New to this, and need to vent. Anyone else in this situation?
I need someone to talk to that's in the same boat as me.
my now fiancé and I have been together for almost 5 years. we have a little girl together. during the time we've been together we went on a short break. I slept with someone else and he slept with 3 other people. as we were working things out he had a drunken one night stand with a girl her barley knew and got her pregnant. once I found out she was pregnant (3 months in) I went off the deep end. I took a bunch of medication and drank with it and ended up spending the night in the hospital. which was when I found out I was pregnant too. I was so depressed and just wanted out. (which now I love my baby girl more than life and im so glad I didn't abort her.)
I tried to befriend the girl, despite how I felt about her, and here's some of her responses "you didn't put your d*ck in me, so don't worry about it" "wow, you just had to get pregnant bc I was" "come over to my house so I can whoop your a**"
**Remind you they barley knew each other and it was a one night stand. I've known him since I was in grade school. But these messages just go to prove how childish and immature she is. I cant deal with her!
She doesn't want me around the baby. She cant stand the thought of her daughter living the family life with me and my family. I know she couldn't really keep me away just because im far from unfit. this girl never graduated HS. she does drugs, has a criminal records, and has dealt drugs.
I on the other hand, I graduated with honors, I'm an EMT/Fire Fighter, I go to a state university, live on my own, never been in trouble, and I don't do drugs.
Two years in, and I've met the baby once, and my fiancé never. He pays 103$ a week in child support ever since the baby was 3 months old. (she filed 10 days after our daughter was born)
I have a lot of trust issues with this girl. 4 months after my daughter was born she tried getting a hotel with my fiancé and then threw it in my face. She's immature, ghetto, and really unfit.
She has a boyfriend who does the same as her. She lives in a small apartment with her mom and sister. And her and her boyfriend fist fight so much. CPS was called once over it actually.
ANYWAYS: I NEED SOMEONE WHO IS IN THE SAME BOAT. I need to let this go but its so hard when we have to deal with her. and I don't want to. and its unfair the other little girl, and my daughter! we can't really afford to go to court. and truthfully im scared to. I don't want this girl in our life WHAT SO EVER! esp how she's treated me.
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I'm not in your situation but
I'm not in your situation but I my DH has to deal with a trashy exW.
My advice is for your and your fiance to live your lives and minimize any impact on your child or his with the one night stand. It sounds like he doesn't have visitation.
You don't need to have a relationship with the ONS, nor does she have to have one with you or your child. However, if your fiance plans on getting visitation with his child, then you'll want to encourage a relationship between your two kids.
Did your fiance know about
Did your fiance know about the room she tried to get... what was his response?
If your fiance isn't worried about seeing the other child, then unfortunately you shouldn't be either. If he wants to see his kid, then he can most likely get visitation. she has no say in who will be at visitation.
It sounds like she doesn't know your fiance really well at all.
Yes, he knows. And that's
Yes, he knows. And that's where my trust issues come in play. She told him she got a boob job (which com to find out was a complete lie) and he talked to her about it and that's when she brought up getting a hotel so he can "explore them" he agreed, but never followed through it. Anyways, I found out later from her. She tries to break us up with everything. When she found out she was pregnant she was telling him he needed to leave me to come be with her to take care of her sexual needs.
It's just so disturbing. I feel like if he ever wants to have something to do with his other daughter, my rule is he can't communicate with the BM. She can talk to me, or he can speak with her mother or sister. I don't trust her. Not long ago he needed her social for taxes. (He changed his number after the hotel thing so she doesn't have it) but anyways he messaged her from my phone and she was being very nice to him. She made sure it was "his phone and not mine" then she got on Facebook and seen he had messaged her first through my Facebook. So her whole demeanor changed once she realized he wasn't going behind my back. She then was rude and didn't want to give him the ss#.
She doesn't like that we're getting married either. They used to be her excuse for not wanting me around bc we weren't married.
And they don't know each other. She didn't even know his middle name until they went to court. It was seriously I seen you a couple times kind of level with them. He had a party one night while I was at work, and his cousin's BM brought her.
It's depressing!
Im not in your shoes but Id
Im not in your shoes but Id think if he really wants to.be a part of his child's life he could. Maybe he stays distant because he knows the Hell and crazy this chica would reign down on your family?
I don't speak to the mom. I
I don't speak to the mom. I have nothing to do with her. I tried to befriend her in the beginning to make things easier before we had our children. But it wasn't working. She parties and doesn't spent the CS on the baby. I'm on good terms with the BM's mother. And she's told me all this. She is the one who parents the child.
