Like that's any different from these past two weeks. Or the past five years.

She came home from counseling this afternoon and told FDH that her therapist thinks that when there's a problem in the house, all three of us should sit down and talk about it and that she agrees with him (which makes me think she's being dishonest about what goes on in our house because that is what we do ALMOST every time - save for one time when SD had to apologzie to me when FDH was sleeping and the hullabaloo with the dog).

Then, she proceeds to tell FDH that she has to say something before she loses her nerve. Completely ignoring that just moments before she said she agrees with her therapist about all of us talking as a group about issues. And then she starts telling FDH that she hates the house rules, there are too many, and that they're too hard to follow, dumb, and childish.

So, SD is going to be bringing her rules with her to counseling next week. We have made it VERY clear to SD that we don't expect her to be perfect and follow all the rules to a T every single day. But we have told her that we expect her to do her best to follow them and that, if we notice she's struggling, we will sit down with her and figure out how to help her. BUT that is not to say that we will be abolishing the rules or changing any of them unless FDH and I think it's necessary (mainly, by adding more freedom as we see she's able to handle it in the way of extending her bedtime, giving her more freedom to go out when she wants without an adult, stuff like that).

And, honestly, these aren't just rules that will make our living environment better, they're rules that will make SD better equipped to live with other people throughout her lifetime. OK so some of them won't transfer into adult hood - like doing her schoolwork and respecting her bedtime. But most of them will.

But, I wanted to put this out there to all of you. Below are the house rules that SD has to follow. At age 14, do these sound too impossible to follow? Or, is SD being, as FDH and I suspect, overdramatic and acting this way because she wants us to mold our house to her desire (no rules) and to model GUBM's house because she just can't get over the fact that she's NOT FDH's partner/wife nor an adult in the house??

Quick side note: We sat down and talked about all of these with her and explained to her what we meant by all of them. I've thrown in little notes as needed to explain some things about why we have the rule phrased that way.

1. Be honest

2. Respect yourself and others (NOTE: basically, we want her to eat well, get the sleep she needs, get exercise, and to respect the belongings of others in the house)

3. Admit to errors and mistakes when you can (NOTE: this is largely because she has HUGE EXTREME reactions when FDH or I point them out to her)

4. Clean up after yourself

5. Keep yourself and your bedroom clean

6. Chores should be completed the day you're asked to do them

7. Dad and AtMC need to know where you are at all times. Before you leave the house without one of us, let us know where you're going, if you'll be with anyone else (and who you will be with), and how long you would like to go out. (NOTE: We tweaked this one since SD now has her own key so she can get into the house if we're not there).

8. Be polite and courteous to household guests (NOTE: Kind of falls into respect yourself and others, but, she has had specific issues with being rude and snarky with guests in our house so FDH wanted to have a rule to address it specifically).

9. Schoolwork needs to be done before funtime activities

10. Be kind with your words and actions (NOTE: this sounds similar to numbers 2 and 8, and it is, but it's separated to address her tendency to scream back at me and FDH and her tendency towards punishing the animals and we explained that to her when we went over them for the umpteenth time this past March)

11. If you are having a problem, need something, or want something, talk to us about it so we can help you. We can't help you if we don't know.

12. Personal electronic use is limited to 2 1/2 hours a day and should be used outside of your bedroom. If you want more time, you need to ask, but also need to accept the answer you get.

13. You are guaranteed downtime every night for one hour before bedtime.

14. Respect your bedtime.

As I noted throughout this, we could probably compress some of them. Of course, SD is nitpicky enough that certain things she would argue as not being under the house rules and us being tyrants. Then again, she's accusing us of asking too much of her as it is. What those rules all boil down to in the most basic form: Be honest, be courteous, polite, and respectful of yourself and others, do your schoolwork and chores, you will get downtime, respect your bedtime, and let us know when you need/want something.

So, now we get to sit down with her AGAIN to talk about this. I hope she's thought about what she wants out of this beyond "get rid of the rules" because that's NOT happening.