I'm new to well everything...
And I have no one to vent to or anything and I just want to make everything work here because my marriage is literally on the line. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met my entire life even with all the issues he has. He has two children which he has full custody of because his ex wife was literal trash. We have a beautiful babygirl together and I would love more with him but I don't know how much longer I can stand his two kids. I don't have many issues with his 11yo son other than he doesn't like to listen but that's kids he still does what is told of him with little trouble bit I absolutely 100% can't stand hate his 15 yo daughter. Everything she does makes my damn skin crawl. I don't want her in my house around our daughter nothing. And it just started to happen a year ago. After we had told them we were pregnant. She acted out innand out of the mental hospital three times because I apparently started to treat her brother better than I did her when she was getting in more trouble than he was. I can't say anything to husband because every time I do his response is the same thing "You need to stop." And that's when she gets that smaug look on her face that makes me want to smack it off her. I think it's because she doesn't really get in trouble by him she can do something horrible and she gets a slap to the wrist. Caught smoking phone taken away but she can still have her tablet. On her tablet she is talking to her aunt and her mother both of which she isn't to have contact with because Everytime she does she's lying about how she's being treated and child services get brought in. I have been in her life since she was 12. I have been fair to both of them I haven't done a single thing wrong to either of them but here I am at the end of my rope because his daughter wants to act like a brat. I yell at her I get yelled at I punish her I get yelled at. SHES SUCH A SPOILED PRINCESS and it makes me want to slap her I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to them and her response is always the same trust me more. Im sorry I have an hard time trusting a psychopath. Nothing can be done and I'm stuck.
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Get DH to level set with you now
First of all, you and your husband need to get on some sort of the same page regarding the daughter. He should NEVER say something like you need to stop in front of her as you will only get more of the behavior. Speaking from experience that if you two adults cannot get onto the same page and arrive at a medium you will have many marital struggles. Get him to come to a decent counselor with you and discuss co-parenting.
Not
so wonderful. Especially automatically siding with his 15 yr old over his wife.
Well.
It's not of a I don't want to argue with you right now type of thing but isn't great. He did it with my mother also when she was babysitting for us.
I can't say anything to
I can't say anything to husband because every time I do his response is the same thing "You need to stop."
Your SD may be an issue but your H is an even bigger problem because he's dismissing your feelings and concerns. When any child sees that both parents/spouses are not on the same page they take the opportunity to manipulate and cause problems. Your H is not parenting effectively and unless he changes you will suffer more of the same if not worse BS from his kids.
Nothing can be done and I'm stuck.
You are by no means stuck. You have options, either you & H go to counseling and learn tools on how to better manage his kids, if he doesn't you can always leave the marriage. If he chooses not to try and remedy the situation you already know he's not fighting for your relationship. You have all you need to know right there. Do you and your child the favor and live your best lives....its not worth spending more years on a man that refuses to parent his feral kids.
Agreed
But it's only his daughter I have the issue with his son yeah he doesn't listen but he doesn't try to manipulate me either and I mention leaving to him and that's when he stops and tries to do something but he will believe me when I say his son did something but if I ever try to say his daughter did something its well that can't be true .
Ok the same still applies to
Ok the same still applies to his daughter, your H still needs to step his game up and he's not.
Okay so
How would I start that conversation. Would that be a me and hubby thing or a family thing he keeps saying we will sit down with them and figure it all out but he always works so we don't have much time to talk about anything.
He's not that great if he is
He's not that great if he is doing that when you bring up issues.. BUT.. stop having these discussions in front of princess..ok? You need to have adult discussions with your adult husband.
That's the thing
We don't normally talk in from of her.
If he was "wonderful" he
If he was "wonderful" he would parent his child so that you, his wife, could live in a peaceful home. And he most certainly would not say, "you need to stop" to YOU in front of HER, as if you were the child who is acting up.
HE is the problem here, because he has the power to parent this child more effectively, and he won't do it. He sounds exactly the opposite of wonderful to me.
That's
Literally the only thing that not wonderful about him is his prefect daughter. He helps with the baby he helps with his son and the house he works long hours so I can stay at home because (I know this sounds stupid) we can't afford for me to work I think he has given up on her ass which I did awhile ago
I remember when cigarettes
I remember when cigarettes were 80 cents a pack. They're expensive now. Where is she getting the money for smokes?
If she's buying them with money she earns, she can smoke all she wants and you can't really stop her, as long as she doesn't do it in the house. If she and her father want her to ruin her health, let her. Lower your expectations and disengage.
She stole them
When she would stay with her grandmother on the weekends and her aunt lived with their grandparent she would steal them from her aunt and her and her cousin would do inside the camper and smoke them you have to be 21 to buy the things here she don't smoke in this house because I refuse to let that shit around the baby
Read up on Disengagement
You should consider disengaging from his daughter, if things are that bad, and your DH is not supportive of you parenting her. Let him parent her all by himself.
You dont need to be her mother, if he doesnt allow it. You simply focus on your bios - she will endanger them possibly with her multitude of accusations. Invest in nanny cams, so you can prove you are not doing what she claims.
When I came into my Skids lives they were 15 and 8. The eldest would lie and manipulate everyone. Now she is 20 and she hasnt changed so it wasnt just a phase. When things got bad, I disengaged. "DH, can you clean your dishes/mess?" and then walk away. His daughter = his mess, right? If she is bothering you directly just walk away, otherwise have no further contact with her. Once I disengaged from Feral Forger SD, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. Just said "hi" and "goodbye". Did not cook for her (dads job), did not take her anywhere (she can stay in her room).
Try it - it will help you tremendously.
Hmm
I don't know why I haven't thought about that
So this “ Great and wonderful man”
Puts his kids befor you, lets his kids disrespect you, He doesn't parent his kids. He lets his kids know they are in control of your home. Where do you think, this is going ? The kids will get older and want more control, and you will be kissing SH a$$.
All because he so wonderful. Time to either take control and tell DH to put his kids in there place. As you are the adult, what you say goes. Or it's time to start think about going yourself. It's not going to get better by itself
I would disagree
It's only the girl thats the issue he will disapline the boy he helps with the baby and house it's literally only the girl.
What does he say when you
What does he say when you point out how differently he treats them?
Normally
It's he doesn't notice that he is treating them differently or he is harder on our son because he doesn't want him to end up like himself. My favorite of his is that our daughter doesn't mess up as much as our son (which is somewhat true for the most part) I of course notice when they both mess up equally or more than the other but that's because I'm around them 24/7 now.