My husband and I are seeking termination of my BD6's biological father's rights. I know that the mere mention of termination ruffles some feathers, but I am a mother on a mission to save my little girl's life and I could really use some thoughts, feelings and opinions on what outsiders think of our reasons and evidence, and why one would, or would not, believe termination is what is best for our little girl.

Here is the history...

The BioF and I were nothing more than sleeping together when BD6 was conceived. He wanted a relationship, but he had lied to me about too much and I wanted nothing but to coparent our child. I met my husband not long after BD6 was born, he was a natural with BD6 and was nothing but patient and respectful of BioF.

BioF threatened DH with violence, keyed his truck, and then both our vehicles and slashed our tires. We can't prove it was him, but the keying and tire slashing came 3 days after he called in a rage because he heard DH and I were engaged. Also the words, "I liked you first" and "MOM" And "you me no" were carved into the paint of our vehicles.

BioF had visitation with BD6, but lived with his parents and relied on them to pay support of BD. He was unstable, one day he would be decent with DH, the next time we'd see him he would curse him out. BioF was waiting tables at first, then on the insistence of his parents went to a trade school. As soon as he finished and got a job, he bought his then girlfriend breast implants instead of getting his own place to live and take our daughter.

it wasn't long before I found out he was taking BD with him to his girlfriend's house when he had her for visitation and had BD sleeping in bed with him and girlfiend. Again, something I can't prove.

After the keying of our vehicles in 2005, I sought modification of the Court order asking that he have less visitation because of his behavior. It took a year of back and forth but finally that court case ended in 2006 when he agreed to less time.

In 2007 I got a very disturbing call from BioF parents asking me to pick up BD during BioF visitation. Turned out BioF came home drunk and got into a fist fight with his parents in front of BD. DH and I took BD home and called our attorney. BD was only 3, but she described the fight and with enough detail we know she witnessed it even though BioF and his parents claim BD was in another room. DH and I recorded BD's description of the fight and naming who was involved.

DH and I refused to allow BD to be taken back in that home because of the violence, so BioF moved in with his ex-girlfriend and her mother. they proceeded to financially support him throughout that court case.

Dh and I then found out that BioF had totaled his car in a DWI accident several months before. And while out on bond for that, he was arrested for assault. He pled guity to both, and continued to drive while his license was suspended. He was ordered to only drive a vehicle with a breath test device installed. As far as I know, if he had been pulled over with BD in the car she would have ended up in the care of CPS when he was arrested for driving while his license was suspended.

BioF insisted his drinking and fighting have no affect on his parenting of BD, and is not a bad example to her because he does not discuss it with her. His family backed him up, and testified how they are proud of him and what a good father he is. The court ordered him supervised visits in my home until he got his occupational license and an interlock installed on his car.

WE found BioF myspace page and he had posted pictures of BD next to the words "F**kin Sexy". HE had plenty of info for pedophiles to find where he lived and find BD. He said it never occured to him it was not a good idea until we brought it up.

That case ended in 2008, he got to keep standard visitation.

For the 5 months after that order BioF didn't pay a penny of child support even though he was working full time. He did take BD for all of his visitation periods, and DH and I were supportive and encouraged him when he moved out of his ex's house and in a place of his own. We had no idea that shortly after that he started using meth.

As soon as I contacted the Attorney General to get support withheld, BioF quit his job. He told me in Dec 08 he went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar disoder. Dh and I supported him in his efforts to get his meds straight, swapping weekends as he needed. Then we got a call from his parents right after picking up BD that BioF had checked himself into a hospital for depression. The next day he called me saying he had not "checked himself in" and had been set up by his exgirlfriend and his parents. They told police he was suicidal and had him taken to a hospital for evaluation.

BD came to me one night upset after the visit with BioF and asked if I could make a rule that none of BioF friends could come to his place while she was there. She said she was scared, but couldn't tell me exactly why. I have never felt so helpless.

Two months later, his parents called DH and I again saying they had been paying BioF bills for him and now he is having BD leave voice messages on their phones demanding money for food and water. THey said BioF had mentioned to them he needed money to buy and sell drugs. DH and i went to check on BD and BioF flipped out. He locked himself and BD in a bedroom and called the police saying he didn't know if we were armed but we refused to leave. We waited outside and spoke to the police. It took threatening to break down the door for the officers to get BioF to open it. They could not see any visible evidence of drugs, so again we had no proof. We called CPS that night.

The investigation began a few days later and CPs had to examine both BD6 and BD2 for any signs of abuse. THey only left a card in BioF door because he wouldn't answer. When they did meet with him, he refused to take a drug test stating he had to speak to his attorney first. When CPS talked to his attorney, the attorney stated he advised BioF to take the test and he should be in contact with CPS to do it. the Cps report shows they tried to get in touch and showed up at his place but he would not open his door.

BioF skipped his visitation for over a month, then called wanting to get BD early the next day. He admitted he was off his bipolar medication and had not slept in days.

Cps came to our house to surprise BioF when he came to get BD. His hand was wrapped in bandage and he told CPS it was because he punched a wall the night before because he was angry I refused to agree to him picking up BD early. CPS asked him if he was okay to care for BD and he said yes. THey made plans for CPS to meet him the next morning and he took BD.

