, though.
I have him show me the texts,
I have him show me the texts, so I don't have to worry about that and he doesn't have to think about how to paraphrase things.
Yickky poo poo. Calling while he is in bed...that is way too intimate for me. Three is a crowd is my opinion. I was like "geeze I feel like the other woman!!!"
Exactly Moving_on. And I love
Exactly Moving_on. And I love him enough to know that it means something, and respect that he appreciates being in a much better place now with me.
Unofficial settlement
Unofficial settlement agreement my ass.
Let me guess, he agreed to that "for the kids"? If he wanted her to feel the pain of his loss, he would create a bigger void (by NOT being there for her AT ALL).
Because he was enjoying "his moment". That's his words.
Now that, I believe. The problem is, playing games like he does with her, is not the definition of moving on.
I agree - that was what I was
I agree - that was what I was told was his reason for even doing any kind of work at all. that they agreed to no child support and low alimony of $300, on the condition that he help her out with the vehicles. I would prefer that he just pass the work on to any of his other pals. This is an incredibly sweet deal for him, and the children are definitely taken care of, off the books, as he does as much as he can afford.
But really, I definitely need to mention that he playing off her misfortunes is still him CARING. which he claims not to. But in answer to my requests of "please do not respond to her texts like that, it is unnecessary", he threatens the couch, to which I respond "do that, relationship over." We eventually made up, but as you can see I am stewing over it.
"that they agreed to no child
"that they agreed to no child support and low alimony of $300, on the condition that he help her out with the vehicles"
so was it in the settlement or not??
Not written down ANYWHERE.
Not written down ANYWHERE. But SO is still locked in that hopeless "please her so she is nice" feedback loop!
so, what's in the settlement
so, what's in the settlement agreement??
$300 alimony, 50/50 child
$300 alimony, 50/50 child custody.
so then, that's what he is
so then, that's what he is obligated to do.
Done. Simple. Follow the order to the TEEEEEE!
But in answer to my requests
But in answer to my requests of "please do not respond to her texts like that, it is unnecessary", he threatens the couch, to which I respond "do that, relationship over."
Seriously? This would tick me off even more than the texts. You ask him for a legitimate request and he tosses this garbage back at you.
Yep. After I said that - he
Yep. After I said that - he immediately backed off. No couchie. Still stewing though.
That "for the kids" is just
That "for the kids" is just crap. I heard it a few times before I told DH that if he wanted to help BM so much "for the kids" that he should get out of my bed and get into BM's. Weird, but I never heard that crap statement again.
Honestly it feels like two
Honestly it feels like two teenagers flirt texting back and forth. Like my husband told me, when you don't like someone, you don't f*ck with them PERIOD. If it's not about the kids and an emergency then I don't understand why he responds. He might not do "take backs" but he definitely enjoys being the one BM runs to when she's got problems.
THANK YOU. I agree
THANK YOU. I agree wholeheartedly, and it sux.
It would bother me why he
It would bother me why he takes so much pleasure in her pain. Usually only people who still care to some degree take pleasure in someone else's issues.
The way SO and I see it, we hope BM does well and we are not happy if she is going through tough times because this means SD is going through tough times. Never wish BM ill because in a sense its like wishing SD ill. Something happens to BM and SD will suffer.
I think your SO needs to get over the cheating and lying since he has now "moved on"
He also doesn't need to respond to her texts. It would irritate me if they are communicating over anything other than SD and so late at night as well.
ding ding ding ding
ding ding ding ding
Yes, agreed - which is why I
Yes, agreed - which is why I helped BM's hapless boyfriend Tweedles get a nice-paying job, thinking, if I help them improve their finances it will be better for SD's. The arguing would lessen, maybe more money for some movies and entertainment.
Nope. They bought a third car to share and were able to buy more alcohol, and go on a nice vacation.
It did not improve things like I had envisioned, because they still fought like junkyard dogs.
You really can't assume
You really can't assume things with BM and her household. She has your SO at her beck and call at all hours of the day, no amount of help is going to change that unless your SO gets over the petty stuff and sets boundaries.
Its hard because he has a "sweet deal" with no CS and only 300 alimony. But now he is essentially her slave. So really why even divorce.
I think setting boundaries is key for you to have a good relationship with the guy but, if he is willing to toss garbage at you(the whole couch crap) and not her should tell you where you stand.
All I can say is good luck, hope you can find a way to convey the message to him so that it sinks in.