I don't need negative feedback (referring to one of the comments) I would never try to replace her as long as she's being a mom. But the whole situation still bothers me. I know I have no control over it. But I try to be supportive and I want it to be clear that I'm not the reason my fiancé doesn't have a relationship with his other daughter. I will never keep it a secret from our daughter, but I just feel like if we go on forever with out a relationship, that I will end up paying for it when it comes to my daughter.
Even the BM's mother told me she would rather the baby love with me and my fiancé than her own daughter. I don't want to replace her mom. But I feel like we could be better parents. I'm just scared to open that can a beans... Knowing it prob wouldn't go in our favor.
I can't make my fiancé's choices, but I will always stand behind him no matter what. So please no bashing. I think he decided not to be around to avoid the everyday fight. He's doing a lot already I feel like by paying 103$ a week to support her.
I guess when she's old enough to find us without the BM drama, we'll open our hearts and home to her.
After the hotel thing, I was
After the hotel thing, I was leaving him. And he had contacted a lawyer already about his rights as her dad. We obviously worked through that and getting married in may. There's no doubt in my mind that he would ever walk away from our daughter. He's such an awesome dad. Our daughter is crazy about him, she has him wrapped around her finger. So it makes me feel like the only reason he isn't with the other baby is truly because of the crazy BM.
I know when she told him she was preg he wanted her to get an abortion and told her from the get go he wouldnt be apart of it. When we fond out I was preg I wante an abortion bc of all this and he begged me to have the baby, and has been so involved. So idk if its bc he has a bond with our daughter or why he doesn't want one with his other daughter right now. He says one day he'll see her. But I think that he's talking about when she can communicate without BM.
Yep. I'm in your shoes
Yep. I'm in your shoes exactly. One night stand child...who is now in our FULLTIME custody. It sucks big time. We pay for everything--financially, emotionally, physically, mentally, while BM is out dating and committing other felony crimes with no one to worry about but herself. The one-night-stand-biomom could care less about anything but her own ego, her crimes, and her selfish ass self. So DH and I get to raise this one night stand child and take all the responsibility for the kid. Needless to say, I'm a bit resentful, bitter, and downright pissed about it.
My advice is don't feel guilty for how you feel! If I knew no one could point fingers at me & judge me, I admit I would be happy as hell if DH would have just left the pregnant one-night-stand criminal felon and just walked away from the whole situation from the get-go. No one knows my personal situation and it would have been better that way. He should never have become part of this demon child's life. She's a little older now and it's just pure hell for everyone, including the one-night-stand baby who is now a mean evil bastard. DH tried to be responsible and help/support/save this one-night stand baby but it has been ALL IN VAIN.
Don't feel guilty for how you feel, CGREB.
I love this!!! I'm so glad I
I love this!!! I'm so glad I found someone whos in th same boat. It's the hardest thing to deal with. It's even harder cause family knows about this, and it is always getting brought up. I feel like I have to relive that all the time, and its not fair to me. ESP since he tried cheating again with the hotel thing.
I know this may sound a bit selfish, but I'm scared how this situation could effect my daughter. She's our life, and this is confusing. I hate it! The mom is a pos. but she puts on a good act of being some kind of hero super single mom. Even her own mother says it.
I just don't know how to feel about it all! With out feeling guilty. /: something I had no control over made such an awful impact on my life. And I'm still not over it ):
I completely get what you're
I completely get what you're saying! This BM of ours also puts on the big show of super hero single mom. She even uses that "role" to steal money from men on dating websites & family of hers. It's sick. I felt like shit about it for 5 yrs until finally I am at the point where I just plain don't give a rat's ass!
Every painful day, I tell myself that this skid (SD10) who truly is a deviant and a moron, is NOT my problem and I don't have to lose sleep over how completely stupid, immoral, and moronic she is! My only true concern and interest is my BD3!
cgreb, I also have a
cgreb, I also have a biodaughter (age 3) and this SD10 has physically hurt her and has some serious problems because of what her BM instilled in her before her BM gave her to us full time. Her BM gave her away because she couldn't handle the responsibility. So my DH decides to do the responsible thing and tries to raise her...but with sever consequences. However, the responsible thing of taking care of his one-night-stand child has caused some serious harm to our BD3. Even he regrets bringing this harm to our lives.