DH frustrates me!!!
So Friday night BM calls saying that she's not sure what SD16 told us about who she was going to hang out with. BM and her husband came home from camping due to him getting called into work. When they got there, they see SD16 running out of the house and find a boy in her room. This boy said that he was just there to pick something up and that SD16 was at her dad's (our house). BM catches SD16 and gets her to come back to the house. DH tells BM that SD16 was supposed to be camping with BM that night and over the weekend. So DH decides that he is going to "put his foot down" and not let her go camping with BM since it is his weekend originally. So SD16 comes home pissed, of course because she got caught. When DH sat down and had a talk with SD16, he proceeded to tell her that in the future, when she stays at a friend's house, he is going to call and talk to their parents, be sure that she is there and that the parents will be there. So, yesterday, SD16 asks to go back out to the campground and stay with BM. DH agrees... :jawdrop: Whatever. SD16 calls an hour later saying that BM will only let her have 1 friend camp with them. Due to this, SD16 wanted to stay the night at her friend's house so she can hang out with 4 of her friends that she wanted to bring camping. She calls DH and DH tells her that she needs to call from her friend's home phone so he knows she is there. When she does this, his question is are the parent's there? Yes, they are. That's it. No asking to talk to a parent to verify that they are home, etc. :jawdrop: Then he proceeds to tell her that he will call later to be sure she is still there. Later comes and goes... by 11:00PM, he still hadn't called. I overstepped my disengagement and asked if he was going to call and his answer was NO. This is so frustrating!!!
1) My child would not be able to go anywhere for the rest of the weekend.
2) I would be following through with exactly what I said I was going to do so that my child would know that momma aint playing.
It is no wonder she disrespects him. He doesn't follow through and it frustrates me so!
I know I am disengaged but I have such a hard time dealing when this happens.
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Comments
It is absolutely amazing to
It is absolutely amazing to see a parent NOT react strongly after their child bold face lied in order to sneak a boy over.
1. lying to both parents
2. caught being sneaky, knowing she is doing something she is not supposed to
3. A boy in her room
just amazing that nothing was done. I am angry for you. You should just tell him now that when she ends up pregnant, she's not moving in with you.
If your DH said to SD he was
If your DH said to SD he was going to phone and check with friends parents, he should have stuck to it. Telling your kid or SKID what the boundaries are and then not bothering to enforce is a waste of time and worse than not setting out boundaries.
Having said that, I wonder whether the approach of trying to keep close tabs on SD16 is a bit counterproductive. She is going to be legally adult in a couple of years and you and her bio parents may have to accept she is going to have sexual relationships from this age on. Of course, you have the say in whether she has them under your roof or not, but I feel it maybe time to let go the reins a bit regarding what she does when she is out and about.
This is what I would do...I
This is what I would do...I would draft a letter that you have him sign that says you will not be responsible for any grandchild that she produces and she will not live in your house with said grandchild. If he refuses to execute the document, you have your answer on all of this. It may wake his ass up. He won't agree to parent her and won't hold her to anything. If he disagrees with signing it, your respnse is why, you trust her to make the right decisions so it should not happen? Watch him spin it then.
I actually have this in my pre-nup...But, then I saw the wrtiting on the wall when SD was 12.