The End
So it looks like everything has taken its toll and unfortunately my marriage couldn't survive the damage. I am angry, hurt, and sad. It was coming to a point where my husband had to choose me or his daughter. That isn't fair so I made the choice for him. Neither of us can be happy in this marriage. I'm miserable with his daughter around and he's miserable without her. It's a lose lose situation. He claims to have made recent changes and taken strides to comfort me but I haven't seen any change, or acknowledgement to anything.
My husband has never had my back when it came to the way his daughter treated me. He would get upset with me for bringing up the passive aggressive things she would do (ie. smearing her toothpaste and makeup on my towel, breaking my wedding crown, breaking our wedding wine glasses tampering with my products in the bathroom) because they were always "mistakes". She's always been sneaky and I've tried to be nice the entire time. Now I absolutely hate her and her presence. It's not healthy. I am very jaded, bitter and exhausted. It has caused resentment towards my husband and I don't know how to move forward. He's become tougher on her within the last month or so because now all of a sudden he sees what I am talking about with her being sneaky. He only changed because his ex wife asked. Never for me or our household. He's only stepped up because the mom complained about her sneakiness.
He's let so many people in his life disrespect me over the years and I'm sick of it! Now he says it's me who is ending our marriage. His ex wife, his daughter, his mother, father, sister, and brother, none of them have ever shown me any respect. They refused to show up to our wedding. Even after the hurtful words they had when we announced our engagement, I still felt the need to extend the olive branch and invite them to our wedding. None of his family showed. His ex wife convinced the daughter to not want to attend. She wasn't going to bring her unless I came out to say hi to her. During my wedding. These people are insane.
His family hated the ex wife but then all of sudden they were best friends and they all hated me. To be clear all I ever did was show up. I was nice to everyone and I started taking so many hits from them, husband included, that now I'm damaged. I don't want to say it but it feels this way...I am black and my husband, his family, ex wife and daughter are all white, I am sure that has something to with everything. Well my husband is a white Colombian but still he's white. He would tell me how his mom would tell him he needed to marry a white woman and how she was so proud when he married his ex, even though she treated him like dirt, in front of them. She's now remarried to the man my husband caught her in bed with during their marriage. Also, my husband would let everyone walk over him. I became his protector. Then when he started to grow his own backbone that's when the hate really started.
He was insuring his ex's car, she had the key to his apartment (which she used while I was staying there and just let herself in while I was in bed), I needed him to set boundaries. He set boundaries, made a lot of personality changes, had my back with his family, but when it comes to his kid, I'm in a losing battle. Now the battle is over, as is my marriage. He's already disconnected from me. He moved into his daughters room and we haven't spoken for days now. It's a horrible time for this to be happening with the stay in place order going on. Sorry for the long entry, and if it sounds like I'm all over the place. My mind is so jumbled and I needed a place to vent. I apologize for the bitterness that is oozing from this but I wish that was all it was, just me being bitter, instead of it all being true.
I love my husband but I hate everything he comes with. How can such a great man be attached to so much trash...
- Cattitude723's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I'm sorry. Nobody deserves to
I'm sorry. Nobody deserves to live like this.
I´m so sorry too........one
I´m so sorry too........one thing that I´ve learned it that the fathers will always choose their precious daughters, and it´s not on important things it´s on the most trivial stuff that any basic human being has right like privacy, not messing up with personal belongings, so.......you can imagine the big and possible bad stuff.....it´s a lost battle....At one point I asked myself: why am I at a relationship were I have always to be defending my position and interests like I´m in a battle field? Why do I always feel like the intruder and the enemy and have to be always cautious and doing what I don´t want?
You and me and everyone here deserve love, companionship and respect! You will survive this. Don´t look back!
I’m sorry too. I wish your
I’m sorry too. I wish your husband had made her replace your wedding crown somehow, and replace the glasses with something also. I know they are never exactly the same but it would have taught her a valuable lesson.
I knew my marriage was doomed from the day after we got married (his kids started issuing ultimatums. Had to cancel the honeymoon because he was in such a bad mood). We divorced over 3 years later. He still thinks the sun shines out of his children’s backsides.
Some cultures are sooooo
Some cultures are sooooo tightly woven there is no room OR very little room for someone else.
Based on what you wrote, I do believe it is his culture, his mom and well add on the divorce.
" Well my husband is a white Colombian but still he's white. He would tell me how his mom would tell him he needed to marry a white woman and how she was so proud when he married his ex, even though she treated him like dirt, in front of them."
--------
I am very sorry this happened to you. He will never tell his mom to back off and more likely than not he is required to support his aging parents--when that time comes.
OP I know you love him BUT Sometimes we are given a gift and we don't even realize it.
Again I am sorry your marriage is ending. It is painful for a little while---then the sun does start to shine. Promise.
*the feelings of sadness, angry, loneliness, wonder if I did the right thing, then sadness, angry-and -relief is normal".
Oh, he doesn't speak to his
Oh, he doesn't speak to his parents or siblings. We visited his hometown in colombia and his parents were there so we were forced to be cordial but he doesn't have a relationship with them. I think I was the push he needed to cut that tie but it had nothing to do with me. They have a very dysfunctional background and were never that close. In the beginning I tried to get him to be closer to his family because I couldn't believe they were as bad as he made them out to be. Particularly because I come from a loving family. I had no idea that parents like that actually existed.
Im so sorry this is happening to you
This is hard, especially being trapped with him adding to the hurt and confusion.
But Im glad that you are standing strong through all this! It takes a lot of guts to admit you made a mistake in choosing your partner, after all the investment, then to have walk away to save yourself.
I too am in a mixed race marriage. My DH is Filipino (full) with all his siblings having been born and grown up in the Phillipines.
His first wife, Toxic Troll is white. I am white. He definitely has a basic type.
His family tells me that she looked down her nose at DH and his family because they are Asian, and non-white. BM's father is extremely pro-white and I think that has "colored" her views. I do know that BM treats DH like dirt, this entire duration of our relationship. Calls him all manner of names. And his family despises her for her treatment of him. Added to the fact that shes lazy, narcissistic, mean, rude and alcoholic.
Im thinking there is someone wonderful in your future, who brings out your best and who has a wonderful family who loves you and treats you with the outmost in respect.
Let us know how it goes, keep posting!
Sorry to hear that OP. It
Sorry to hear that OP. It appears that several here, including me are going through breakups so please dont feel that you are alone in this at all. I've been reading some self help books after a breakup and aside from the normal things to do/ not do, its all about finding the love in yourself. As hard as it is you/ I/ we need to realize that we are worth more than these men are willing to provide and that your dignity and integrity is also worth more than any man or family. So hold your head up high, realize that you'll never be good enough for people like that and make your departure with comfort in knowing that you dont deserve that treatment and that if you want, there are men out there that understand the value of a good woman.
It took me nearly 10 years to realize it, but now I've gotten to the point that I know what Im worth and what I want and I refuse to settle for less. Yep, I miss my ex every single day so far (its only been 6 weeks) but that whenever I get sad, depressed or lonely I just think back to what he put me through and how I was used and it all goes away until next time.
Good luck to you!