I'm pregnant and its gotta be a secret??!!??
Found out I was pregnant at the beginning of October. My DH decided to wait to tell my SS10 to make sure all was well (i previously miscarried a few months before). Now he wants to wait until "after christmas" so we have a pleasant christmas and not a disaster like last year. He thinks the ex will get mad but he also thinks that SS will be mad too. It hurts my feelings that he thinks that SS will be mad. I put my foot down and said we will tell him christmas day, but I think my DH is nervous. Why would SS be mad about the baby and is there a certain way to tell him?
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My DH was worried about SS as
My DH was worried about SS as well (who was also 10 at the time we got pregnant) I don't think he was worried about him being mad, I think DH was worried about him being jealous. I was worried to death that BM was going to make a huge stink about it and everyone proved us wrong. SS was fine and BM was fine.
You're going to have to tell them at some point. I have to agree with your DH though on this one... why not wait until after Christmas? Let Christmas be about Christmas. What's the difference if you tell them the 25th or the 27th. None really.
In my family we are happy to
In my family we are happy to get good news on Christmas Day. Many engagements and new babies are announced that day when all the family is together. No one thinks that these announcements take away form celebrating Christmas but add to them.
In an intact family bio siblings would be expected to share in the joyous announcement of a new baby. Why shouldn't a skid be expected to do the same? This is why so many skids cannot function as adults. Their childhood has been marred by misconstrued attempts to protect them from all obstacles and unpleasantness, real or imagined. The real world doesn't work that way.
I agree. I think that it
I agree. I think that it could be cool. Could you get a ultrasound photo and wrap it up as his last present saying that he gets a little brother or sister?
he could be mad because he
he could be mad because he "no longer has daddy to himself"
as far as bm goes, who gives a damn what she thinks?
I could have written this. DH
I could have written this. DH didn't tell SD9 and SD11 until I was almost 4 months. I know it doesn't matter in the big picture of things but I felt like he was so happy to have the baby in front of all of our friends and family, but like it was something to feel guilty about in front of his kids. He went as far as to hide the ultrasound pics when the kids came over. It really hurt my feelings and when I asked why he wouldn't just tell them he said that he was "waiting for the right time." Whatever, he was scared of their reaction.
SD11 actually took the news surprisingly well, asking if she will be able to hold the baby once it's born. SD9 however immediately claimed she had a headache and wanted to go home to her mommy. She ended up having a heart to heart with DH and made him promise "not to do anything fun" with the baby when they weren't over. Instead of explaining that they do things with their mom sometimes and sometimes we will do things with the baby, he just said "ok, whatever my princess wants," figuring that by the time the baby is old enough to do fun things, they will be old enough not to care.
It's your body, your baby,
It's your body, your baby, and your time to be happy!!! He got his chance with BM. Don't let his guilty daddy conscience rob you of this experience! Oh, and everything said above. This site is the best for advice.
DH and I didn't tell SD that
DH and I didn't tell SD that I was pregnant until I was 7 months. He had been through so much with BM keeping SD away from him, attacking him, etc., we knew that when BM found out I was pregnant, she'd do more. He also knew that she'd keep SD away from him...He planned to take her to court to modify CS after DS was born in November. We planned to tell SD in Sept so that he'd have the least amount of time away from her...
Once he told SD that I was pregnant, while she was happy, BM did what we guessed. She kept SD and wouldn't let DH see her. He took her to court for it, and the date of the appearance coincided with the timing of modifying CS, so he dealt with both issues at the same time...
He wasn't nervous, but merely playing is cards right when dealing with a crazy woman...
Maybe that's your DH's angle???
Shielded, IMO your dh was
Shielded, IMO your dh was completely in the wrong. He wasn't playing his cards right at all. He merely catered out of his own cowardly approach. HAD she pulled sd away, oh well, it happens, you go to court then. For someone to have to intentionally HIDE a pregnancy from their 'previous family' seems SO wrong to me.
The first time around we are allowed to shout it from rooftops, celebrate, spill the beans as soon as we want...but the second wife/pregnancy are treated like mistresses/bastard children and hidden from the 'first familys wrath'...and we think this is ok HOW????/
Santa should leave the new
Santa should leave the new baby a few gifts under the tree - booties, rattle, baby's piggy bank. When SS asked who the baby toys are for, DH will have to man up and tell him.
And I would start wearing maternity clothes even if it wasn't necessary. SS probably won't notice but others will and they will ask!
I agree with the others.
I agree with the others. What's a few more days??? Holidays are hectic enough, why bring more drama to your life? Let the kid enjoy the holiday.
OMG.....Christmas is about
OMG.....Christmas is about rejoicing with others and celebrating life together...in reality it's about the birth of Jesus....celebrating a pregnancy is a joyous ocassion, a blessing, a GIFT...Christmas is the PERFECT time to celebrate it together, you, dh, skids....the SIBLING is a GIFT to skid....if your dh has this approach NOW that it's a 'bad thing, to be protected from' then he's setting up skids feelings FOR him. If he presents it as a gift, joyous, wonderful addition to SKIDS life as WELL as your own, skid will tent to take that approach as well.
These men baffle me, the people that think the 'skid should be spared until after Christmas' baffle me, skewed priorities and wrong approach to parenting, life and marriage.
You know, especially after
You know, especially after reading all the posts, I really think the decision should depend on how YOU feel. In my case, I would probably be content to wait a few days--but it would be my choice. If that makes YOU feel that you're holding back, then girl you go on and tell WHOMEVER you damn please. This is your baby. You should be happy. You should not feel hidden. If someone doesn't like the truth, then they can cry about it while you go on and rock your pregnant booty.
WE just told my SD10 about
WE just told my SD10 about the new baby....I did a lot of research about the best way to tell the kids...and the way we did it was....we both sat with her and her dad told her she will be a big sister....Don't say "We are having a baby!" cuz that kind of excludes SD...And then after we told her that we both love her very much..and that new baby will Not replace her in any way...we told her that new baby will look up to her and joked that soon she'll have someone to boss around! She liked that part lol I think as long as things stay the same as much as possible...and as long as SS gets enough quality time with HD and yourself and you make arrival of the new baby exciting...he should be fine. I know, all kids are different and will take news differently but All you can do is tell him you love him no matter what and rest is up to the kid. There will probably be some jealousy but that's normal! Kids go through it and then get over it. He won't be the 1st kid going through it. It's a big change and everyone needs time to adjust! Don't be scared to tekk him! Sooner you do it, sooner you can enjoy your pregnancy! Don't let anyone take that away from you!