I got a call from CPS the next morning, they met with BioF and he had his new girlfriend stay overnight. He tested positive for meth and amphetamines and they wanted DH and I to be ready and meet them to get BD. We were able to get BD, and BioF insisted to CPS he did not use drugs. THey referred him to do a drug assessment, but he never did. He did not cooperate with CPS at all after that day and they insisted to DH and I there was nothing they could do to stop BioF from getting his court ordered visitation if he chose to take it and we had to persue changing the orders in court.

We did as CPS said, but not having money for an attorney, and not qualifying for legal aid, we persued modification on our own. BioF was evicted from his apartment and refused to tell us where he was living. We attempted to serve him papers several times and had to get a court order to serve his family before they stopped hiding him and he accepted.

CPS closed their case with a finding that BioF was neglecting BD.

When we finally got in front of a judge for temporary orders, BioF showed up late and his attorney got the judge to reschedule. WE were able to get the court to order a nail drug test that came back unbelievably high for meth, amphetamines and ecstacy. THe Judge told BioF this was his last chance, that she wanted to see him in six months in a stable job, with stable housing and clean drug tests.

BioF was orderd supervised visits with BD at the court one hour every other weekend. He was ordered to do random drug testing once a month. He told produced a diluted urine test, then no showed the next two. When his visitation was to begin I filed a request to not allow the visits because of his non-complience witht the testing, he did a voluntary test that day. It was still positive.

BioF had been collecting umpemployment benifits during the time he was using meth and having his parents pay his bills and that was paying some of his child support. When it ran out and he didn't have a job we got nothing.

We found BioF had created a new myspace after moving in with his parents again. He had may photos of women in lingerie along with pictures of BD. He had been posting his mood and statue updates and during the time we were trying to serve him papers, and after the judge told him it was his last chance to get his act together, he had posted he was going out partying. On BD's Birthday there was an update that he was "Meeting hot b**ches and partying my a** off!"

Trial was set for Jan 2010, but after the drug tests and BioF was living with his violent family and not working DH and I decided to seek termination of BioF parental rights and allow DH to adopt BD6.

In Jan BioF filed to modify asking for unsupervised visits with BD, falsly claiming he complied with all of the drug testing. He tested clean in Nov and Dec. The day the hearing was set on his reques to modify, the drug tests came back from his January testing and showed positive for meth again and they rescheduled the hearing for March.

At the march hearing He claimed he only messed up once, now I found out he was arrested only 6 days before that hearing for DWI, Driving while his license was suspended, and when the DWI police arrived to arrest him, he drove away so they charged him with felony evading arrest. I am horrified that six days after he got in that big of trouble he sat in the courtroom asking to have unsupervised visits with our daughter. and even more disgusted with his family who came to sit by him in support.

HE got a job in January, The first he worked in a year, and support stated coming in again. Now there have been two months of nothing. I have called and received calls form BioF while he is working at a restaurant, and we suspect he is working under his twin brother's name to avoid paying support. Again, I can't prove that.

My heart tells me if BioF is allowed unsupervised visits with BD again, at some point I will never see her again. He will be the cause of her death, dissapearance, molestation...

DH and I agree we could not live with ourselves if we did not at least try to free her of a court order that puts her life in danger and something terrible happened. We know we are fighting an uphill battle, but we have to for our little girl.

The complicated part, is we do not believe the problem is that BioF does not love her. BioF loves BD, and BD loves him. We believe her love for him is more similar to the love for a sibling, than a parent. She keeps secrets for him, because she says he told her he will get in trouble or go to jail.

HE has spent the time at the supervised visits telling BD about the pets she had at the apartment with BioF and what they are doing now. I cannot understand why the supervisors at the visits do not stop this, as BD is upset over the pets she is told about but is court ordered not to be able to visit. It amounts to nothing but a tease.

BioF gives BD cards saying telling her she is his reason for living. The Judge says there is nothing wrong with that, but I disagree. I think if he tells her she is his reason for living, and then he overdoses and hills himself with drugs, she will suffer serious feeling of responsiblility and guilt. But hey, what do I know about my child and the dangers to her mental health, I'm just her mother!

I just need to know at what point do the rights of the child outweigh the desires of the parents?

I know this is a case that should not be judged as who is right, but what is right.

BioF loves BD, she loves him, but he has not shown an ability to protect her. He has proven when faced with a decision to either do what he wants or do what is best for BD, he chooses to do what he wants.

Is it that he does not care, or he cannot help it. Does it matter why he does as he does if the result is BD being placed in danger?

He is a smooth talker, and comes across as sincere. In 2008 he said he changed his life after the DWI and had learned his lesson. Here he is with another.

What do you think? Are we right to want to give BD a safe and stable childhood?

We know his bipolar disorder alone does not mean he is a bad parent, but his blatant refusal to stay on his medication and see his doctors is very disturbing.

We have let BioF family know we wish to continue a relaitonship for BD with BioF and his family supervised by us, no matter what the outcome in court. We feel BD has a right to know them, as long as we are able to keep her safe.

DH is a wonderful father to BD. A father in every aspect with the exception of biologically related. DH's family has embraced BD as their own from the moment we began seeing eachother. BD has known DH and his family as her own since she was born. We have always been honest with her about how she is related to them. She knows she has a birth father and a step father and that one she was born with, the other is her father by being married to me. they both love her, and I know she does not question that.

If you were the judge or jury, what would you have to know to decide this?

Thank you for your input, please feel free to ask me questions and give me your honest opinions.

I am digging deep, looking for answers.