"All I can say is good luck,
"All I can say is good luck, hope you can find a way to convey the message to him so that it sinks in."
~ All I can say in response to that is "Sledgehammer?"
:jawdrop:
BM likes to keep SO filled in on all her statuses and escapades (dating her 25 yo co worker, all her other dates, her money situation, etc...) you know - all the inappropriate non-child stuff that many BM's like to keep our SO-Dh's abreast of...
This is my first time in this kind of situation. To me, discussing money matters to those on the "outside" - even with children, is a no-no. Same with the "dating". TMI.
Well, hopefully, with time, end of child custody and end of alimony his divorce will reap benefits of keeping me around long-term.
you BOTH need to learn to
you BOTH need to learn to stay out of that house's business.
I don't think you should
I don't think you should worry about BM and her bf. You should worry about your man still being entangled with his ex. So inappropriate.
This has been ongoing for the
This has been ongoing for the last 3 years. This August will be 1 year divorce anniversary. YES. WE celebrated divorce and will celebrate the 1 year. With either me moving on, or us not having this BM bs to deal with!!
glass raised.
Your DH still has unresolved
Your DH still has unresolved emotional connections to BM.
Thus, you are indeed the "other" woman.
The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.
He is not over her.
My DH married BM because she
My DH married BM because she got knocked up after a ONS. It was 40 years ago and he was in the military (overseas) home for a visit. That's what one was supposed to do back in the dark ages. Probably was not even DH's child but there was no DNA testing back then. She cheated on him during their short marriage.
DH went on to have a real marriage with his 2nd wife (15 years) with no children as DH got snipped after SS 31 was conceived. Dh and BM had a weird relationship.
But when I met DH about 8 years after his divorce from his 2nd wife he was still "friends" with BM. I personally do not accept "relationships" with exes. I laid down the law that he could not be with me if he wanted to be "friends" with any exes even BM. SS was grown so there was no need for them to be attached on any level.
DH originally thought that since he didn't give a sh*t about BM that he could interact with her. From my perspective it was this was a woman that he had sex with and produced children. Since these children were adults - he did not need to ever speak to her again.
Unfortunately that bitch denied DH access to their older child when he died. That just solidified my assessment of her as the bitch from hell.
I definitely do not accept
I definitely do not accept the "friends with the ex". He does it for the children, to keep her on the nice track. She is a vile, mean, stupid person who attacks at will and then "oops, sorry. lol."
Yeah my DH tried to still be
Yeah my DH tried to still be on some twisted form of emotional attachment to BM2. That is until both of my feet were on their way out the door. He then decided really fast it wasn't worth it. He chose me, but sadly not all men do.
He's still emotionally involved and that's why you feel jealous and insecure. Like everyone says here, the opposite of love is indifference. If he still getting some form of pleasure from upsetting her or getting digs in, he's still attached. That's a no go in my book.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
At this point I am torn about
At this point I am torn about that. I think that it is simply he feels vindicated because she was so horrible to him, said he was such a bad person to everyone, including his own family at family gatherings. She abused him emotionally and physically, leaving many scars.
So I am trying to consider that it is not that they are enmeshed still, but more along the lines of "wow, I am so much better off with CLove, than you."
A long time ago, when she was dating, she recommended one of her "dates" go see my SO about his car. They got to talking and SO showed her "date" a photo of me. The "date" commented that he had "definitely traded up" from his ex. I know that was a ONS!!!!
Yes Monkey, I am considering
Yes Monkey, I am considering that. You know how emotions are, though - they can be hair-trigger at times. She really gets under my skin in a gross way. She is a gross person. She was so abusive to my SO, that he has physical scars on the back of his neck from where she dug her nails in. He threw her out of the house though, when he found out she was cheating. She still kept sneaking into his house, and wanted him back. I get that he is over her, has finalized divorce - I think my insecurities come from knowing that she wanted him back, and they have 2 children together, and a long history together.
BM likes to keep SO filled in
BM likes to keep SO filled in on all her statuses and escapades (dating her 25 yo co worker, all her other dates, her money situation, etc...) you know - all the inappropriate non-child stuff
BM over here used to try that crap with my DH and he told her he would hang up on her if she didn't have anything to tell him about SD. He hung up on her anytime she started in on her personal life. She got the message.
BM keeps doing what she's doing because your SO is doing the dance with her, and apparently, he finds it worth the energy. And he is also NOT concerned how YOU feel about it.